Why can't I have guy friends?

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by malamute

Actually I thought so -- and for those who think movies and television shows prove something, Seinfeld showed that former lovers can become just friends.

Not all women can be pals of men, not all men can be pals of women, and there is the other extreme -- those who find it quite easy to have pals of the opposite sex but not lovers.

I think it depends on age, though, too. My impression is that the OP is young, and the guys are young...if she is pretty and they don't have girlfriends, most likely an invitation by her to hang out, or accepting an invitation by them to hang out, they are going to hope she likes them in a romantic sense. This is especially true if they are more passive type guys, and she is initiating talking to them or asking to hang out.

If you go over to the relationships forum, you'll see many posts from lovelorn guys hanging onto a friendship with a girl that they keep hoping will result in her falling in love with them. Many of them are guys who are afraid to approach girls for dates and try the passive "back door" approach of friendship hoping she'll magically see how awesome of a bf he'd be.

[Chowhound]

I think the men/women friendship thing is harder if one is "hot"... I know a lot of guys can't see past her being a hot chick.

Probably same goes the other way, but not as much I'd imagine... IDK..... just my 3 cents........

[Darthfrodo]

Originally Posted by Royalite

I feel like this thread appealed to my vanity and I'm ashamed to admit that. lol

I don't consider myself "hot" by a long shot as the girls I consider "hot" are the ones who actively dress in ways that appeal to the opposite sex or who wear make up and heels and who flirt, etc. Many times, they have tons of guy friends.

I can be quite the wall flower, very plain, very simple in style and so it amazes me when I discover I can't have guy friends because in my head, the girls they usually go after dress in a way that I most definitely do not nor try to.

*Sigh*...I don't know. Maybe you guys are right and maybe I'm more attractive than I think of myself.

I feel vain saying that though so...I'll just stop.

I have many lady friends. Some married, some single, some are dating. We get along great. Occasionally a little flirting goes on, but nothing that is taken too seriously. There are however 2 of my female friends that have each asked me at different times why (other) guys can't seem to be friends with them for long and the guy is suddenly trying to get them in bed. I don't want to seem rude, but they both know that they are not raving beauties by any sense of the word. (Now OP please don't think that I'm comparing you to them in that respect because I am not.....however....) They both are very friendly, both have no problems relating to or talking to men......AND..........they both give off this extremely intense sexual vibe. The kind that makes a guy want to get a couple bottles of wine and some strawberries, then rent a room for two nights, take her there, and come out dehydrated.

It's entirely possible, that you are unaware of how attractive you are to the opposite sex.

[Mr. Opinionated]

And thats not defective behavior on men's part. Its the biology. Men and women were meant to have a strong physical attraction to one another. Their reproductive areas even fit together. However, I do have some women friends that I am not intimate with. But that is a choice because although sexually, being human, we are not necessarily romantically compatible. And I am fine with appreciating and enjoying their personalities even as attractive women. Can I be sexually aroused by those attributes? Well certainly! Even if older than before, I will always enjoy being male.