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OP, I think this friend has bamboozled you. She's convinced you that she's meek and passive and sweet, when she's actually confrontational and critical.
You tell her a story, and is she meek and mild and kind? Nope. She confronts you, saying you're mean and harsh.
I had a Canadian friend like that. Would go on and on about how polite she was, but no matter what I did or said around her, there was this tone..... like, "Oh, you're going to cook the salmon like that? Hmmmmmmm........."
And if you dare say, "Sheesh, why are you always criticizing how I cook?" The answer is, "What???? I didn't say anything. You're so sensitive!" LOL.
But, with her it was always something. She'd make a point of looking at my hair until I'd ask what was wrong with it. "Hmmm? Oh nothing....."
Power trips. We aren't friends anymore.
But, from where I sit, your friend is someone who can dish it out - but can't take it. She feels she has the right to call you mean, but you don't have the right to say anything to her - because she's "sensitive." Which is really just a kind of power trip, in my opinion. Chipping away at your self-confidence. Now that is mean.
It's called passive-aggressive and it's what we Canadians do. Quit being so mean.
It's called passive-aggressive and it's what we Canadians do. Quit being so mean.
LOL. I met a lot of Canadians, including this friend, when I moved to Mexico for a year. They were snow birds.
We'd have get-togethers, and the conversations always included lots of America bashing. I would every now and then say, "You do realize I'm American and I'm sitting right here, right?" And they'd say, "Oh, but you're an honorary Canadian." As if that made it all okay.
It was incredibly rude to trash Americans in front of me, and then justify it by saying I was an honorary Canadian.
Honestly, Canadians are more rude than other cultures, in my experience. At least all of the other cultures I'm aware of, wouldn't trash your country and countrymen while sitting at the same table with you. At least they'd be civil enough to do it behind your back.
But, Canadians regularly act rudely, and in the next breath tell you how polite they are.
They're kind of like Trump, believing their own reality, and somehow trying to convince the world that their version of reality is....real.
I don't understand your need to share your interactions with her. Why be so personal and share such negative tales of disagreements you've had and supposedly won?
IOW, why not keep that kind of crap to self???
You know, save her and yourself .
I don't either and asked that question as to why she does.
These scenarios don't seem to be happening in front of the friend. So if you know she is going to comment about this stuff when you tell her, you don't tell her, unless the OP enjoys the drama.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida
1. Stop telling her what you've done.
2. When she tells you how she's acted, ask "Why are you such a wimp?"
I don't either and asked that question as to why she does.
These scenarios don't seem to be happening in front of the friend. So if you know she is going to comment about this stuff when you tell her, you don't tell her, unless the OP enjoys the drama.
Yes, I said that I'm no longer going to tell her things like that. Even though we had a "talk", and she said that she knows I'm not actually mean, I'm still not going to tell her anything because clearly she enjoys stirring the pot. I do think there is envy involved and she looks for anything she can use to "one-up".
I cannot stand 'people pleasers'. They're so used to kissing everyone's ass--while keeping their true feelings and frustrations bottled up. She resents you for having a spine and not being afraid to speak up.
I cannot stand 'people pleasers'. They're so used to kissing everyone's ass--while keeping their true feelings and frustrations bottled up. She resents you for having a spine and not being afraid to speak up.
I don't think that's the case at all here. Just her friend telling her how she is coming across to her, doesn't mean she resent her. Keep in mind we are just getting one side of the story here, and doesn't sound like the op ever pass up a chance for the dramatics when dealing with people. You can say pretty mush anything to anyone, it's all in the manner and tone you say it. You can be serious and firm with people without being nasty or over dramatic about it, and they will respect you for that. Some people just love drama, they can't live without it, and love to be seen and heard when dealing with people. You don't have to kiss anyone ass to show and give respect and have class about yourself.
I cannot stand 'people pleasers'. They're so used to kissing everyone's ass--while keeping their true feelings and frustrations bottled up. She resents you for having a spine and not being afraid to speak up.
Really? Sounds like HE resents her for doing precisely that.
LOL. I met a lot of Canadians, including this friend, when I moved to Mexico for a year. They were snow birds.
We'd have get-togethers, and the conversations always included lots of America bashing. I would every now and then say, "You do realize I'm American and I'm sitting right here, right?" And they'd say, "Oh, but you're an honorary Canadian." As if that made it all okay.
It was incredibly rude to trash Americans in front of me, and then justify it by saying I was an honorary Canadian.
Honestly, Canadians are more rude than other cultures, in my experience. At least all of the other cultures I'm aware of, wouldn't trash your country and countrymen while sitting at the same table with you. At least they'd be civil enough to do it behind your back.
But, Canadians regularly act rudely, and in the next breath tell you how polite they are.
They're kind of like Trump, believing their own reality, and somehow trying to convince the world that their version of reality is....real.
But, I digress from the OP's discussion.
So ... you're telling me, a Canadian, that Canadians are regularly rude and that you were treated rudely by Canadians because they said rude things about Americans in front of you?
I see.
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