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I had a very close friend and somehow it went sideways and toxic. I would do anything for her (and I did). But one week, she started ridiculing and mocking me in front of other friends (she had become ill and we were moving heaven and earth to be by her side). She and I had been friends for well over 25 years. Her other friends were from her childhood, she's known them 15 years more than she's known me. For whatever reason, she saw nothing wrong with (suddenly) degrading me.
I believe each one of us determines how we wish to be treated. I put my foot down and let it be known the behavior was unacceptable and haven't had contact since. She's dismissed it as me being stubborn. I don't dwell on it, I know I'm by far a happier person than she could ever hope to be. But I do think about it. The only thing I can figure is she had her childhood buddies close by, and reverted to behavior of her immature youth.
Up until a year ago, I thought she was a true friend. Now I see it was a superficial friendship.
I am starting to agree with the others here about immediate family, my two sons, hands down, would be there for me, no questions asked. I have two other friends that indicate they are there, but I would never feel comfortable contacting them at 2 AM.
Blood is definitely thicker than water. What you think is a true friend may not be one at all.
I had a very close friend and somehow it went sideways and toxic. I would do anything for her (and I did). But one week, she started ridiculing and mocking me in front of other friends (she had become ill and we were moving heaven and earth to be by her side). She and I had been friends for well over 25 years. Her other friends were from her childhood, she's known them 15 years more than she's known me. For whatever reason, she saw nothing wrong with (suddenly) degrading me.
I believe each one of us determines how we wish to be treated. I put my foot down and let it be known the behavior was unacceptable and haven't had contact since. She's dismissed it as me being stubborn. I don't dwell on it, I know I'm by far a happier person than she could ever hope to be. But I do think about it. The only thing I can figure is she had her childhood buddies close by, and reverted to behavior of her immature youth.
Up until a year ago, I thought she was a true friend. Now I see it was a superficial friendship.
I am starting to agree with the others here about immediate family, my two sons, hands down, would be there for me, no questions asked. I have two other friends that indicate they are there, but I would never feel comfortable contacting them at 2 AM.
Blood is definitely thicker than water. What you think is a true friend may not be one at all.
You don't sound like you would be a true friend either. Attitude of "me being happier than you ever" is not very good attitude for friendship. Same with labelling someone by maturity and not by issues. Maybe you dismissed her of these things all the time and you started to get back what you shared?
A true friend is someone who has your back 24/7. They love you, accept you, and appreciate you for who you are. They want what is best for you and support you through thick and thin. They are the person you could call at 2 am and they'd help you. They enrich your life and are a blessing.
After being away for years, One call and your on your way home. No matter how far or how long.
Yes, this. One of my close friends from high school drifted away during college and we had no contact. We found each other over facebook, and our first phone call in 15 years lasted for 2 hours. It's like she was never gone.
I'm finding some of these posts to be very strange. Family is just a biological accident. Your friends are the people you choose based on shared beliefs, tastes and compatible personalities.
I'm 39, and the best friends I made in high school are still my best friends. My childhood best friend would still be my best friend if she hadn't died young. I grew apart from another one, but we still view each other in a positive light and communicate with each other. The two best friends from high school are the people I will grow old with. We are even now planning to join forces and start our own business once we've established our reputations in our current careers. They have always been the first people I called when I was feeling sad or alone.
I have a lot of other friends too who are very dear to me.
My father has had his best friend from the time he was a toddler. The relationship was sealed for good when they were nine and my "uncle" saved him from drowning. They are now in their 80s and live around the corner from each other.
And my "main squeeze" has a group of men who are very important to him - they all were in the military in the same place and they understand each other's combat experiences and have similar interests.
A true friend is someone you can agree to disagree with and still love one another.
A true friend can be in a room with others and the dynamic of your friendship doesn't change.
I've worked with some people that I thought might be good friends outside of work but realized that we are not.
We are merely co-workers and that's all we'll ever be. I've seen them in action so when I'm in the office I remain distant and focus on doing my job! I do not allow myself to be sucked into the office gossip. I can't deal with the negativity.
In a true friendship, you're always giving and receiving so it's both party's keeping each other going. Dot my "i" and I'll cross your "t". My husband is my best friend because he truly gets me and I him. However, I do have a childhood best friend and we may go weeks or months w/o a peep then reconnect just like it were yesterday.
A truth friend is one who really cares about you and will always be there for you and support you. Even if you were apart for years, this person will still care about you and have a long lasting bond.
You don't sound like you would be a true friend either. Attitude of "me being happier than you ever" is not very good attitude for friendship. Same with labelling someone by maturity and not by issues. Maybe you dismissed her of these things all the time and you started to get back what you shared?
And it could very well could be I couldn't be the friend she needed. And I can live with that, but I also know it wasn't trying to be a good friend, I was a good friend. This is an individual with overt OCD tendencies, and also very paranoid. For the last 10 years, I've tried to pull her out of her pity parties and dark hole she hard trouble staying out of. She alienated not only doctors, dentists, lawyers (4), every single teacher her son had, not to mention the high school guidance department, and finally, her own family.
So yes, about 4 years ago, while helping her through her $50K divorce (only her charges & not exaggerating), I noticed I was feeling blue. Depressed. I blamed various medications I was trying to adjust to, even went to the doctor for a check up. So, imagine my surprise around the beginning of this past New Year when I noticed my black cloud was gone. So yes, my crack about being happier than ever is the result of what I can now clearly see. I never dreamed of walking away from this friendship, only one thing did that. I suspect she mentally lost it starting with the sale of their martal property, and that is when her treatment of (just) me changed. It's not like I didn't tell her on many different occasions if she was crossing a line if she continued in her actions. One occassion was telling her that her driving (probably on percocet) was really scaring me, to the point I was shaking. At God knows how fast she traveling down a back country road she asked if the little baby was scared (meaning me) and continued to taunt me while driving. This is a grown woman and I was in real fear for my life. We were 200 miles from home. Only when I told her I was getting out of the car and renting a car did she listen. But I think I lost all respect for her in that incident. Another time, In front of a room full of people, she was mocking me, telling this story, in which she called me "poor wittle baby." There's more, but should give you an idea.
Sorry, but, as I said, we determine how we let people treat us. As her old friends came to rally behind her, her treatment of me only declined. At this point, I've moved on and do not see any way back the friendship we had. It's not pride or being right. It's called self respect and I need that to look in the mirror each day. And if that means I am not a true friend, that's okay, too.
I know what is not a true friend... One who takes all of ones positive energy, and friendship, for granted, takes all the benefits of friendship when times are rough and then disappears once they are back to feeling good
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