Should I Block this Emotional Vampire once and for all? (friendship, money)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I caved and had coffee again with a woman who called me up when I was extremely depressed. I had told myself I was not going to have anything more to do with her. I guess I just had not had enough. So we had coffee and I was telling her about my week. She abruptly cut me off and told me to "stop talking". I went "excuse me?". She said something about that she could hear the anxiety in my voice and it was causing her to be anxious and it was going to mess up her calm mood. I had to choke back the tears. I cannot believe I allowed this woman to come back into my life. After all the hours and hours I have spent listening to her problems about every subject matter (her kids, family, bills, having no money, how much she spends on clothes, her jobs, her ex, all the men she has dated, etc.) and one of the very few times I have needed to talk about my rotton week and she did that. She also said that I was just looking for attention because I have been doing alot of service work for other people, which helps keep me sober and helps them.
Anyway, sorry I am on here venting again about this woman. I am absolutely finished with her. I just don't know now the best way to respond when she wants to have coffee....not at all, too busy or perhaps block her? My phone server does have a message like this..."the number you have dialed is not accepting calls from your number." And I will most likely be seeing this woman in the future as we both know some of the same people.
Did this woman treat you this way before? If so, you pretty much just went back for more. Not everyone is going to hold hands are pat you on the back. I understand you were feeling badly but it sounds like you already knew she was not good for you.
Only you can answer, hopefully through some reflection, why in the world you agreed to meet her.
OK, so now you really know what you want to do. This was a learning experience. Give it its due--it taught you something. And now, give yourself a few hours to grieve, and then move on. You are better than this experience; you are stronger.
Wow. I'm not seeing what you are getting from this woman. If you are done with her, you are done. If you have mutual friends then the no/low drama route is the only way to go to avoid harming those relationships.
It's simple: You are too busy to talk on the phone if she gets you on the phone. You don't have a free date/time to meet. If you see her number on caller ID, you let it go to voice mail. You don't return those calls, texts or email. It won't take long and she'll stop contacting you. If you see her in the future, greet her then move on.
I'm betting that you have had a family dynamic in your life that was like the one you have with this woman that you are trying to get right this time. It's not working. Cut her loose or expect more of the same.
In other ways, she has treated me like this before. I have posted about her and had great suggestions and was determined I was not going to have anything to do with her. Like I said, I was really depressed that day. I don't really know why I said yes and went. Just really hard-up maybe?
Anyway, I did leave very soon after that happened. And I cried for two days after this happened. I was so upset--the way she cut me off, I just couldn't believe it.
rosebyanothername , I understand that what she did was rude and totally uncalled for. I am wondering, though, if it is a natural reaction to cry about it for two days. What do you think? I could be wrong here, but it seems a bit much?
As for your original question, friendships are optional. You are under no obligation to be friends with anyone if you're not feeling them.
Good riddance to her. Next time she reaches out, screen the call or ignore the text/email. If you run into her and she wants to get together, "Sorry, I have plans that day," smile, move along.
Definitely have coffee with her one more time. Let her do the talking. When she starts to dump on you about her problems, do the following:
Tell her to "stop talking". Tell her that you can hear the anxiety in her voice and it is causing you to be anxious and it's messing up your calm mood.
A narcissist won't be able to stand it. She won't call you ever again!
I think I cried for two days because I was already depressed and then this added to it. I have let this woman do most of the talking because whenever I would say the least little thing, she would do a very visible and audible "sigh" and I felt like I was boring her and she wanted me to shut up so she could talk again. I eventually thought she needed to talk and for me to listen than I needed to talk. She had been through right much and I just felt like I could be a good friend and be there for her. Well, after a while I realized she really didn't care anything about me--only herself.
I am better now. And thanks for extra help. (Fox Terrier...big LOLOLOL to yours...if I thought I could stand being around her one more time, that'd be a good one!)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
