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It could be a variety of reasons. Some people only like to get children gifts and an 18 year old is harder to buy for but is also viewed by many as an adult. It's viewed as an age that's very hard to buy for --- 18 year olds can be very picky about clothes they'll wear, video games they'll play. They're too big for toys.
Another reason -- has the older one failed to thank her or show appreciation for gifts? We were just having a conversation about that at work. One person was talking about gifts she gets for nieces, nephews and step nieces and nephews. She spends a lot of money buying gifts but some never say a word, they don't say they liked the gifts, they never even send as much as a text message to thank her. She's decided they must not really like what she sends them so isn't going to send them anything more.
I'm confused. Is this your ex-wife's mother or the biological grandmother (MIL from the previous relationship?)
Perhaps just tell your former MIL that daughter would love to see her as well when she is in town. Perhaps you will find out the reason that MIL is ignoring her. Maybe her daughter told her not to have any contact with the daughter because of the Facebook lie. Or maybe it is one of the reasons listed above. You won't know unless you ask.
I'm confused. Is this your ex-wife's mother or the biological grandmother (MIL from the previous relationship?)
Perhaps just tell your former MIL that daughter would love to see her as well when she is in town. Perhaps you will find out the reason that MIL is ignoring her. Maybe her daughter told her not to have any contact with the daughter because of the Facebook lie. Or maybe it is one of the reasons listed above. You won't know unless you ask.
This is my ex wife's mother, not birth grandmother.
I guess that is my issue. I agree, I won't know know unless I ask, and in my head, that is really what I want to do. However, there seems to be a certain sensibility in letting sleeping dogs lie, and maybe the more prudent thing to do is just have the conversation with my daughter and explain to her that maybe MIL's heart isn't big enough to include her. Just feels like an exceptionally petty reason to dismiss someone. Some times kids do dumb things and lie for even dumber reasons. Seems like a harsh punishment for one stupid mistake.
Does your 12 year old want to go spend time with the ex M-I-L? Where is the other biological grandmothers and even the mother of the 12 and 18 year old daughters? Have you talked to the 18 year old at all to see how she feels about the situation? These things shall pass, if the marriage is over, as time goes by the 12 year old will probably be dropped from the ex M-I-L's band wagon.
If your 18 year old has a problem with the situation I would talked to the ex M-I-L or just plan some other event with your daughters to avoid your 12 year old having to spend time with ex M-I-L.
Mother of 12 yr old son and 18 yr old daughter passed away in 04. I got remarried in late 07 to woman who had a son, very close to my sons age. The two boys became very close! Two months ago wife left and moved 20 minutes away. I care her son just like my own and vise versa. ex MIL will likely maintain relationship with my son only because the two boys are so close. As far as my son maintaining a relationship w ex's family, I think he appreciates keeping the connection. Certainly at this time more so then others, with the potential of gifts to be received, he's 12.
I haven't talked about to my daughter about yet. I only observed her this morning when the gifts came for my son, and I can tell they affected her in a negative way, (she suddenly became a little snarky to my son), but I didn't have the opportunity to actually talk to her about it. She is at work right now and I'll have a conversation with her this evening when she gets home.
Kudos to your daughter if she can shrug this off. I don't think I would be as charitable in view of such an obvious slight.
I think it's terrific that your son is able to maintain a relationship with his step-brother, but it's a shame that the grandmother is making the choice she has.
Talk to your ex mother-in-law. What she is doing is wrong no matter the reason. When you married your ex, your oldest daughter was 8, so this woman is her grandmother in her eyes. You don't pick a grandchild over another, anymore than you pick a child over another.
I didn't want to muddy up the issue with a bunch of added details, but my wife shut my daughter out of her life last year, because she lied to her about having a facebook account. The wife and I had an over abundance of petty issues to mask what some of the real issues in our relationship were. This could be why the mother in law has jumped on the band wagon. Confronting my wife on this issue, I don't feel would get me the kind of support I would need to resolve it.
I am open to discussing this directly with the mother in law, OR talking to my daughter about how this isn't something she should take personal.
Sadly, you cannot change your ex or her mother, so don't waste your energy trying.
If they want to be unloving ignoramuses you can't save them from themselves
Focus on your daughter instead.
Your reaction to these hurtful actions can and will set a tone that help her to deal with this best.
So...state the obvious first:
Debra and Grammy's behavior is hurtful and rude.
You have a right to feel hurt that people you thought loved you are now not interested in you.
I am hurt for you and wish this were not happening.
However, it is clearly their problem, not yours, and so you should do nothing to try to own it.
Neither of us will waste our time down on their level.
They have chosen to behave one way, we will choose to behave another. We will take the high road, and move on because in life you cannot control what other people will do. You can only control your own actions and reactions.
I suggest our best reaction is to let it go, pity them their ignorance, and move on.
You are an awesome kid and not having you in their lives is truly their loss
I think its a bad message to send to your youngest that its okay for her to be treated specially but not her older sister.
I would tell all parties involved, that either the whole family is included, or nobody is. If she sends gifts for the one child and not the other, Id send them back.
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