Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've known this guy for almost 14 yrs. throughout all these years, we've been on a rollercoaster, with a lot of ups and downs.
this 'friend' is a funny and entertaining guy to be around. he has a charismatic personality, that a lot of people find pretty attractive. he's also a very self-centered and narcissistic womanizer.
Do you think I'm doing the right thing here?
If it's right "for you," it's the right thing to do. End of story.
Guessing you're a guy, if it matters, from context. Mentioned because generally women find the behaviors described even more-contemptible than men, and sooner too. This has been my observation (male perspective). Even guys get tired of philandering bums after awhile, though. Case in point:
I let a guy go just out of college I'd been friends with for about four years at the time. I'd finally had enough of his philandering on girlfriends, chiseling in on my dates, whoring, and similar. Just a matter of perspective: I couldn't take it anymore, knowing the pain he was causing others with literally not a care in the world. One day, I'd just had "enough!"
But that's me. I let people go, from time to time, thought it's never an easy decision. You'll do what you must, in the end. Wiping people off my address book and etc., mostly makes them go away. It's your time, you can decide how to spend it. Stop emailing, stop answering, etc. I think it's the equivalent of "wishing them well" by acknowledging, implicitly or explicitly, you've moved on from that.
IMO, in the end it goes to the "wrestling with pigs" adage: you both get dirty and the pig likes it. Or, "Hang with the Mongols, become a Mongol." "For evil to flourish, all this is required is for good men to do nothing."
Actually, I'd be breathing a sigh of relief to know that I was not being invited to any baby shower. Those things are pretty effin' boring. Thank god my cousin had hers in a restaurant with a bar that opened at 11 am - YAY MIMOSAS!
+1. I avoided the baby shower scene my whole life by never having any babies myself. Then whenever my friends had baby showers, my grandmother died suddenly. She must have died about 12 times by now
I don't tolerate people who actively damage other people they say they care about.
+1
If not receiving an invite to a baby shower made me that angry, I'd likely ask my friend, gently, why. But it doesn't sound like you're too bothered about losing him as a friend anyway whattodo2014, so that may be your answer. Good luck!
Ok, why on EARTH would you want to go to the baby shower of a woman who you know is being cheated on by your friend? I'd be breathing a sigh of relief.
Actually, I'd be breathing a sigh of relief to know that I was not being invited to any baby shower. Those things are pretty effin' boring. Thank god my cousin had hers in a restaurant with a bar that opened at 11 am - YAY MIMOSAS!
You need to be more mature about this kind of thing. Why would you invest any emotional import into what some guy who you basically say is without morals tells you? With friends like that, you kind of have to keep them at an arms' length emotionally. You can't rely on them to care that much about your emotions, even though they can be fun people.
But I have to say, while I wouldn't care about a never-sent baby shower invitation, the idea that someone was cheating on their pregnant girlfriend and expected me to keep the secret would be enough to turn me off of the friendship for good. Think for a second about what it says about you that you are more upset over the invitation than you are over your friend's depraved behavior.
I have convicted felons and people with personality disorders among my friends, so I know about making allowances. But I don't tolerate cruelty, and I don't tolerate people who actively damage other people they say they care about.
All of this.
If he's a narcissistic womanizer, my guess is he's also either an alcoholic or drug addict. Addict or not, he's emotionally stunted and can't be trusted (obviously, look at what he's doing to his pregnant girlfriend). Sure, these people can be great fun to hang out with because they have no conscience and therefore have no problem saying or doing anything to get attention.
People like this are not actual friends. This guy will only drag you down with him.
If he's a narcissistic womanizer, my guess is he's also either an alcoholic or drug addict. Addict or not, he's emotionally stunted and can't be trusted (obviously, look at what he's doing to his pregnant girlfriend). Sure, these people can be great fun to hang out with because they have no conscience and therefore have no problem saying or doing anything to get attention.
People like this are not actual friends. This guy will only drag you down with him.
You're entirely correct in your assessment.
I have a strong feeling this guy will attempt to reach out to me sooner or later. I think I would have to tell him that we no longer should keep in touch.
well, i asked my wife what she thinks about unfriending them. and she laughed at me.
im transcribing her response verbatim;
"Whatever. I don’t care. I don’t even interact with them like with many others."
Your wife sounds like a sane woman who doesn't obsess about social media and has too busy a life to fuss over such trivialities.
Ok, why on EARTH would you want to go to the baby shower of a woman who you know is being cheated on by your friend? I'd be breathing a sigh of relief.
Actually, I'd be breathing a sigh of relief to know that I was not being invited to any baby shower. Those things are pretty effin' boring. Thank god my cousin had hers in a restaurant with a bar that opened at 11 am - YAY MIMOSAS!
You need to be more mature about this kind of thing. Why would you invest any emotional import into what some guy who you basically say is without morals tells you? With friends like that, you kind of have to keep them at an arms' length emotionally. You can't rely on them to care that much about your emotions, even though they can be fun people.
But I have to say, while I wouldn't care about a never-sent baby shower invitation, the idea that someone was cheating on their pregnant girlfriend and expected me to keep the secret would be enough to turn me off of the friendship for good. Think for a second about what it says about you that you are more upset over the invitation than you are over your friend's depraved behavior.
I have convicted felons and people with personality disorders among my friends, so I know about making allowances. But I don't tolerate cruelty, and I don't tolerate people who actively damage other people they say they care about.
you know what? I asked that question myself many times.
prior to this one, he had another GF. He would cheat on that girl almost every single weekend. This girl kind of knew he was a womanizer so she was very controlling of him. She caught txt messages and FB internal messages from other women, and still stayed with him.
So I rationalized; if somehow she knows this guy is a womanizer, why in the world would I want to get involved in thier relationship to that point? I had no relationship with his previous GF other than she was my friend's GF. So in all honesty I didn't feel so guilty about it.
Now this new GF, he met while still being involved in his previous relationship. They met in a club (this guy's prefered picking up spot). She's 38 yr old. He's 33.
One day we were drinking, and he confessed to me, that she being older than him will eventually lead to him leaving her or branching out.
so yea, this guy is a piece of work.
he's artistically very talented, but he doesn't have a penny to his name, is always broke and works sporadically. which means he's to an extent financially supported by his GFs.
you know what? I asked that question myself many times.
prior to this one, he had another GF. He would cheat on that girl almost every single weekend. This girl kind of knew he was a womanizer so she was very controlling of him. She caught txt messages and FB internal messages from other women, and still stayed with him.
So I rationalized; if somehow she knows this guy is a womanizer, why in the world would I want to get involved in thier relationship to that point? I had no relationship with his previous GF other than she was my friend's GF. So in all honesty I didn't feel so guilty about it.
Now this new GF, he met while still being involved in his previous relationship. They met in a club (this guy's prefered picking up spot). She's 38 yr old. He's 33.
One day we were drinking, and he confessed to me, that she being older than him will eventually lead to him leaving her or branching out.
so yea, this guy is a piece of work.
he's artistically very talented, but he doesn't have a penny to his name, is always broke and works sporadically. which means he's to an extent financially supported by his GFs.
Wow. That's gonna be awesome for his kid.
How do you look the baby mama in the eye? He's just got her on the string until something better comes along and he's making a fool of her in front of all his friends (because I'm quite certain he hasn't just confided his intentions to you).
What do you get out of the relatoinship besides getting to feel like one of the cool kids?
you know what? I asked that question myself many times.
he's artistically very talented, but he doesn't have a penny to his name, is always broke and works sporadically. which means he's to an extent financially supported by his GFs.
....which also means, possibly, personality disorder: Antisocial/Psychopathic.
(K, I'm not a mental health professional. But looking up the DSM V definition for the disorder, gotta wonder based on the provided description...)
I dealt with a Borderline awhile, and that was scary enough: an educated layman attempting to "reason" with a disturbed/disordered person got me nowhere. She hit about 6/9 criteria, per DSM IV. In fact me attempting to counsel and cope with that was counterproductive to all involved. Unfortunately.
What do you get out of the relatoinship besides getting to feel like one of the cool kids?
When you reach a certain age, that kind of behavior is no longer cool. It's irresponsible, counterproductive and unhealthy. People like that seem to have everything, but at the end of the day, they have nothing.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
