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My in-laws didn't approve of my relationship with my husband from the start. #1 reason was because of my having kids prior to marrying my husband, he didn't have kids. My husband's family believed that he should marry someone who did not have kids already. We fell in love at first sight and the relationship progressed fairly quickly. We married fifteen months after we met and had our first child together. We have been very happy together, outside of the constant tug of war between me and the in-laws. His family is very manipulative and tend to play on the fact that he's very family oriented. We have been together for eleven years, but I'm kind of getting tired of the constant manipulation his family uses on him to get their way. I have tried to dissolve our conflicts, however I recently found out that his sister talks to his ex-girlfriend on the phone daily. This ex-girlfriend use to be the one his family hated the most, now all of a sudden their the best of friends. I invited his family over for Christmas dinner last year, however I found out that some of the private discussions we had that day, were discussed at a later date with the ex-girlfriend. I really don't want to alienate my husband from his family, but I just don't know how I could ever trust them again. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
P.S. I would like to hear mostly from people who are in this situation, have dealt with something similar or has stories about this topic. However any good advice would be welcomed.
Get a divorce and start all over again... just kidding.
I'm no Dr. Phil but I'll have to do until the wiser folks show up, but my thought is that you shouldn't be concerned about alienating your husband from his family because they seem to be alienating him from you so someone is going to have to make a decision about who they want more in there lives you or his family. It seems to me that it is up to your husband to put it to his family that something has to change and the change isn't going to be you.
PS - I've got nutso in-laws and I just ignore them except my mother-in-law because we're on the same side.
I agree that is it up to the husband to put his foot down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhenomenalWoman
I invited his family over for Christmas dinner last year, however I found out that some of the private discussions we had that day, were discussed at a later date with the ex-girlfriend.
And OP, if you don't want your business relayed to anyone, don't put it out there in the first place. A private matter is no longer private when you make it public!
Get a divorce and start all over again... just kidding.
I'm no Dr. Phil but I'll have to do until the wiser folks show up, but my thought is that you shouldn't be concerned about alienating your husband from his family because they seem to be alienating him from you so someone is going to have to make a decision about who they want more in there lives you or his family. It seems to me that it is up to your husband to put it to his family that something has to change and the change isn't going to be you.
PS - I've got nutso in-laws and I just ignore them except my mother-in-law because we're on the same side.
He tried to make it clear that "he will not let me go", but they just seem to never stop trying to drive us apart. I really don't want it to be the reason he decide to distance himself. I just really wish we could all work through this.
I agree that is it up to the husband to put his foot down.
And OP, if you don't want your business relayed to anyone, don't put it out there in the first place. A private matter is no longer private when you make it public!
I had to learn the hard way "IT TAKES A FOOL TO LEARN". I thought the whole family hated her from their impression.
P.S. I would like to hear mostly from people who are in this situation, have dealt with something similar or has stories about this topic. However any good advice would be welcomed.
Check your Direct Message box. I've PM'd a link to a site that supports folks with in-law problems
How does your husband react to these conflicts?
Does he take sides? Whose?
Moving farther away from toxic family will help, if moving is an option (helped a lot in my case).
About ex-girlfriend - this is easy - the enemy of my enemy is my friend
These situations make him very uncomfortable, as he prefer to avoid conflict at all cost. He agree/understand what they're doing, he tell me to just ignore them. My problem is the holidays are near and I'm skeptical about inviting them into my home again this year.
I don't know what to tell you other than to leave. I was in the same situation. I had an ex whose family did not approve of me, except I was wise enough to know that I did not want the rest of my life competing with them. Plus I figured out that this kind of thing only happens if you are with a mama's boy who takes his family side instead of yours. These people are not the problem your husband is.
Keep family at a distance, don't share too much personal information when you do see them, and always be cordial so they have nothing bad to say behind your back.
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My in-laws didn't approve of my relationship with my husband from the start. #1 reason was because of my having kids prior to marrying my husband, he didn't have kids. My husband's family believed that he should marry someone who did not have kids already. We fell in love at first sight and the relationship progressed fairly quickly. We married fifteen months after we met and had our first child together. We have been very happy together, outside of the constant tug of war between me and the in-laws. His family is very manipulative and tend to play on the fact that he's very family oriented. We have been together for eleven years, but I'm kind of getting tired of the constant manipulation his family uses on him to get their way. I have tried to dissolve our conflicts, however I recently found out that his sister talks to his ex-girlfriend on the phone daily. This ex-girlfriend use to be the one his family hated the most, now all of a sudden their the best of friends. I invited his family over for Christmas dinner last year, however I found out that some of the private discussions we had that day, were discussed at a later date with the ex-girlfriend. I really don't want to alienate my husband from his family, but I just don't know how I could ever trust them again. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
