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I had friends like that, the more they cancelled the less effort I made to stay in touch, they moved out of the area a few years back and I have not heard much from them since but when they lived in Lebanon we were the only people in town they knew.
Not sure why you're assuming that none of us posting on this thread have chronic medical conditions or mental health issues.
Chronic conditions are predictable in the sense that a person knows that their condition may make them cancel at the last minute. A person who has respect for another person's time and comfort will make that clear at the time plans are being made. They can make tentative commitments. Being sick doesn't automatically make a person inconsiderate.
Without going into too much detail I had one of those "chronic conditions" mentioned from 2004 until I had a hysterectomy in 2010. I held a full time job, then ran a business, traveled by car through Canada (not too many bathrooms there) and kept my cleanliness standards and my appointments. I was always at the ready for unexpected incidents which became completely expected in the last few years. (I was quite anemic at the end) I can't speak to the other mentioned conditions but I'd probably not accept invitations in the midst of a depressive episode or a relapse of a chronic condition that would prohibit being social or keeping an appointment.
I'm a no excuses type of person. Come hell or high water I get whatever it is that I've said I'd do done whether I feel like it or not. I really don't want to let people important to me down. I am stoic by nature (and nurture) and I see many people that get all bent out of shape, creating exceptions for themselves with what I consider really minor stuff that wouldn't raise a blip on my personal radar. Unfair or not, people that flake out on me for "stuff" with any regularity get written out of my planning and eventually out of my friendship without a darn good reason for leaving me high and dry repeatedly.
I typically don't bother befriending people that are so flaky that they are constantly cancelling last minute, though. I'm well past the point in life where I need to deal with people who just can't pull their own lives together.
^^ This
That said though, I'll make informal lunch dates with friends at work and it's common that one of us will have to reschedule at the last minute because something comes up. Doesn't bother me because that's at the office and we all kind of expect it could happen. In my personal life, if it happens often enough, I stop calling and inviting. Fortunately, I have enough friends in my life that I don't have to waste time with losers.
Not you again. If you really have a chronic medical condition that prevents you from showing up or being on time, then figure out a way to manage it or do not commit. Otherwise, you're just using whatever it is as an excuse to treat others poorly.
I know plenty of acquaintances and colleagues with chronic medical conditions and physical impairments who manage to be on time and live up to their promises. Maybe you should try it sometime.
I met several people like this after the 3rd strike I'm done.
Some times it depends on what people do too.
If they are on call, have kids , or keep getting interrupted by a health problem.
I don't mind the first time but if its repetitive forget it
Life too short so make the best of it by being with people that are not like that.
But annoying there are way too many people with these problems.
How forgiving are you when it comes to people who cancel 15 minutes before you're supposed to meet them? Unless it's a really good excuse or our plans were super casual, I just write them off.
My favorite is when they cancel and want to immediately reschedule.
It really depends on why they are canceling. If I feel the person is just brushing me off I usually give them one more chance and if they blow that, then I stop making plans with them.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Funny little anecdote: had dinner with a friend the other night; we were discussing a meeting that our wives were attending, but that it should go quickly because so-and-so's wife had cancelled. My friend sort of roiled his eyes and said "it happens a lot" (that she cancels). He said, we have taken to inviting the husband over, and telling him that if the wife is available, she can come too!
Not sure why you're assuming that none of us posting on this thread have chronic medical conditions or mental health issues.
Chronic conditions are predictable in the sense that a person knows that their condition may make them cancel at the last minute. A person who has respect for another person's time and comfort will make that clear at the time plans are being made. They can make tentative commitments. Being sick doesn't automatically make a person inconsiderate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AK-Cathy
Chronic medical conditions....
Without going into too much detail I had one of those "chronic conditions" mentioned from 2004 until I had a hysterectomy in 2010. I held a full time job, then ran a business, traveled by car through Canada (not too many bathrooms there) and kept my cleanliness standards and my appointments. I was always at the ready for unexpected incidents which became completely expected in the last few years. (I was quite anemic at the end) I can't speak to the other mentioned conditions but I'd probably not accept invitations in the midst of a depressive episode or a relapse of a chronic condition that would prohibit being social or keeping an appointment.
I'm a no excuses type of person. Come hell or high water I get whatever it is that I've said I'd do done whether I feel like it or not. I really don't want to let people important to me down. I am stoic by nature (and nurture) and I see many people that get all bent out of shape, creating exceptions for themselves with what I consider really minor stuff that wouldn't raise a blip on my personal radar. Unfair or not, people that flake out on me for "stuff" with any regularity get written out of my planning and eventually out of my friendship without a darn good reason for leaving me high and dry repeatedly.
And that's great for both of you, but not all conditions have the same symptoms and you absolutely cannot always "PREDICT" when you will be sick with all conditions.
It sounds like you are both very lucky as are your friends. I hope that you appreciate this now because your luck could change at any moment.
Saying that "everyone" should be able to do it because you can would be like me saying that everyone should be able to do a back flip because I can.
FYI- being SICK due to a chronic illness is not "flaking out."
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Not you again. If you really have a chronic medical condition that prevents you from showing up or being on time, then figure out a way to manage it or do not commit. Otherwise, you're just using whatever it is as an excuse to treat others poorly.
I know plenty of acquaintances and colleagues with chronic medical conditions and physical impairments who manage to be on time and live up to their promises. Maybe you should try it sometime.
Yes, "me again. " It's a sad world when people choose to spend their free time to argue that "chronically sick people" should have "no excuses" and not "flake out, " and spend so much of their time BERATING AN ADVOCATE FOR THE CHRONICALLY ILL.
If you and your posse spent half as much time as you do attacking advocates for invisible disabilities, you could spend that time to actually educate yourselves and become more well rounded people. Apparently, this is not as important as bullying, blaming and shaming.
Again, the fact that YOUR illness is able to be overcome in the realm of meeting appointments w 100% accuracy is great for you and for your supposedly sick friends. Unfortunately, not all chronic medical conditions are created equally.
It's great for YOU that you have friends who may have a grand mal seizure, for example, less than 30 minutes of meeting you and still show up to see you. OTOH, it could be really harmful for HER not to choose her health because she is so afraid of you that she MUST "live up to her promise" vs ending a one sided friendship with you.
It's called "being educated and having empathy." It takes a bit more intelligence and compassion than your snarky comments do. It also means being less narcissistic in terms of friendships, which are by definition, two sided.
"Maybe you should try it sometime."
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