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Honestly, to me, it sounds like her boyfriend is the only one she can trust - not you. The first thing you need to realize is she is smarter than you give her credit for, if you have ANY doubt about her story of rape then she KNOWS you do (trust me, doubt is easy to spot). If she is willing to talk to the sheriff about being raped then I REALLY doubt she is lying, and I don't care what anyone says, women don't lie about rape as often as some people would like you to believe. To have gone to the sheriffs during school hours means she talked to a teacher or staff member about therape, correct? Well, during my experience as being a teenager it takes a LOT to get a teenager to open up to someone who works for their school, let alone a new school. Chances are she is changing the tune from "touching" to rape because when it first happened she had FRIENDS and a support system at her old school, and that gave her comfort to lie (she probably felt guilty for what happened to her, thinking that it is her fault she didn't stop him). Now that she has moved schools, she might feel like she has no one to talk to (besides her boyfriend), which lead to her talking to the school, and when the school hears rape - so does the cops.
Personally, if I were the girl, I would be acting out too. It seems everyone is taking the sides of the brother, at least to her. And wouldn't YOU act out if put into her place? And if she is acting out sexually, TWICE, then that says a lot, and yes she is acting out sexually. She isn't stupid, she knew she could and might get caught at school (and in the "flip" house) when she did those things, maybe she wanted to get caught (without realizing it even). Acting out sexually is a big deal, I know I was having sex at that age but I also knew how to hide it, I doubt she isn't just being "stupid" and getting caught on "accident".
But hey, I could be wrong about all this, but I still hope this helps some!
According to most statistics false accusations of rape are only 2% to 8% (and that includes accusations that are almost immediately taken back). What do you think are the chances that a young teen whose step-brother already molested her, at minimum, by touching her breasts would be a part of that small statistics to falsely accuse her step-brother of rape?
Frankly, I suspect that she is telling the truth about the rape. Imagine the horror of being forced to live with your rapist? Forced to see your rapist everyday? Forced to sit across from him at breakfast & dinner everyday? Forced to go on vacation with your rapist? etc. etc. Just imagine the horror, and the horror never ends.
Correct me if I'm wrong; from my understanding she is being forced to live with the stepbrother....
WTF? Her mother is a twisted minded parent for putting her child in that type of danger. It seems as if she's putting her stepchild and husband in front of her own child. I swear this world is so backwards. And yes, I'm judging you for not doing more to stop it.
Chances are she is acting out sexually because of what happened to her. And as her aunt, it would behoove you to take action and get her out of there.
Honestly, to me, it sounds like her boyfriend is the only one she can trust - not you. The first thing you need to realize is she is smarter than you give her credit for, if you have ANY doubt about her story of rape then she KNOWS you do (trust me, doubt is easy to spot). If she is willing to talk to the sheriff about being raped then I REALLY doubt she is lying, and I don't care what anyone says, women don't lie about rape as often as some people would like you to believe. To have gone to the sheriffs during school hours means she talked to a teacher or staff member about the rape, correct? Well, during my experience as being a teenager it takes a LOT to get a teenager to open up to someone who works for their school, let alone a new school. Chances are she is changing the tune from "touching" to rape because when it first happened she had FRIENDS and a support system at her old school, and that gave her comfort to lie (she probably felt guilty for what happened to her, thinking that it is her fault she didn't stop him). Now that she has moved schools, she might feel like she has no one to talk to (besides her boyfriend), which lead to her talking to the school, and when the school hears rape - so does the cops.
Personally, if I were the girl, I would be acting out too. It seems everyone is taking the sides of the brother, at least to her. And wouldn't YOU act out if put into her place? And if she is acting out sexually, TWICE, then that says a lot, and yes she is acting out sexually. She isn't stupid, she knew she could and might get caught at school (and in the "flip" house) when she did those things, maybe she wanted to get caught (without realizing it even). Acting out sexually is a big deal, I know I was having sex at that age but I also knew how to hide it, I doubt she isn't just being "stupid" and getting caught on "accident".
But hey, I could be wrong about all this, but I still hope this helps some!
Do you have experience with girls, false accusations and rape?
If you don't then please do not try to state as a true fact that false accusations do not occur as often as one may think because they actually occur more often than people really know.
Original poster: Legally there is probably nothing you can do unless someone in authority has asked you to be a temporary care taker. You can listen all you want to anyone involved in this situation but I would advise not voicing an opinion to anyone. Just listen, no comments, no opinion, no nothing but listening.
Very tough situation, but you can lift her up with encouraging kind words and good advice. Have some one on one time with her, like lunch or shopping and hear what she have to say. Find out what her interests are and build on that so she can have something to escape to. Continue to be there for her and best of luck to all of you.
I completely understand what everyone here is saying. Child protective service did become involved and in talking with her, they dismissed the case and claimed it to be "unfounded". The whole family was supposed to go today to be interview by the detective handling the case. He had called last night stating he assigned to another case and their investigation would be postponed.
I can't say my sister doesn't have issues, that would be unrealistic. But my niece is more important, and my sister doesn't wish to hear what anyone else has to say unless they are agreeing with her logic of the situation. She has been documenting my niece's faults since she was 12 and never lets the past go for her to be able to move on. She keeps these documents (facebook posts, text messages, her personal diary's that she USED to keep). To use as proof that she has been out of control for a long time.
I'm the sitting in the background and hearing all of this, and saying to myself "WHAT THE H IS GOING ON HERE!"
Child protective services won't touch the case, and the police, well apparently it's not worth their time. With no support from them, I haven't a leg to stand on legally.
Very tough situation, but you can lift her up with encouraging kind words and good advice. Have some one on one time with her, like lunch or shopping and hear what she have to say. Find out what her interests are and build on that so she can have something to escape to. Continue to be there for her and best of luck to all of you.
Obviously, we on C-D do not know the family & the whole situation.
ipaper has some great suggestions.
Years ago I had a 6th grade student who was "acting out" and this continued through her middle school and high school years (from what I was told by her next teachers). It turned out that her older brother was sexually abusing her the entire time but had threatened to kill her and the rest of the family if she told anyone. She "told" by acting out but no one added it up/figured it out for six or seven years. I may be more sympathetic to your niece because of my feelings of guilt because I had a student who was hurting deeply and I was not able to figure out why and do my part to get her the help that she needed.
Do you have experience with girls, false accusations and rape?
If you don't then please do not try to state as a true fact that false accusations do not occur as often as one may think because they actually occur more often than people really know.
Sorry, I have to take issue with this. False rape accusations are rare, unless you are reading "Men's Rights" blogs. Now if you are talking about "unfounded" accusations that is an entirely different issue, and is not the same as a false claim.
I completely understand what everyone here is saying. Child protective service did become involved and in talking with her, they dismissed the case and claimed it to be "unfounded". The whole family was supposed to go today to be interview by the detective handling the case. He had called last night stating he assigned to another case and their investigation would be postponed.
Please see above to understand the term "unfounded" in this context. I'm wondering if it wouldn't help your niece to speak with a rep from an organization like RAINN?
Whether the girl's statements are true or not (and I believe that they are true), the girl and the step brother need to be separated. It doesn't sound like the family is going to get the stepbrother out of there, since they would have done it already, had they been going to. Can you offer the girl a home? If so, go to the sister, point out that whether the accusation is true or false, it is clearly not a good environment for the girl, nor a good situation for the entire family. Point out that nothing is working thus far for the girl, and ask whether your niece can live with you, as a break from the traumatic environment. Your sister may be relieved.
Also, are there any other girls younger than your niece living in that household? They may be or have been victims of molestation by the same young man, and most certainly are at risk. The incidence of sibling incest in an older brother/younger sister situation is at least 20%, by a large college survey done anonymously. This is by far the most prevalent form of incest. And when you consider that a stepbrother would have no sense of taboo regarding younger stepsisters, since they're not genetically related, the incidence must be even higher for step sibs. If there are younger girls in the house, they are at very high risk of molestation/rape.
Sorry, I have to take issue with this. False rape accusations are rare, unless you are reading "Men's Rights" blogs. Now if you are talking about "unfounded" accusations that is an entirely different issue, and is not the same as a false claim.
Is "false" meaning "it was proven that the accused party is 100% innocent" and "unfounded" meaning "not enough evidence exists to proceed with criminal charges?"
I suspect that socially the price is paid by the victim of false/unfounded accusations -- much like a guy that calls one too many times gets labelled a "stalker" in a social context even though no formal process is begun with law enforcement. This social label gets applied to guys ranging from "creepy but not doing anything illegal" to "couldn't read the girl's mind."
I'm guessing that OP's niece (1) changing her story and (2) having some facets of her story not make sense is planting the seed of doubt in OP's mind. It could well be that the niece is escalating the facts of the story.
But all this is WAY trumped by the fact that the mom is moving her entire family -- including the stepbrother everyone acknowledges molested the niece in a non-penetration manner (unless the "dealing with the problem" involved telling the niece "don't you tempt your brother so much, boys can't help themselves" or somesuch BS.)
So the niece is ripped away from whatever support network she had, making the stepbrother even larger in her life. That's just a move that is boneheaded at best or evil at worst.
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