Parental Control (spouse, person, adults, college)
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Do you think its right for my parents to tell me that I can't date this guy? I'm twenty years old and I am currently going to school. I don't work but my parents are paying for my education and I still live under their roof. They are willing to help me financially and I appreciate that so much. I do follow their rules and stay out of trouble, however, there is a guy involved. I been talking to him about three years now and we talk on the phone almost everyday or if not text each other and sometimes see each other. We talk like best friends, lovers, and a couple who tells each other everything. The thing is I see him behind my parents back because they do not like him. They never even met him and they don't want any involvement with him. One night my mom found out that we met up one time and she got so mad at me. She was telling me that he isn't a good guy and that he is one of those types that will never leave me alone. The reason she said that is because I had to turn him down a lot, when he asks me out, I tell my mom that I'm going out and she would ask with who or where. I would tell her the truth, she would tell me no and I would have to turn him down. Then she told me that once a girl turns down a guy he would leave or move on to the next girl but this guy hasn't left me yet and is still trying to be in my life. My mom thinks that he is going to never leave me alone, lets say if I break up with him he would stalk me or whatever. I don't see how, I can't believe it, is my mom right? She tells me that she has a gut feeling, her senses tell her that this guy is bad news when she never met him...? What should I do? I really like/love him and I wish my parents and him would get along so I can go on dates with him whenever I can without going behind my parents back and be happy. Is my mom crazy or is she right?
You're almost done with college. One more year, right? Once you graduate and get a job, you can get your own place.
Is this guy a student? If so, you can see him at school. What do you do on weekends? Maybe you could do some volunteer work somewhere, or join a club, where he'll be participating, too.
It sounds like you've already asked your parents to meet him and get to know him, but they refused? That's unreasonable, of course. If you really did your best to ask them to meet him and they won't, you'll have to wait until you can get your own place before you can date. Unless you have a relative you can talk to, who might talk to your parents on your behalf.
Have you asked your parents why they don't like him? Maybe you could ask if there is a way that you can work something out with them so that you are respecting their feelings and could they meet you in the middle somehow?
You're almost done school, right? I know it is hard, but try to work with the situation. It is not worth making the situation miserable for yourself or your parents.
You're an adult by law, but not in your attitude. No time is too early to say no to your mother and I further sense that this will not be easy. She has the power, right now, and my guess she wants to keep it for a long, long time.
It may help if you sit down with your parents as adults and talk to them about this guy.
Parents want only the very best for their kids, and now that I am in my 40s, I know this from experience!
When I was young, they just seemed to be a thorn in my side, always on my back about my friends, etc.
Believe or not, I can honestly say today that they are the only ones who had my back, I just could not see it then.
Ask them their concerns, gut feelings towards this guy. Ask them to at least meet him in person before making that final decision.
Explain to them that you do not want to hide and see him behind their back like a teenager.
Parents gut feeling is usually right, but they could at least give him the benefit of the doubt, and meet him in person.
Does the guy have a good job? Does someone in his family have a bad reputation? Are you doing this just to rebel or because he's blocking out all viable suitors?
My guess is they think he's not good enough for you. Think about it. Can you do better?
You are still young and your parents have a lot more experience at life. They are trying to help you avoid men that they think are bad for you, or would make bad spouses.
She is probably right. 95% of the time the Mom radar is correct.
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