Family fighting over deceased parent's will... does it ever end? (wife, father)

[aliss2]

My grandfather died about four days ago.

None of us knew how much money he had, he was a blue-collar train worker his whole life. Well, turns out he had stashed $500k. He left $495k to one of his kids, and left the other $5k to split amongst his other 5 kids.

Needless to say, those 5 all hate the other one now. No reason except it is cultural tradition to leave everything to the son. Too bad for the girls.

This is the first death in my family that led to something like this. Did your family ever "break up" over money? It's a ****-off I guess, but it's not really my uncle's fault for being the 'favourite' kid either.

[Idlewile]

That's appalling and so sad considering your grandfather knew they were completely unaware of the amount of money before his death; I cannot imagine a circumstance where one would not fully expect the family turmoil and permanent damage that this decision would cause.

I have heard of families breaking up or at least permanently damaged over monies left - two families in fact - and they were for much smaller discrepancies between siblings than this.

[BirdieBelle]

It does not usually get any better. In some families, the resentment can last a lifetime, especially when it is a surprise like this.

[Nerys52SoSilver]

Not sure where you live but USA Canada Europe etc have laws that cover inheritance. I am non US but found this see
The link does not work but see site www.ehow.com/ article 6581935 united-states-law-inheritance html

[Thursday007]

Originally Posted by aliss2

My grandfather died about four days ago.

None of us knew how much money he had, he was a blue-collar train worker his whole life. Well, turns out he had stashed $500k. He left $495k to one of his kids, and left the other $5k to split amongst his other 5 kids.

Needless to say, those 5 all hate the other one now. No reason except it is cultural tradition to leave everything to the son. Too bad for the girls.

This is the first death in my family that led to something like this. Did your family ever "break up" over money? It's a ****-off I guess, but it's not really my uncle's fault for being the 'favourite' kid either.

If he was following a tradition he felt near to and was of sound mind when he made the will then there is little to do except respect his wishes. You didn't have access to the money before so nothing has really changed and it's not coming out of your pocket to pay the 'favorite son.'

Your issue is not with Jr. He had nothing to do with it so why chastise him? Your issue is with your grandfather and his decision and he is no longer here to defend his choices.

[MaseMan]

Grandfather might have been following "cultural norms" but he was also following a great way to ensure his offspring turned on each other. Pretty sad.

I also don't get this idea that wills need to be kept as some big secret until after the person passes. Maybe if grandfather had given everyone a heads up that the bulk of his estate would pass on to the son, it would have been slightly more easily accepted.

[branDcalf]

I doubt many would do this... But I knew of a case similar where the first son shared his with the others.

But, none were surprised that the father did the will the way he did, due to culture. The children, oldest son included, just didn't hold with that tradition.

There are ways to avoid heavy gift taxes and such, by working together.

It rarely happens. Sad when families get into this kind of mess.

[tamajane]

Originally Posted by aliss2

My grandfather died about four days ago.


This is the first death in my family that led to something like this. Did your family ever "break up" over money? It's a ****-off I guess, but it's not really my uncle's fault for being the 'favourite' kid either.

It's your uncle's fault if he chooses not to split that money with his siblings. Grandpa is gone, uncle can do as he wishes with the money that was left to him. He should split it with the others, not just to keep peace but because it is the right thing to do.

[aliss2]

Originally Posted by Thursday007

If he was following a tradition he felt near to and was of sound mind when he made the will then there is little to do except respect his wishes. You didn't have access to the money before so nothing has really changed and it's not coming out of your pocket to pay the 'favorite son.'

Your issue is not with Jr. He had nothing to do with it so why chastise him? Your issue is with your grandfather and his decision and he is no longer here to defend his choices.

I'm not chastising him, I'm sad that my family hates each other now. I'm one of a million grandchildren, I don't expect a penny out of this.

[Rubi3]

My parents put me as co-owner of all their assets. I think my mother figured out it would prevent anyone else having anything that had once been hers. If she died and my dad remarried, for instance. As it happens, she lived 3 years longer than he lived. They both wanted me to give ten thousand to my brother and I intended to, but circumstances caused me to change my mind. He became extremely angry toward me because he thought I'd not responded to an email he sent although I told him I had definitely responded. He told me off in a vicious, unnecessary way. He was so furious, he could barely contain himself. Turns out, his wife had deleted my email, but he refused to change what he'd said to me. It cost him ten thousand dollars. Never in a million years would he have said to his wife what he said to me. Her brother is among the wealthy and often sends them large sums. He would not do anything to jeopardize a problem with his wife. I didn't need him to say anything to her, but he needed to say something to me about not believing me when he learned he was mistaken.