Disappointed in visit from relatives (husband, person, member, children)
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TBH, in this day of helicopter parenting I find it strange the parents would be willing to send their kids off to the other side of the country for the majority of a month. Maybe these girls really are a handful?
You also have experienced one half of the reversal of gender norms for kids these days. After centuries of pressure to be demure young girls now are encouraged to be sassy. Boys on the other hand are encouraged to be 'chill.'
Just thank your stars that your nieces are not from Australia like mine are. In addition to everything above, you'd have to deal with language that would make a sailor blush, physical rambunctiousness and a school system that seems to exist solely to refine 'Mean Girls.' Personally my strategy is to just give them all the candy and movies they want, just please stop trying to make me cry.
I have not read all the posts, but I feel for you. Teenagers are odd creatures. If you and your husband managed to keep your cool and be pleasant, I bet that someday the girls will realize what a nice thing you did for them, and will appreciate your efforts.
You should not invite them again, unless they ask you if they can visit, and then make the visit short.
We have teenage grandchildren who we only see once or twice a year, they are polite, but really, they are mostly only interested in us buying them stuff, and playing on their phones and computers.
Please save your money in the future and put it towards a nice venture for yourselves and son and let him take a friend.
That's about what I told hubby. We could have gone on another cruise with the money we spent on those girls, two if it was just me and my son! =)
The funny thing is, the baseball game we went to had lighting issues and the game was stopped early. So, I was able to exchange the tickets for a new game. My family and one of my son's friends is coming with us this go around.
TBH, in this day of helicopter parenting I find it strange the parents would be willing to send their kids off to the other side of the country for the majority of a month. Maybe these girls really are a handful?
Ding ding ding. We have a winner. From what info I could gather, these girls seem to be home alone a lot. If their father said we gave up on rules years ago, something must be going on. The parents seemed delighted to be rid of them so they could travel along the west coast.
Who wants to take my GOOD kid for 3 weeks? Just kidding.
The talk of the obsession with electronics reminds of the friends we had visit us a couple of years ago. Their 2 sons roughly 7 and 10 years old perched (not sat) on the furniture and kept their heads down for hours while on whatever electronic games they were on. Hmm, the younger kid was still wearing a diaper. I'm just saying...
Heather, you did a very nice thing, and the girls were brats. I don't agree with the posters who excuse their behavior because they're teens. I don't give a darn about their sex or age, they have NOT been raised with common manners. My two boys are 39 & 42, and they would still being hearing about it if they had acted like this.
My two grand girls are 11 & 16, and I'd bet everything I own they'd never act like your nieces did. They are being raised to behave and have respect for others. The 11 year old is in CA. right now with her other granny, and the only complaint is she didn't hang her wet towel up.
I think the lesson here is to be grateful for the wonderful son you have.
My two grand girls are 11 & 16, and I'd bet everything I own they'd never act like your nieces did. They are being raised to behave and have respect for others. The 11 year old is in CA. right now with her other granny, and the only complaint is she didn't hang her wet towel up.
In my case, the younger girl put her wet hair towel on my formal dining room table.
They were not strangers, they were the girls uncle and aunt.
Obviously, because they live 3,000 miles away it is a lot more difficult to be close than if they lived in the same city.
"Shipping kids off to other relatives" can also be also be interpreted as "providing a fun filled, all expense paid vacation to a major city (which they probably could not afford to see without the generosity of the uncle and aunt)." Sheesh! If one of my aunts or uncles had offered to pay for my plane tickets to visit them and their city I would jumped at the chance as a child.
The OP said that the girls selected three weeks rather than two weeks. If they were reluctant to come why would they have selected the longer time period?
I didn't intend my post to be some attack on the OP. I was simply expressing my opinion based on personal experience, which I clearly stated in my post.
The girls met the husband and son "couple of years ago" according to the OP. So, when they were about 9 and 12. She didn't say how long that visit was or how much the girls interacted with him when he was there. She also didn't say if they kept in regular contact in the year since by phone or whatever.
Whether they are related or not is immaterial. Two years is a long time for a kid.
Also, no where in my post did I say the girls' behavior was acceptable. It sounded absolutely awful. The OP DID try to do a very nice thing. No one's debating that.
Some conversations with the parents about bedtimes, what the girls were responsible for, if they understood the rules in your house, what activities would happen etc. would have been a good idea. In this too, the OP, her husband and son were strangers to the girls. No one, apparently, had any idea what to expect.
At any rate, sorry you had to go through a bad experience with the ill-behaved kids.
Quote:
I have tried, but it's like some don't read everything.
It's a complaint that people on all sides of a conversation can have, as well as misconstruing meaning of simple phrases like "shipping off" online. To me, it means oh... them getting on a plane and traveling somewhere. To others it appears to mean forced detention and transport under pain of death or something.
I'm sorry that happened to you and your family. You were being thoughtful and generous and it obviously was not appreciated. I think the sleep issues, generally messiness, and self-centeredness are typical of the age group. But I have to add that in my interaction with young people today I find that as a group they:
Lack curiosity to a surprising degree,
Show no interest in anything they didn't discover on their own,
Demonstrate few conversational skills,
Don't seem to notice anything around them that doesn't touch them directly.
I blame the fact that they are so focused since babyhood on close-up screens (TV, computer monitor, cell phones) that they develop a very shallow connection with the world beyond six feet around them. Researchers have proven that people are developing in a completely different way today because humans don't hold their heads erect and don't focus their eyes into the distance as often as they used to. It's also been proven that the post-computer generation has a far shorter attention span than people who were raised without the ability to change the subject of their attention at will.
In addition to that, it seems these girls have been poorly parented if they don't even have the manners to eat properly. Their parents should apologize for their rudeness, but I guarantee you they won't. Many parents today seem to find it easier to resign themselves to bad behavior rather than confront it. I agree with the person who said their parents were probably glad to get rid of them for awhile. That said, three weeks was an awfully long visit. For all you know, they begged not to come in the first place.
This needs to be repeated because it is so true these days.
I live in Southern CA and went back east in October and met two of my cousins kids for the first time. My cousin who is a great guy had his ex wife drop the two of them off for couple of hours. The girl was 16 and the boy 15, it was like pulling teeth to get a word out of them. The girl had her phone out the whole time. Tried asking them questions about school, got one sentence answers.
My father had just passed less than two months before and I brought some old pictures including my parents and my aunt(their grandmother) from when they were young, they looked but said nothing.
And it used to be kids if they heard you lived in Southern CA(especially back east) would spark some interest. They would want to know if you have been to Disneyland, have you seen any movie stars, etc. Not anymore......LOL.
Nothing.
I recently did a volunteer event and there were teens there helping, same thing unable to hold a conversation. At first I thought "OK they don't want to talk with anyone old"(anyone over 25), but than I noticed they were sitting there texting when there kids their own age who they knew and not talking to them either, when they were sitting two feet away.
It's than I realized many young people today have absolutely no social skills or interest in anyone but themselves.
It's scary today at how bad it is.
OP, you and your husband sound like nice people, but 3 weeks was way too long to host these girls. A week would have been long enough.
You also should have been on the phone(or your husband since it was his brother) to CA and share what was going on.
They are strangers to you, doesn't matter if your related.
After meeting my cousins kids if he ever suggested that the two of them wanted to come to CA for a visit, it would be absolutely not, unless maybe he was going to come with them. But I certainly wouldn't take my time and energy when I see kids who seem to have no interest other than their smart phone.
Sorry this happened to you OP, but as soon as I read two girls 11 and 14, 3 weeks, well you could predict what would happen.
Last edited by seain dublin; 07-26-2015 at 11:16 AM..
I think it's strange that you only met now at such a late age. Why? I have two now thirteen year old girls and a sixteen year old that spend the night with us every month, sometimes a weekend. They are typical teenagers and they've been with me for five years now. I don't expect them to live in my world....they're kids. I live in their world when they visit and spoil them rotten. When they do something helpful or kind they are lavished with praise. When they are moody and selfish I express my disappointment and thoroughly explain to them in a kind way how this behavior effects others. They actually listen to me. I don't expect them to do chores, they are my guest. They trash the room with clothes and gadgets lying all over, so what. I just close the door. I stayed up half the night when I was young and slept past noon as well. This is typical teenage behavior. We have our adventures every time they come and they are the ones that dictate where we go and what we do. I want them to be kids as long as they can. There will be far too much time for them to be adults. Childhood is precious and but a blink of an eye. I think your biggest mistake with your niece's was expecting adult behavior from alien beings that have their own way of thinking and vocabulary. I seldom get a thank you from my girls so I just say "you're welcome" when I'm dropping them off. I'm not offended by their lack of manners. I just consider how they're being raised, which isn't well for the two sisters unfortunately. Those girls make me laugh constantly. I see who they really are because I embrace them as such. Your niece's will probably never want to be with you in your house again and that's sad. Go visit them next time and live in their world for awhile. They may give you something unexpected in return. My girls gave me roller skating. I in turn passed it on to John. We skate almost every Friday morning now with these incredible seniors. We've also made some nice friends there. All because of those crazy girls that live next to the rental and adopted us. Sweet
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