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......negative references to their financial situation, complaining about bills, budget constraints, ranting about unfair treatment at work etc?........
I don't know about red flags, but it would certainly get tiring hearing about their black cloud all the time. I'd just rather not. When you have just met, that is a good time to walk away and not get involved.
I grew up in Oregon and unfortunately have to go back from time to time for various reasons.
I have been a lot of places but Oregon wins the prize for sad sack victims, hands down. I can sit down with a coffee in a Eugene Starbucks and within 60 seconds someone nearby is telling me their story of chronic calamity. My BIL launches into a long melancholy monologue about how my father didn't treat him right and he should have been left the antique car they were both working on, rather than my father's neighbor. (As if I could actually do something about that!) An off-hand remark to a stranger and they're telling you how much they hate it there and why they can't leave.
I think there is a tendency among the depressed and lonely chronic complainers to expect the listener to offer to fix the problem for them. Nobody needs these people around.
It's called using discernment and good judgement in determining who you allow into your life, and there's nothing wrong with that! You don't have to be unkind or unfriendly -- but on the other hand, you don't have to subject yourself to a torrent of negativity, either.
Usually, when a new acquaintance starts rambling about their problems off the bat, it's because their old friends got tired of listening to their drama and not doing anything to make their lives better
I grew up in Oregon and unfortunately have to go back from time to time for various reasons.
I have been a lot of places but Oregon wins the prize for sad sack victims, hands down. I can sit down with a coffee in a Eugene Starbucks and within 60 seconds someone nearby is telling me their story of chronic calamity. My BIL launches into a long melancholy monologue about how my father didn't treat him right and he should have been left the antique car they were both working on, rather than my father's neighbor. (As if I could actually do something about that!) An off-hand remark to a stranger and they're telling you how much they hate it there and why they can't leave.
I think there is a tendency among the depressed and lonely chronic complainers to expect the listener to offer to fix the problem for them. Nobody needs these people around.
There are people that don't seem to know that all grown adults have problems. All of us have had bad people treat us wrong or terrible things have happened to us. It's why most conversations shouldn't revolve around problems they have.
Whether or not it is an actual red flag wouldn't matter to me.
I don't like people like that so she wouldn't end up being someone with whom I would hang out.
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Right. If you sense something is off about the person be careful. Personally, I don't mind listening to a good rant but need to be wary of getting sucked into too much drama.
I had a falling out with a fellow after I decided enough was enough. I was tired of the never ending drama and the fact he never followed through on anything. It finally dawned on me the guy (who is retired) has nothing else in his life so bitching about this or that was something to talk about.
We used to work together so it was fun in the beginning. However, after a couple of years I got tired of listening to plans which never went anywhere.
When I told him I couldn't meet him for coffee anymore/stopped responding to his text message he got upset.
It took a while but he's stopped bothering me and I learned my lesson. Today, I no longer allow myself to get sucked into someone's drama. Too draining.
Yes. I find people that are constantly negative very draining. Complaining is inevitable, we all do it to a degree at some point with folks we are close to. But those that have nothing but complaints to talk about are too negative, especially if you just met them imo.
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