Emotionally abusive mother. What do I do? (adults, abuse, college)
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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,813,040 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
Doing household chores shouldn't require a thank you, every member of the household should do chores. I think you slould move out now, why wait until you turn 18?
How often do you thank and praise your mom for the things she does around the house?
Do you tell your wife you appreciate her efforts once in a while? That is all the OP is looking for.
Patience. You are almost out. My mother was similar, plus an alcoholic on top of it. I felt the same way you do when I was your age. Trust me, once you are out of the house, even though the way she treats you won't change, you won't be around it all the tine and it WILL help. Hang in there, and good luck.
I dont know, but it does seem like everyone in the house gets "wrung out" by the time kids are about to leave the nest...like theh all cannot stand it a minute longer...!! Now, i think this happens in households that are strained due to lack of funds, lack of appreciation, a feeling that life isnt fair...parents are "stuck" and want a fresh start. So... alot of yelling, discomfort, ...maybe, you guys can talk about how your lives will change so much, when you leave soon. And acknowledge openly, you ALL will be changing soon....
I'm currently receiving councilling not for the emotional abuse but for other stuff as well and its quite unfair for my mother to say that in not doing anything with my life bearing in mind that she knows my situation I'm in regarding my social anxiety disorder.
Someone posted that my concerns are mild which I'm sure they are but I know the only thing that matters is how the "cconcerns" are effecting the person and its effecting me badly.
I think abuse does sound a bit to harsh BUT that's what it is abuse doesn't have to be physical...
@ Louise thanks for posting that quote I'm not religious but it makes a lot of sense. And about me being strong minded and not a conformist I just need to have the strength to stay strong.
Hi I am not religious either. I don't study scripture, I just scan it once in a while.
If you will ask God within yourself to help you to not resent your mother, when you overcome that, you will have the strength because it will not come from you, but from overcoming the pain that resentment causes. There is a wonderful disc to help you overcome stress that will calm your emotions.
You can get it at amazon, just ask for the stress disc by Roy Masters. He is a different kind of pastor.
It has helped thousands of people who suffer stress caused by strong emotions. Not religious.
Louise
I'm 17 years old and to say it bluntly I'm beginning to hate my Mum's guts because as it says in the thread title she's emotionally abusing me. I don't really know if its intentionally or not but I've told her how moaning at me all the time if effecting me to the point of feeling suicidal.
This situation has been going on for years but its only recently I've really started to look into the "emotional abuse"
...
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Dear OP
Thank you for your openness and sharing your very real and lived experience. You willingness to be this vulnerable on what I assume to be a mostly adult forum is brave. Anytime someone expresses a feeling of hurt or pain or even mere dissatisfaction it is real, albeit relative, and worthy of acknowledgement.
It's good that you are creating a life plan that will allow you to detoxify your environment and limit your contact. Maybe in your absence mum will miss you and you will be able to establish terms for your future adult friendship that will honor you both. Or maybe she won't change at all and you will find a way to ignore or buffer yourself from the commentary that hurts you.
Self preservation and establishing self worth will become your greatest gift to self. You will have to become your number one fan and advocate and be aware of the fact that there are other broken folks out there who will do you harm IF YOU ALLOW THEM TO!
OP: Read up on narcissistic mothers. See if it fits.
Narcissistic mothers often focus on their own needs and wants, favor one child, and go off the deep end when challenged. No matter what you do, it is never good enough.
This doesn't sound like emotional abuse, it sounds like you are a teenager. You also though sound like you are having problems with depression. Would you be able to see a therapist? I think it would be a good idea to not only have someone impartial to talk to, but also be evaluated and see if you should possibly be on an antidepressant.
This doesn't sound like emotional abuse, it sounds like you are a teenager. You also though sound like you are having problems with depression. Would you be able to see a therapist? I think it would be a good idea to not only have someone impartial to talk to, but also be evaluated and see if you should possibly be on an antidepressant.
I agree with your first sentence completely. As far as the "depression" is concerned, a chat with a professional might be in order if the situation merits it but aren't all teenagers "depressed" a lot of the time? Growing up is hard to do. I am NOT a proponent of antidepressants as a panacea for general life lows and particularly not for children or teenagers - and the use of them is far less common in the UK than in the US where the whole "take a pill and be happy" routine is way out of whack!
You are almost out of her house so stick it out and put up with her nagging and whining.
As for your brother being her favorite, it is common for parents to have one "golden child". As crappy as it makes you feel, there's nothing you can do about it. One good thing about it for you, she'll be demanding his time and attention far more than you once you're both out of the house.
Also, some day you might have kids. Learn from her mistakes how NOT to be a parent. Make a promise to yourself right now, that you won't be like her. That's what I did. I analized my feelings and sorted out my thoughts about the way my mother treated me and made sure I wasn't doing the same with my own boys. When I am gone, I want to be remembered as a good and kind mother, not a b*tch.
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