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extricate yourself from that situation, there is very little or no hope for change. but don't leave him guesing what happened to the friendship either, let him know up front your feeling and why you came to your decision. I know its a bummed feeling right now but keep your head up and move on. you will be fine and best of luck.
Back the F up. Did you just say I'm the one over reacting? Get the hell outta here. Of course no one is perfect and everyone has flaws. If he's willing to hate people for their skin color now then what's to stop him from doing the same thing to me when we have an argument sometime down the road?
I think you came here expecting everyone to agree with you. I gave you another viewpoint. You don't have to agree with it. Your response to me was rude and immature.
I suspect if you cut out everyone who has some sort of stereotypical or racist belief, you won't have a single friend. I don't think I've ever met a single person who didn't have have sort of bias or prejudice against someone else or a group of other people or even people in their own group. Some people are better at hiding it. It's there. You don't have to worry about what they will say to your face. It's what they will do behind your back. There are other people like your friend who are more open about their bias. Your friend may be racist in some ways, but he has tried to overcome it. You can cut him out if you want. That's your choice. Cutting him out won't change his opinion. I think you will lose someone who really does try to be your friend.
Sometimes people think they are more important than they think they are. When people make stupid comments just say who cares and move on. Life is short and everyone dies and the body turns to dust. So feel proud this almighty person gives you an exception. I look at it this way. Everyone is a child of God so how can anyone say children of God are no good?
Tell him what exactly bothered you and why. Everyone has a different tolerance level concerning differing opinions and viewpoints when it comes to friends and significant others. This one is personal, for obvious reasons. At the end, it comes down to whether you can 'get over it' (not saying you should) or not.
Location: Prince Georges County, MD (formerly Long Island, NY)
1,558 posts, read 2,726,087 times
Reputation: 1652
Black guy here-- OP, I truly feel for you.
This happened so many times to me growing up. I had a really diverse upbringing, and had many great friends. However, about a dozen times, I dealt with people making comments about me being an exception and then having the audacity to trash black people. How can you possibly say you love me as friend, but then make a generalization that applies to 50% of my friends, and my whole entire family?! Hindsight being 20/20, I realized that some of them tried to keep me around to be their token black friend and make them feel secure that they can't possibly be prejudiced.
Some of them I've cut off, because it was getting ridiculous. I once told somebody that what they said was inappropriate, and they made some kind of comment that I'm too good to be vouching for "those people."
I do have a couple of friends that I keep around who have questionable views on race relations, because I don't think it's really vile racism. Sometimes, when you don't have any black friends, you only go off stereotypes (often propagated by black people on BET, VH1, MTV, etc. who do the entire black community a massive disservice for a paycheck). To make a long story short, they've come around slowly but surely. While they initially thought I was some outlier exception, as they met my black friends, it challenged them to rethink their views. I can't say that their views have completely changed, nor can I say that I haven't distanced myself away from them to an extent, but I didn't cut them off.
I think it really depends on if it's vile racism, or just ignorance of black people.
But, yeah, it's really disheartening to find out that your whole friendship was based on you being an exception to an archetype. I don't think people realize how hurtful it really is-- you have to experience it.
Many people hold that view on interracial relationships, but most don't share that view out loud like your friend did. I think expressing that opinion was ignorant on your friend's part; maybe he's gotten "too comfortable" with your friendship that he feels like he could say what he really thought. I think you're overreacting too--why would he stay your friend for three years if he truly "hates" the products of interracial unions? Since he's been your friend for so long, you should try to talk to him, try to enlighten him. No one is hopeless--sometimes people change their minds when they get new information and experiences.
Location: Prince Georges County, MD (formerly Long Island, NY)
1,558 posts, read 2,726,087 times
Reputation: 1652
Quote:
Originally Posted by 30to66at55
He's not a racist. He told you straight out that he deals with you because you are not "typical".
He just wants to associate with people of his own race. Nothing wrong with that at all.
I'm already familiar with your posts, so I'm going to ignore the first sentence. If he only wanted to associate with people of his own race, why did he become friends with the OP?
I've been very good friends with a guy I've known for about three years. We're bros. I just got off the phone with him and he explained that he doesn't agree with interracial dating/marriage. I was not expecting anything like that to come from him. He's white and I am black Puerto Rican. I asked him to explain further and he said mixing cultures is not a good thing. I wanted to punch him in the face through the phone.
Then I asked him how he can like me as a friend if I'm technically mixed. He said because I don't act like a "typical negro". I had to hang up the phone at that point. I am completely in disbelief that he could say that to me.
Thing is, I'm close to his whole family. I just never knew they were racist. How do I tell him to politely shove it up his ass?
Most Black families, Chinese Families, Indian Families heck even some Italian families and Greek families want their kids to marry same race or religion. And plenty of kids only date in their own race.
Heck Antonio Cromertie on the Jets only dated black women and married a black women and all his kids are black. OMG he is a racist
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