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I just do not understand all of this "I HAVE to do this or that".
You do not HAVE to do anything you do not want to do.
I don't care if it is family or holidays you are dealing with, if you are not enjoying yourself because you don't want to be there what makes you think anyone else is enjoying you being there?
Save everyone a lot of stress and grief and just don't go.
As far as gifts go, let everyone else get gifts if they want if it is not in your budget you do not HAVE to get anything.
You could choose to make a small donation in everyone's name to a good charity, that way you have a "gift" for them, it has gone to a worthwhile cause and you have stayed within your own budget.
Most of the stress of the holidays in my opinion is self induced because others are allowed to make you feel guilty or feel like you have to do something and you don't.
I decided about 30 years ago that I was going to quit doing what others expected me to do "because it is tradition" or a "holiday". I have had many years of stress free holidays since that moment and it has been great.
I am not understanding all of the "I have to" spend it with this person or that comments, either. Not at all. Why do they "have to" spend the holiday with anyone? Or purchase gifts for anyone?
They don't have to do anything! If the gift giving is not something that you enjoy, then call or e-mail the people that you exchange gifts with now (before Thanksgiving) and tell them that you are opting out and you want to "call it even." That's it. So easy!
Don't want to have dinner with family? Tell 'em! How? Just say "I never really enjoyed gathering together on Christmas and this year I've decided to do what I want."
i agree with this,,, like the old saying, if you are bored, then you are boringggg
This mindless bromide is just not always accurate. Try to imagine a group of people whose only topics of conversation are the weather, their health, and their grandchildren. In addition, try to imagine that these people cannot be induced into conversing on any other topic because their world simply does not extend beyond those boundaries. In their company, I would be bored stiff, but that does NOT make me boring, as boring would be pretty much the last adjective that can be applied to me.
Or various other scenarios can be imagined. You are in the company of a few narcissists who always re-direct the conversation to themselves, and are compulsive about running other people down - their coworkers, their neighbors, any family members not present, etc. Their own grievances against others, whether real or imagined, fill up the discourse and they cannot be sidetracked. Well, how about it? Are you claiming you wouldn't be bored?
LoL, you make it sound like the holidays are just about showing up for a cocktail party with a cheerful smile. For some of us it is not that simple.
You are both correct, just talking about different aspects. The overwhelming entirety that some of us face and with regards specific to the OP....a relatively brief gathering that all they have to do is show up to.
Nope we are not cause we never do christmas nor do we buy special food just another day to us . My husbands family lives here but they always are too good to issue an invitation to us for dinner . Too much trouble I guess . She will always make some excuse such as Im so tired or we really dont have anything ( the ones that complain the most , have the most ). So I dont care same as always every year treat it as just another day and end of story .
I'm going to take the load off this year and buy one of those "dinner packs" from our local organic grocer. My traditional Christmas dinner is "you never know what you're going to get", I'm always doing something weird and wacky with the menu (turducken anyone?) so nobody will be shocked or surprised by this turn of events
We've often talked of going out to dinner but my dad can't walk well these days so being in my house will be more comfortable for him. When it's just me and the kids we will probably go out and do a nice breakfast/brunch on Christmas morning instead of a big dinner. That's more in keeping with how we eat anyway.
This is a great idea. I just checked a store ad - $49 for turkey and a couple of sides. Sounds like the ticket to me.
Seriously? We are holiday central here. And I do more than my fair share of the cooking, cleaning, and decorating. I might grouse a little, but my wife loves it. So I do it with a cheerful attitude. Because if it's important to her, it's important to me.
Um, no, I was not referring to cooking, cleaning and decorating. More like...........alcoholism, mental illness and Alzheimer's.
I'm sure for others there are other unwelcome guests such as poor health, poverty, drug addiction, abuse.....
For the last ten or so years (since my last parent died and my children were older teens) my family had Christmas at my brother's house with his family. My extended family doesn't really exchange presents, sometimes if we find something extra nice or extra special we may give them something, however we do buy/bring presents for the children.
The first few years it was great but a few years ago my brother's family changed their family gift exchange from Christmas morning to Christmas after lunch. So, it usually is my brother and wife, their three adult children & spouses and now three grandchildren, my other brother & his wife and sometimes their two young adult children, my SIL's brother & wife and my husband and me and sometimes our two young adult children.
It is really strange now that my brother's immediate family do their family gift exchange after Christmas dinner/lunch, while there are many extended family members present. My SIL gives approximately three or four large gifts each to her husband and adult children. Each adult child gives one or two gifts to each parent and their siblings/spouses and each of the three grand children get 3 or 4 outfits each and 4 to 6 toys and games each. But, not one gift for the visiting aunts, uncles or visiting teen/young adult cousins (age 16 to 25) and visiting great aunt and great uncle. Each of us bring "hostess gifts" because of being invited to the dinner and gifts for all of the young children.
I don't want to sound like a "greedy Gus" but when I watch over two hours of gift opening (dozens and dozens of gifts) and not even one tiny little package is for me or for my husband or for our children, or any of the other six dinner guests it is very strange. The last two years we tried leave before the gift opening but since we had brought gifts for the grandchildren and the young adult nieces and nephews that seemed strange, too.
I'm not sure what we are going to do this year. We may arrive extra early before Christmas dinner so that we can socialize more then and leave before the immediate family starts their gift giving and just leave whatever presents that we brought to give to others.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-15-2013 at 07:01 PM..
Well, not to worry, everyone around the table will die one of these days and you won't have to endure it. For myself, I'd give anything to have my brother back and my parents and grandparents no matter how boring the day might be. Fact is, they were never boring. Always plenty of laughs and sometimes arguments.
LOVE Christmas dinner.
It is the only day my scattered family assembles in total... no exceptions!
Good food, good wine and tons of laughing!
Me, too! Nothing better than being surrounded by people you love and who love you and being thankful for having each other, chairs to sit on, a roof over your head, and delicious food on your plate. That's a hell of a lot more than many others.
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