How much food do you serve at a holiday dinner party? (siblings, guilty)
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It's one holiday party, OP. It won't kill you to have a slim meal one time with the in-laws. When you are invited to dinner, you eat what you are served, smile, and say thank you. Personally, I think it is rude to bring extra dishes or desserts that were not requested. Ask a couple of days before the dinner if the hostess would like for you to bring a dessert, or rolls, or a side dish. Don't take food if the hostess declines. If you are still hungry after dinner, stop on the way home and get yourself an ice cream sundae.
The only time my family, either immediate or extended, ever serves appetizers is if it is an all day football watching marathon. Other than that, no one wants to spoil their appetite.
If it is just my immediate family, I do a large roast, but keep down the number of side dishes and do mostly vegetables and not so much starch. We are well past the age where we stuff ourselves until we are sick. There is plenty of food, though, for multiple servings and lots of leftovers.
For Christmas, there is eggnog and I will make a dessert, whatever dessert is requested, in addition to the dinner..
...... there are usually no appetizers..... just enough for one serving of each thing. There is rarely a desert. There are no drinks served at all, not even sodas or water. ....... I would so love a glass of wine or at least some coffee. ....... tried bringing a bottle of wine, a desert, etc., but they just put it away and don't serve it. .........
No coffee, no wine, no soda.... do the in-laws belong to one of the churches that do not allow caffeine or alcohol? No dessert? Is someone diabetic? Are there other dietary restrictions? High cholesterol? Allergies? Is there someone in the family who can't control themselves and will eat or drink things they should not have if it is put out on the table?
I agree that it is not the way that most people do a festive holiday meal, but you can't change who people are. They are your in-laws, so you are pretty much stuck with them.
My husband's family is Italian so they always have a lot of food like you, OP. I always consider it too much. Honestly. Every single year without fail they complain about how full they are, how there is too much food, too many leftovers, etc. and it's the same thing the following year.
My parents don't really do appetizers but they make PLENTY of food and have dessert with coffee/tea. If I wanted booze, I'd bring my own, and they wouldn't put it away.
I would just try bringing an appetizer or asking them for a glass of wine. Have you? They might just think of your bottle as a gift and that's why they put it away.
I serve quite a bit of food myself. I also purchase the somewhat disposable tupperware so everyone can take home leftovers. I have been at parties where there isn't enough food. Not fun.
You already stated that you take food but it is not put out. I would agree with another poster, sounds like a control issue. My FIL used to be married to a woman that was really odd. I can't tell you how much I dreaded going over there every year. She suffered from a mental illness so we all kind of tip toed around her. She prepared foods in a bizarre manner. One year she made mashed potatoes but made them in the blender. I asked for someone to pass the potato soup and got a slight kick under the table. I had NO idea it was supposed to be mashed potatoes. I was always on edge the whole evening. One time my husband got really ill on the way home. I can't tell you what a relief it was when my FIL and her split up. It was a long 15 yrs.
Why not bring your own? I have an aunt that does a pretty awful spread. So we bring a few trays of appetizers. We bring a big box of coffee and a handful of sweetener/creamer. We bring a few dessert items. And a few people even bring main courses and side dishes. And there's nothing wrong with bringing a bottle of wine and opening it when you get there.
You're not going to change your in-laws. We still joke about how awful my aunt's spread is, but we make the most of it and fill in the gaps. If they are jerks about you bringing stuff, then it might be time to stop going or just "stopping by" and not staying for the food.
This is it. Make it stuff you like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
ask them for a wine opener
It may be necessary to bring your own. I know from personal experience.
It's one holiday party, OP. It won't kill you to have a slim meal one time with the in-laws. When you are invited to dinner, you eat what you are served, smile, and say thank you. Personally, I think it is rude to bring extra dishes or desserts that were not requested.
I rarely disagree with oregon but I will on this topic. Either eat appetizers and dessert at home before going or bring them if it will be eaten that day and will likely not offend the hostess. If the wine is confiscated, carry a flask. Pour your own. Sometimes gatherings of this type require a bit of wine. These people sound like poor hosts, not considerate of their guests needs/wants. Frankly the amount of food/drink served at our family holiday meals would satisfy a hungry pro football team. Leftovers for days. I like leftovers....
FWIW, I get it. My in-laws do this too and it's almost all out of a box or the freezer. I offer to cook because I enjoy it and am skilled at it but my MIL insists and then complains about it the entire time. Sigh.
I come from lower to middle class parents.My paternal grandfather was a garbageman and my paternal grandmom did daycare at home for extra money. They always made meals way over the top--two kinds of potato, one or two meats like ham and turkey and several side dishes and two desserts. Not a big family, they had one kid (my dad) and 3 grandkids (us). They always said "We may not have a lot of money but we eat well." They had leftovers for a week.
When I went to my boyfriends (now spouse) parents for holidays for the first time they served just enough food for everyone but getting seconds was not immediate. They were white collar and lovely people, over-abundance of food was not their way but we always got a plate to take home "for lunch tomorrow" haha.
When you are a guest you abide by the host's rules. If you want wine bring the bottle and open it and offer to everyone else too. Ask in advance if you can bring a dessert, if they say no then eat it later at your own home, more for you.
I have multiple food intolerances now (gluten-free is just one of them) but would never make a host feel bad, I just eat what won't hurt me and eat later or bring a food I can eat to share.
I would love to be invited to different meals where they serve different nationality food. It would be so interesting but that's not happening. Be great if people would post photos of their holiday tables wouldn't it? Anyone?
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I was always on edge the whole evening. One time my husband got really ill on the way home. I can't tell you what a relief it was when my FIL and her split up. It was a long 15 yrs. 
