Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You said there is not room for two couples in Mom's house. Is there already another couple living there?
If not, you really need to either move in with here to provide her care AND save money/sell that house you can't afford, or HIRE someone to pay to care for her so you can get a job to pay for the house. Mom/family will have to pay someone else to care for her if they won't pay you.
We recently had a family member pass and the other family member that had moved in to care for her billed her estate when she passed and that money came out of the estate, but it was written up legally ahead of time.
Or actually hire someone to take care of mom and go get a job to pay for the house.
Yeah, that, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goodbyesnow
You said there is not room for two couples in Mom's house. Is there already another couple living there?
If not, you really need to either move in with here to provide her care AND save money/sell that house you can't afford, or HIRE someone to pay to care for her so you can get a job to pay for the house. Mom/family will have to pay someone else to care for her if they won't pay you.
We recently had a family member pass and the other family member that had moved in to care for her billed her estate when she passed and that money came out of the estate, but it was written up legally ahead of time.
Really good idea.
OP, you couldn't help it that the market took a dive when it did. The bad part was going through a hard-money lender on a home that apparently was not able to get real financing. At that point, it would have been better to select another house, without all of the problems. Hard-money lenders charge unbelievable high rates (didn't the Mafia used to get in trouble for this type of lending?) and should only be used by flippers that will have the home a very short period. They make out like crazy - they love it that you are stuck and are paying outrageous interest on their money - and will actually hope you have to foreclose (which there sounds like there is no alternative, because the house still won't pass for other lenders). You are going to lose the home, without another lender, so you might as well do it now, instead of continuing to bleed money. One positive aspect is they may not report you (they could, but unlikely) to the credit bureau. Then you could start paying off those balances to get your credit back up.
....Financing a home does not take years unless there is a serious issue with the property that you have not made clear here yet. At this point, I still stand by the earlier statement - walk away.
The reasons we have been given by lenders are exactly what I said -- nothing more, nothing less.
We reported the last lender (last spring) -- who turned us down for the pool not being clean -- because lender never gave us a reason for the denial, and law requires a reason. After the feds checked, the lender gave us the pool reason. We didn't find that an acceptable reason because all they needed to do was extend our rate about a month until the cleaning was accomplished. Feds said they would investigate further. About 2 months ago, same lender asked for a second chance to work with us on a refinance. We are near the end of that process. Maybe it will go well ... hard to have much faith by now. If it does, then we'll be able to get things pulled together and avoid the bad consequences. If it doesn't, well, there went our last chance.
The reasons we have been given by lenders are exactly what I said -- nothing more, nothing less.
We reported the last lender (last spring) -- who turned us down for the pool not being clean -- because lender never gave us a reason for the denial, and law requires a reason. After the feds checked, the lender gave us the pool reason. We didn't find that an acceptable reason because all they needed to do was extend our rate about a month until the cleaning was accomplished. Feds said they would investigate further. About 2 months ago, same lender asked for a second chance to work with us on a refinance. We are near the end of that process. Maybe it will go well ... hard to have much faith by now. If it does, then we'll be able to get things pulled together and avoid the bad consequences. If it doesn't, well, there went our last chance.
You're not listening to what people are saying to you at all. Cut your loses. Stand your ground. Get a job. NOW!
No, you are not being overly sensitive. I would feel extremely hurt and betrayed by my siblings. I think it is time to be blunt with them and remind them ALL you are sacrificing. They should be willing to do this for you!
I don;t think you understand how Estates work. Nor do I think you read my post so I'll repeat myself somewhat here.
You do not send a bill, you would likely in this sinereo, need to get an Attorney to establish a claim. UNLESS she is also the Trustee, which I addressed that situation already in which she just pays herself.
The "claim" (a legal term) her Attorney would establish be based on reasonable compensation for the years she cared for her mom. This is a universal concept for all the States.
To ensure this claim is paid for, one step which can be taken. Not sure if Mom would agree, but it would be prudent to have a simple agreement created and signed which allows her daughter to re-coup what is called reasonable compensation fees. There need not be any amounts. So she could just let her Mom know that with all her care and the lack of her siblings to contribute, this would allow them to contribute their portion to her care.
The other siblings do not need to know about this. Other family members can back this up and Mom would've signed it prior to her death.
"Reasonable" under the law, is basically the going rate of care for that State. This is what my Attorney told me, and it is what I also went online to verify. Considering I am NOT an attorney, if I were her, I'd call Moms Attorney myself and see if there can be a contract written up and inserted into the will. It can be dropped off at the Office while she is alive.
Again, it is prudent she pay to have a consultation with an Elder Law Attorney herself.
And again, as I said, she needs to be the Executor of the Will, or Trustee of the Estate if possible. Then she can be using the Estates money to defend any false claims, IF the siblings even feel the need to pay out of pocket to just loose the case. They'd have to prove she forged the signature, hence why if it's done ahead of time and filed at the Attorneys office, would be difficult to prove. Most people have no problem using the Estates money to defend themselves, once they need to fork out of pocket, it's another story. You may need to re-read this post many times to understand this legaleeze, but it can be understood.
.....
Ruth P. , Elder Law Attorney answers:
What would a caregiver have charged? Caregivers don't pay rent or for food - that is included in their wage, but a caregiver 24/7 is paid between $150 and $220 per 24 hour day, plus meals and a place to sleep. And if a caregiver doesn't get 5 uninterrupted hours of sleep a night, then you pay by the hour, which is $15 - $19 per hour. So you need to settle this with your sister. And were all her expenses paid? Did mom pay for her health insurance? Contribute to a retirement plan for her? Pay social security taxes? Your sister has a claim that must be resolved. Perhaps agree to pay her at the low end of the scale - $150 per day.
- See more at: Answers to Compensation for Caregivers Questions | MyAgingFolks
This is interesting. Based on the minumum figures given here, if I divide the amount we've borrowed from my folks/Mom over this time, by the number of months I've been doing this caregiving, if they/she was paying me it would have been less than $500 a month. If I were to be paid by the day (24/7), she would owe me in the range of over $300,000. I didn't realize caregiving costs could run that high, but of course we all know that not only is it better for our parents to be able to finish out their days in their own loved and familiar home, but also it does cost less than other situations would. Just didn't realize how MUCH they have been saving.
Imho, it wouldn't be wise to arrange for care for her mother at this time. In fact, it would be the WORST financial decision to date. The OP has alternatives to be tried first. The law encompasses that whoever cares for Mom prior to her death, is entitled to reasonable compensation.
To do anything different would keep the OP in the same financial situation, or close. For her to get paid $200 a day, for the last 4 or 7 years she's cared for her mother, is the fair way to go. Again, it is only fair. And it ensures a bright financial future, one she had before she graciously began caring for her Mother out of the goodness of her heart.
To begrudge someone this title because they could've made better financial decisions, is frankly, heartless. What we have here is an Angel who gave up her life for her Mother, and if her mothers of sound mind, she's a user. Forcing her daughter to work three times as hard to overcompensate for her siblings portion is basically, ruining this woman's life. She's lost many years of her life over her siblings selfish and greedy nature
Last edited by CaliforniaGal1; 11-13-2014 at 03:02 PM..
You said there is not room for two couples in Mom's house. Is there already another couple living there?
If not, you really need to either move in with here to provide her care AND save money/sell that house you can't afford, or HIRE someone to pay to care for her so you can get a job to pay for the house. Mom/family will have to pay someone else to care for her if they won't pay you.
We recently had a family member pass and the other family member that had moved in to care for her billed her estate when she passed and that money came out of the estate, but it was written up legally ahead of time.
Yes, there was another couple living at Mom's house -- my Mom and Dad. Now it's just me and my Mom living here, but even so it is crowded. Most of our belongings (my husband's and mine) are still stored here, we have not wanted to move everything to the property we bought, until we could be sure we were going to be able to keep it on a reasonable mortgage.
This is interesting. Based on the minumum figures given here, if I divide the amount we've borrowed from my folks/Mom over this time, by the number of months I've been doing this caregiving, if they/she was paying me it would have been less than $500 a month. If I were to be paid by the day (24/7), she would owe me in the range of over $300,000. I didn't realize caregiving costs could run that high, but of course we all know that not only is it better for our parents to be able to finish out their days in their own loved and familiar home, but also it does cost less than other situations would. Just didn't realize how MUCH they have been saving.
And I pay for my own food.
It's so nice you give of yourself like this.
The average caregiver here makes $1 more per hr than minimum wage. I have heard care-giving in nursing homes is much much higher
The rest of this post is just to the OP & thread in general-
I am not totally against billing the Estate for my own care-giving of my Husbands Uncle. I barely knew the guy, took him in and cared for him until his death. Six weeks, non-stop. He gave me money but not nearly what the law establishes so I could easily pay myself, the difference, considering I am also the Trustee. He gave me $3000 and I am fine with that. So I am not doing a thing to get more money. Six weeks is nothing compared to caring for someone for years.
Per the Estate's Attorney, I could bill, and pay myself, for the average care-giving wage of $10 per hr or likely more since I got less than 5 hrs sleep per night, (which also plays into the law)
To obtain an Elder Law Attorney who will likely advise her to create a contract between herself and her mother which only states the words "reasonable compensation" be paid upon her Mothers death, is best
If not, a hand written contract signed by her mother with the words "reasonable compensation" being paid by the Estate after Moms death and witnessed by a few family members, and signed by them, should suffice. It's better than nothing though again, seeing an Elder Law Attorney for a consultation is best.
Last edited by CaliforniaGal1; 11-13-2014 at 03:03 PM..
You're not listening to what people are saying to you at all. Cut your loses. Stand your ground. Get a job. NOW!
I am listening to and thinking about -- and appreciate -- all the comments. At this point, I don't think dumping my Mom's care onto my sisters is an option although getting them to understand that I need more "break time" is a possibility if they can work out to take the time off their jobs ... neither of them can afford to get fired, and one of them currently has pneumonia. Getting a job, myself, is a whole other ballgame at age 66, with a disability of my own although I would try to at least find something part-time if I were in a position to do so.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
