Picking up and starting over (wife, girlfriend, websites, friendship)

[jobaba]

I'm considering a semi-career change and I thought I might pick up and move to a new city.

I currently live in the NYC metro area and have for many years. No wife, girlfriend, kids. Job is something that I can do anywhere though it might take some doing to find it elsewhere.

I have a few good solid friends here, and my family is here. They are very supportive and we get along. However, the rest of my social network is weak and crumbling. I've spent years making friends here, and by and large I feel most of them have been unreliable, have let our relationship disintegrate (no falling out or anything), or don't seem to care one way or the other.

So, I feel it wouldn't make too much of a difference to pick up and move somewhere else many miles away where I know nobody. The only thing is I fear I won't meet anybody. I am social and friendly, and a nice guy, and have many popular interests (beer, sports, music, arts, outdoors), but I lack what you could call charisma. I'm the guy everybody likes, but nobody is drawn to me.

And I'm in my mid 30s. Any opinions? Would it be too hard to meet people and establish a social network at my age?

[luckygirl15]

I think you can start over anytime. You're young, no baggage, now is a good time.

Search out the areas you want to live in, see what the data is for singles, salaries, all the stuff.

Look at Yelp, or search out other forum for whatever place interests you.

I've seen people start over who were much older than you. Good luck.

[lurtsman]

Denver, Atlanta, Miami, etc. There are some great markets out there with plenty of people to meet.

[kayanne]

Originally Posted by jobaba

However, the rest of my social network is weak and crumbling. I've spent years making friends here, and by and large I feel most of them have been unreliable, have let our relationship disintegrate (no falling out or anything), or don't seem to care one way or the other.

Sadly, this is why people need to do what's best for THEM. If YOU will be happier in an area other than NYC, go for it! I actually feel excited for you, being at a point in life where you can just pick up and start over! There are SO many fabulous places to live---near the mountains, near an ocean, on a lake, in a mid-sized town, whatever place has the things that appeal to you and where you can continue in your career. The internet makes it so easy to meet people--- meetup.com is great, as well websites for finding local live music, book clubs, classes, amateur sports teams---whatever your interests are.

Good luck! And keep us posted!

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by jobaba

I'm considering a semi-career change and I thought I might pick up and move to a new city.

I currently live in the NYC metro area and have for many years. No wife, girlfriend, kids. Job is something that I can do anywhere though it might take some doing to find it elsewhere.

I have a few good solid friends here, and my family is here. They are very supportive and we get along. However, the rest of my social network is weak and crumbling. I've spent years making friends here, and by and large I feel most of them have been unreliable, have let our relationship disintegrate (no falling out or anything), or don't seem to care one way or the other.

So, I feel it wouldn't make too much of a difference to pick up and move somewhere else many miles away where I know nobody. The only thing is I fear I won't meet anybody. I am social and friendly, and a nice guy, and have many popular interests (beer, sports, music, arts, outdoors), but I lack what you could call charisma. I'm the guy everybody likes, but nobody is drawn to me.

And I'm in my mid 30s. Any opinions? Would it be too hard to meet people and establish a social network at my age?

You will make friends. If you live in the NY metro area, my guess is that you are in the suburbs, and the 'burbs were not built for the single. I am originally from Long Island and I have single friends who still live there and refuse to move, although their lives are clearly going no where.

I am married, and no longer live in the region and I have attempted to encourage them to move someplace - anyplace - and they say that they will look into it, but never do.

The "NY Metro area" is great for families. Good schools, child and family centered, and oriented towards family. I think it's got to be one of the worst places to live if you are single.

I'd say move! Give it a go! Who knows you could meet the love of your life!

The NY Metro area isn't going anywhere. You can always move back.

But right now, you are in a holding pattern - just treading water, and clearly you are not happy.

You deserve more out of life! Give it a try! And if you don't like the first place, try another.
Hey, you never know until you try!

[sheena12]

My niece, unmarried mid twenties was feeling much the same. She moved to Boynton Beach FL and LOVES it! She has a great apartment in a complex filled with singles in their 20s and 30s. They have activities, parties, cocktails after work, a state of the art gym - she made friends so quickly!

Many transplants from the North East and Mid West. Her complex is singles friendly - not family friendly. It's called Las Ventanas. You should check it out. Instant friendships!