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I'm going through a three-fold bad patch right now: three people in my life are very seriously ill, and I am geographically far away from all of them. Two are close relatives. So, yes, I have told friends about it and requested prayers for all three.
I have also talked to my pastor and requested prayers from our congregation. But very, very few other church members have asked me about what's going on. Perhaps they also feel burdened by all this shared sadness, or have troubles of their own - but I could use some compassion and caring right now, just as that's what I'm trying to provide to the three people in my life who are ill and to their immediate families.
I think some people may confuse people who are undergoing genuinely stressful and sad situations with people who always have something negative to complain about. I am not complaining - tis is the human condition, after all - but it's hard to have very scary and potentially fatal illness hit someone I care about. When that is multiplied by three - I am finding it really, really stressful. I am feeling rather paralyzed at present, but am deliberately continuing my usual social activities for now, and am trying not to dwell on this while I'm with others - but the complete lack of reaction from some is eye-opening. Those who have hugged me, or asked about how things are going, are true friends.
This time of trial will pass, but it will very likely take people whom I love with it, and bring great pain and sorrow to others whom I care about. So knowing that this is a temporary situation isn't very comforting.
That said, I cannot imagine frequenting a bar to seek comfort in complaining or in a bottle.
If your acquaintance's complaints are about less serious things, perhaps you could just respond, "That's too bad - is there anything you could do to make things better?", or "That sounds very hard - have you thought about what you can do to keep from getting overwhelmed?", just to move the needle over a little closer to positive territory.
(For those who'd ask me the same thing, I am making phone calls, writing emails and cards, and sending care packages at present. And sharing the bad news with mutual friends, and praying a lot. As the situations change, as they all inevitably will, so may my responses).
I'm going through a three-fold bad patch right now: three people in my life are very seriously ill, and I am geographically far away from all of them. Two are close relatives. So, yes, I have told friends about it and requested prayers for all three.
I have also talked to my pastor and requested prayers from our congregation. But very, very few other church members have asked me about what's going on. Perhaps they also feel burdened by all this shared sadness, or have troubles of their own - but I could use some compassion and caring right now, just as that's what I'm trying to provide to the three people in my life who are ill and to their immediate families.
I think some people may confuse people who are undergoing genuinely stressful and sad situations with people who always have something negative to complain about. I am not complaining - tis is the human condition, after all - but it's hard to have very scary and potentially fatal illness hit someone I care about. When that is multiplied by three - I am finding it really, really stressful. I am feeling rather paralyzed at present, but am deliberately continuing my usual social activities for now, and am trying not to dwell on this while I'm with others - but the complete lack of reaction from some is eye-opening. Those who have hugged me, or asked about how things are going, are true friends.
This time of trial will pass, but it will very likely take people whom I love with it, and bring great pain and sorrow to others whom I care about. So knowing that this is a temporary situation isn't very comforting.
That said, I cannot imagine frequenting a bar to seek comfort in complaining or in a bottle.
If your acquaintance's complaints are about less serious things, perhaps you could just respond, "That's too bad - is there anything you could do to make things better?", or "That sounds very hard - have you thought about what you can do to keep from getting overwhelmed?", just to move the needle over a little closer to positive territory.
(For those who'd ask me the same thing, I am making phone calls, writing emails and cards, and sending care packages at present. And sharing the bad news with mutual friends, and praying a lot. As the situations change, as they all inevitably will, so may my responses).
I'm sorry you're going through that, but the fact of the matter is you tell the people closest to you and leave it at that.
I have a very good friend who had his brother in law dying of cancer(leaving his sister with two young children) and his mother with advanced Alzheimers. They both ended up passing within months of each other.
If you met him in a social situation you would think he didn't have a care in the world. It amazed me and I asked him how do you do it?
He said "what good does do going around telling everyone, it doesn't change anything". I thought that was a good attitude to have.
People who go around telling the server in the restaurant, the cashier at the supermarket, a casual acquaintance, etc. It doesn't do you any good, everyone has problems.
I'm sorry you're going through that, but the fact of the matter is you tell the people closest to you and leave it at that.
I have a very good friend who had his brother in law dying of cancer(leaving his sister with two young children) and his mother with advanced Alzheimers. They both ended up passing within months of each other.
If you met him in a social situation you would think he didn't have a care in the world. It amazed me and I asked him how do you do it?
He said "what good does do going around telling everyone, it doesn't change anything". I thought that was a good attitude to have.
People who go around telling the server in the restaurant, the cashier at the supermarket, a casual acquaintance, etc. It doesn't do you any good, everyone has problems.
Exactly. It's really only appropriate to tell those closest to you or people that in some way can be able to direct you to some help. Beyond that, dwelling on it doesn't help and people may avoid you if it is the focus of every conversation you want to have. We all have problems. The worse things touch all of us at some point.
People in bars are lubricated with liquor. Some People tend to be very talkative when they have a few drinks. I agree with the poster who says to steer the conversation. If unsuccessful then next time find another bar. Everybody seems to have a story. I'm sure you have one also...
When I did go to bars, not once did I ever say to myself: Boy I sure hope someone lays their sob story on me tonight. Sounds like fun.
And I've been a bartender, their sob story is not for the bartender, either.
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She is already drunk. That is why she remember all these. Offer her one more beer she will snore under the table.
