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My mother continues to visit my grandparents even after the divorce, especially now that my grandmother is physically and mentally incapacitated after an accident at home. They always loved her and she says that parents-in-law are for life.
The only problem is that she will occasionally run into someone she doesn't want to meet, my father. He's not too pleased that she keeps visiting his parents but my grandfather reminded him he's not the one who decides who can or can't come to their house.
I'm curious if any of you keep in contact with your ex's family.
Sometimes people develop relationships with their spouse's family members that go beyond relationships that exist simply because of the mutual relationship to the spouse. That's a good thing, not a bad thing. There's no reason to simply end those relationships following a divorce. With that being said, if ever forced to take sides, one should (at least almost) always side with his/her own family and not the ex's family in front of them (but not necessarily privately).
In your case, your mother may view your paternal grandparents as more like parents than anything. Your grandmother needs assistance and, if your father has a problem with your mother providing it, he should step up and help more. It's much more his responsibility to help than hers so, unless there's something big you're not telling us, he should shut it.
I would stay in contact with some of my husband's siblings (if we were to divorce). Over all these years, I have grown close to some of them and wouldn't see any reason to alienate them because my husband and I weren't together.
My parents were married 21 years and were divorced 18 years ago. My dad remarried twice after that; my grandmother told both wives that they were welcome to be part of her family, but she loved my mom too and wasn't ending that relationship. My mother's family lived 2 states away; his family WAS her family.
His mother accompanied my mom to the divorce hearings. Mom helped find the assisted living home where my grandmother lives now. Now that my father is deceased, his mother spends holidays with my mom. Both of my parents were fairly predictable, so they were able to visit without seeing each other, most of the time.
I enjoy my former MIL. I don't live close to her, but we chat on the phone several times a month. I'm not giving her up just because he left.
I wouldn't even ask for a divorce until my FIL died, because I knew it would upset him. My MIL was mad at me for awhile, but she got over it. There is no point cutting them off just because of a divorce. The divorce was between your dad and mom only. If they get along, why not continue to be friendly?
I'm still in contact with a siblings ex. We were friends for years while they were together, how am I gonna just dump them? Besides, its not like my sibling ever made an effort to pick up the phone.
I don't think it's unusual at all especially after 30 years of having a relationship with them. I was very close to my in laws and my SIL (his brother's wife, not his sister) was one of my best friends. We kept in touch for awhile, but the relationships faded out over time. My ex left me for a coworker that he is now married to and though his family loved me they didn't have much choice but to accept her. I didn't blame them for that, but it was too difficult for me to maintain relationships with them after that and it was making it harder for me to really let go.
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