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I see lots of social losers at various holiday celebrations but no one will talk to them. They are around people but totally isolated. It's like being a nerd sitting in a frat party.
Bar owners will always tell you that the biggest time for lonely strangers to come in a bar is this time of year. I guess they feel they should try to have fun but only sit there looking more and more lonely.
Changes happen. That's sad, but we only get stuck and depressed if we allow ourselves to get into a rut where we will only be happy if things are one way and refuse to find reasonable compromises. For example:
- Some people I know who are going to be alone at Christmas (and it's going to bother them) take trips out of the country, often to somewhere warm where there are lots of activities.
- Others either volunteer with Meals on Wheels to take Christmas dinners to shut ins or work at church programs serving a Christmas dinner to the homeless.
- Until recently, I generally had to work on holidays. The overtime was nice and the work kept me away from family dramas that got worse with each passing year.
Yes, some people who celebrate Christmas either had or now have dysfunctional families. It's really sad, but with some planning and mental rewiring, this sad situation can be made more positive. You can't change family members, but you can put yourself in more positive situations.
Bar owners will always tell you that the biggest time for lonely strangers to come in a bar is this time of year. I guess they feel they should try to have fun but only sit there looking more and more lonely.
I've tended bar on Christmas night and it's usually really fun. Some people come alone--I've primarily worked in NYC and Boston, two very transient cities--and many people come in groups, either as part of their holiday celebrations or to escape family/in-law time. Obviously location and type of place matters, but it's usually a festive, fun atmosphere and frankly, a lucrative night for people working. The image of a bunch of lonely old men staring at their pint just isn't my reality.
Before getting married, I spent a number of Christmases alone, by choice. My parents and siblings always end up fighting and yelling so I hated spending the day with them. Alone, I never felt lonely or isolated, I felt happy and peaceful and could go to church and focus on the real meaning of Christmas. Sometimes I did invite people over for dinner. That was fun too.
My extended family has ostracized me and my wife for not bailing out my sister who has not worked for years. They will not help her because they are all broke, but expect me to help her because we have money.
Just like on Thanksgiving we will be spending time with my wife's family where there will be little conversation and nearly everyone will spend their time looking at their SmartPhone.
I'd venture to hazard a wild guess that your being ostracized has far less to do with your not financially helping out your sister than with your judgmental and highly critical persona which runs very clear in every thread you start.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eureka1
Go volunteer somewhere and get out of yourself.
Good thought. Rather than spend a desultory and meaningless Christmas dinner with relatives you despise, go to a homeless shelter (even home-cook a couple of turkeys with trimmings to contribute). Your relatives will understand your desire to bring the holiday spirit to the needy and may even enjoy their dinner without you.
We will be off Christmas Eve for the first time in over ten years. I was planning a romantic champagne filled candle lit night with just the two of us between the sheets,.....but.....I have a friend that has no one in her life and no place to go for the holidays. She was with us on Thanksgiving and she will be with us on Christmas Eve. I will be working Christmas day. John is retired so he will be spending Christmas day alone because he won't go to our friends house without me.
I've tended bar on Christmas night and it's usually really fun. Some people come alone--I've primarily worked in NYC and Boston, two very transient cities--and many people come in groups, either as part of their holiday celebrations or to escape family/in-law time. Obviously location and type of place matters, but it's usually a festive, fun atmosphere and frankly, a lucrative night for people working. The image of a bunch of lonely old men staring at their pint just isn't my reality.
Perhaps your reality is a trendier, younger, more upscale environment and not the local gin mill. My friends owned local taverns and the holiday mornings and evenings were often busy. But there always was the lonely guys, who never really came into bars, showing up to make themselves feel they arent alone...but they really were.
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