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I liked both of them very much, but especially his wife. Turn out she'd had cancer years before that had been in remission, but it came back. Doctors were consulted far and wide, but all agreed there was no hope. She didn't live long after that. Three months later he remarried. Recently an article in a magazine about the house they live in. (Which is next door to where he lived before). It talks about their love and how exciting it is. It's as if they had no life prior to meeting each other. No mention of the granddaughter who often stayed with her grandparents. I realize it's none of my business. It's just heavy on my mind and I'm writing it down to get it off my mind.
I understand your thoughts. My best friend passed away and her husband moved on very quickly. However, he is a great guy, great father. It weighed heavily on my heart, but really it isn't about me.
I understand your thoughts. My best friend passed away and her husband moved on very quickly. However, he is a great guy, great father. It weighed heavily on my heart, but really it isn't about me.
Thank you. I know my feelings have to do with my being so fond of his late wife. I appreciate your words.
I understand your thoughts on this. On one hand, you truly do want everyone to be happy and go on living their life. On the other hand, it makes it seem like the love he shared with his first wife wasn't hard for him to let go of - and we want to feel like those who love us will miss us and have a hard time moving on after we pass. We want to feel like our love meant something.
Everyone moves on with grief differently. In the case of a long cancer (or any long lasting disease), he may have been grieving and mourning for his wife for years and (especially if she was in a lot of pain, which people often are with cancer). When you see a loved one die slowly, it effects a person differently than a sudden death. If you look at the "stages of grief" when someone is slowly dying, you pass most of them before the person even dies (sometimes you are already at acceptance when they die):
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Also, when that person does die after suffering painfully for a long while, it's almost a relief (that they don't have to suffer any more). While I am not saying this as a person who had a lover die, I say this as a person who watched both her sister and father as well as two grandparents die a long death from cancer.
Also, remember, just because he fell in love again, doesn't invalidate the love he had before.
I've often seen men move on extremely quickly after their wives die--as quickly as 2-3 months. These are men who were in love with their wives and happy in their marriages.
Nothing wrong with moving on, but in a serious relationship or remarried within 2-3 months after 40 years of marriage...
To me, there's just something disturbing about moving on so fast after a marriage of decades. As a woman I always find it shocking.
Reporters write the story they want to write. He could have spent hours gushing about his granddaughter and his late wife and his life prior to the 2nd marriage, but if that wasn't the focus of the story, it doesn't make it into print.
And it may well be that his first wife, who sounds like she was a warm and wonderful person to have made such an impression on you, made him promise to move on with his life and find a second chance at happiness. I know that if I were in a situation like that, I would want my loved ones to do that.
I see this all the time. Men who were in long, loving relationships tend to find another companion very quickly. At first it shocked me and made me question their previous relationship. Being in the estate planning field, we deal with death very frequently. I think that men tend to need the female companionship that they lost.
Woman are usually different, they tend to lean on family and friends. It doesn't mean they didn't love their spouse. Men are open with their spouse, but women tend to also have friends they talk to and the men misses that when his wife dies.
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