Is this tacky, or is this unbelievably tacky? (wife, girlfriend, boyfriend)
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As a hospice volunteer, I started home visits with an old lady in April 2012.
But she refused to die within six months so was dropped by hospice. However, I really bonded with her and she with me, and I got friendly with the family (her two daughters, grandkids, some friends) so I kept visiting her until she passed away about six weeks ago.
Two weeks ago her caregiver daughter, late 50s, had a massive stroke. She is still in ICU and her future is uncertain. It's really sad, this family has been through so much recently (there is more but it's not relevant.)
Two days ago the daughter's (the one who had the stroke and is in ICU) boyfriend of about two years texted me to ask me out on a date. I know what flirting looks like and trust me, he has never flirted with me (nor vice versa, of course, besides being "off limits" he is not someone I would find remotely attractive.) In fact I had to ask him twice, was he sure he was texting the right person and didn't have me confused with someone else? Seriously I have met him at most a dozen times over the last year and have never spoken to him without girlfriend/family around, and then just casual chit-chat.
This is just so wrong on so many levels! Your girlfriend just lost her mom who she was taking care of, then had a massive stroke and is looking at brain surgery/no viable recovery, so you promptly hit on a friend of hers? This person is not, at first glance, a low-life. He is a 60-something professional with means (he owns a lot of property and at one point long ago I gave him my business card on request because I am in the home improvement business; that is how he got my number). I mean, I now think he IS a low-life , but he's not some trailer-dweller in a wife-beater tee shirt or whatever the common stereotype would be.
I'm not asking for advice, just venting. I think this is utterly crass and awful. Obviously I am not mentioning this to anyone else in the family or who knows the family. Obviously I shot him down quite emphatically. I actually find this insulting that he would think I'm the sort of person who would be open to this idea.
Would it have made a difference if the mom didn't die and the girlfriend wasn't unhealthy? Suppose their relationship wasn't working out AND you found him both physically personally attractive? This happens all the time. Maybe his relationship was bad or on the verge of ending. If that was the case, then what he was doing was practically normal.
imcurious and seain - besides my hospice lady, I actually got closest to her other daughter. And I am invited to granddaughter's wedding later this month - but yeah, in short, I am still keeping in contact and want to, they are good people. The boyfriend....not so much, apparently.
Charles, that is too many "if's"!
But regardless, even if I found the boyfriend attractive, I really would not have acted on it. Knowing that to do so would destroy the connection I have made with the other family members. So it would be a balancing act....now if the boyfriend and I had some sort of "spark", then maybe I would weigh options. Because it is what it is.
But I never regarded him as anything other than "daughter's boyfriend" and I absolutely don't find him physically and personally attractive. He just seemed like a "nice enough" guy and daughter's boyfriend so that was that. Which is why his asking me out really took me aback.
To put it more plainly: If he was a random person I had gotten to know, and asked me out, I still would have said no thanks.
Can I ask you a question? Did he specifically ask you out on a date (meaning, did he use those exact words)? Or did he say something like, "Would you like to get together for dinner"? I'm wondering if, possibly, he wanted to talk to you about further visits and care for his girlfriend's family? Or possibly a business venture?
As a hospice volunteer, I started home visits with an old lady in April 2012.
But she refused to die within six months so was dropped by hospice. However, I really bonded with her and she with me, and I got friendly with the family (her two daughters, grandkids, some friends) so I kept visiting her until she passed away about six weeks ago.
Two weeks ago her caregiver daughter, late 50s, had a massive stroke. She is still in ICU and her future is uncertain. It's really sad, this family has been through so much recently (there is more but it's not relevant.)
Two days ago the daughter's (the one who had the stroke and is in ICU) boyfriend of about two years texted me to ask me out on a date. I know what flirting looks like and trust me, he has never flirted with me (nor vice versa, of course, besides being "off limits" he is not someone I would find remotely attractive.) In fact I had to ask him twice, was he sure he was texting the right person and didn't have me confused with someone else? Seriously I have met him at most a dozen times over the last year and have never spoken to him without girlfriend/family around, and then just casual chit-chat.
This is just so wrong on so many levels! Your girlfriend just lost her mom who she was taking care of, then had a massive stroke and is looking at brain surgery/no viable recovery, so you promptly hit on a friend of hers? This person is not, at first glance, a low-life. He is a 60-something professional with means (he owns a lot of property and at one point long ago I gave him my business card on request because I am in the home improvement business; that is how he got my number). I mean, I now think he IS a low-life , but he's not some trailer-dweller in a wife-beater tee shirt or whatever the common stereotype would be.
I'm not asking for advice, just venting. I think this is utterly crass and awful. Obviously I am not mentioning this to anyone else in the family or who knows the family. Obviously I shot him down quite emphatically. I actually find this insulting that he would think I'm the sort of person who would be open to this idea.
But, just....seriously?
Low-lives are defined by their character, And the selfish and poor decisions they make for either THEIR benefit or out just wanting to cause trouble. They may wear an expensive suit and can be a wolf in sheeps clothing. Dwelling in a trailer and wearing a tank top is just a mode of living and they may be the best people. Appearances can be deceiving for this alone-A low life can take advantage of people easier due to this stereotype and create a look and persona of a "Good ol' boy/gal" to gain trust.
That said, You did nothing to provoke it. He's has no class and is taking advantage of his girlfriends condition to get with other women. I am sure he is doing this to others. Loyalty and character can also be strongly defined by how a person is to people in their lives when they have trouble and are not well. It's easy to put on airs when everything is good, All is well and everyone has a drink in their hand and a steak on the table. What a loser he is.
if the boyfriend and I had some sort of "spark", then maybe I would weigh options.
See, you are open minded. Nothing is absolute.
Tackiness may last a month, but LOVE could last forever!
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I know what flirting looks like and trust me, he has never flirted with me (nor vice versa, of course, besides being "off limits" he is not someone I would find remotely attractive.) In fact I had to ask him twice, was he sure he was texting the right person and didn't have me confused with someone else? Seriously I have met him at most a dozen times over the last year and have never spoken to him without girlfriend/family around, and then just casual chit-chat.
This person is not, at first glance, a low-life. He is a 60-something professional with means (he owns a lot of property and at one point long ago I gave him my business card on request because I am in the home improvement business; that is how he got my number). I mean, I now think he IS a low-life , but he's not some trailer-dweller in a wife-beater tee shirt or whatever the common stereotype would be.