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I think you know the answer to this latest issue and just need someone, anyone to see it from your POV. I am a parent, most of us on this board are so I can see you POV.. he's your kid, you want to protect him, to care for him but at some point in time, you have to do what is best for him and trust me, right now YOU ARE HURTING HIM... surely you do not want to hurt him but if you continue to catch him when he falls you are only hurting him more and more.
No, trust me. Blended families are the toughest I've ever dealt with. My husband comes from the "tough love" school of parenting. He said that's how his parents raised them. I'm not sure if he's bragging but he keeps saying that out of 7 kids, they put 4 through college, one went to the military and two went to work after graduating high school. They all have their diplomas and not just a GED and my husband is one class away from getting his masters. It's like he doesn't care about my sons. Granted they haven't made the best of decisions but I have always felt he was too hard on them. When my oldest son started getting into legal trouble my husband sat him down and said, "One of us will leave this house and I promise you it won't be me." My oldest son hasn't lived with us in a few years now. He's 21 years old and already been arrested 7 or 8 times and is a convicted felon. I still see the good in him too.
How much more do you expect your husband to do, when you undermine his every attempt to get your kids to man up? He's 100% in the right.
Somebody owes your niece a car, and it isn't your husband, or your parents. Narrow down the remaining options and start saving.
Because your son is an irresponsible adult and already ruined one car. I think you are enabling him. I wouldn't lend him my car either because I wouldn't trust him. He has proven he doesn't care about other people's expensive belongings.
If he's not in college, why isn't he working to buy his own car?
It's not the grandparents responsibility to provide transportation for an adult who has already ruined one car.
Give him your car, and you borrow a car, that way if one is ruined it's yours since you want to continue to enable him.
Two words- public transportation
He is in college, well, technically he's taking a graphic design class and will be done in about a year. My husband said that he has no structure. When he first went off to school he wanted to go into the travel industry and maybe work on a cruise ship as an activities director. That changed to accounting. Then when he flunked out of school he wanted to do construction management and now he's doing graphic design. He just haven't found himself yet.
I just feel that as his mom I need to be there for him.
Nothing we can do about that. He's my son and I need to be there for him.
I just feel that he's not willing to lift a finger to help my son. I know he's right but I just don't know what to do.
Sometimes being there for your child means letting them fail and learn to pick themselves up. Your son will soon be a father. It's time for him to learn to be a responsible adult on his own. As long as you continue to enable his irresponsible behavior he will never learn to stand on his own.
In my opinion, letting a child fail doesn't mean you don't love them. It means you love them enough to let them become an adult.
He is in college, well, technically he's taking a graphic design class and will be done in about a year. My husband said that he has no structure. When he first went off to school he wanted to go into the travel industry and maybe work on a cruise ship as an activities director. That changed to accounting. Then when he flunked out of school he wanted to do construction management and now he's doing graphic design. He just haven't found himself yet.
He had better find some structure if he wants to be a decent father.
You need to quit taking your husband for granted or using him or whatever it is you're doing, listen to him, follow his instructions with your sons, and thank God that your husband hasn't already left you and your dysfunctional kids. I'm shocked that he's still around and doubt that he will be for much longer unless you do a 180 turn and start heading in the opposite direction. You owe him an apology and you need to quit trying to figure this out on your own since you're clearly incapable of making rational decisions when it comes to your adult kids. Stop what you're doing and do what your husband recommends. You're helping to create a huge, dysfunctional mess and no rational adult would continue to put up with this for much longer.
I know he's right but I just don't know what to do.
And we can give you advice till we're blue in the face but you'll ignore it. You've been enabling your sons for over two decades, to the point that it's severely hindered them from developing into contributing members of society. And it doesn't sound like you're willing to quit enabling them.
So what do you want advice on? How to convince your husband to enable them as well when he, you, and all of us know he's right?
I'd advise you to tread carefully, OP. One day, your husband may reach his limit with you and your kids.
He is in college, well, technically he's taking a graphic design class and will be done in about a year. My husband said that he has no structure. When he first went off to school he wanted to go into the travel industry and maybe work on a cruise ship as an activities director. That changed to accounting. Then when he flunked out of school he wanted to do construction management and now he's doing graphic design. He just haven't found himself yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
He had better find some structure if he wants to be a decent father.
Oh my!
Who's paying for this schooling?
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