Roommates and Relationships (girlfriend, guilty, person, adults)

[intelfan11315]

Well, upon moving to a new state for school and cutting back my hours for work I decided to move in with a roommate out here. He's a nice guy, but anal about everything, complains about everything and always raises an issue. I can't take it, he's an early morning guy.. wakes up at 5am. Cooks, does whatever. Honestly, I don't care. The problem is, I'm a night person and every time I do anything in the night (after 10pm) I am complained to. It's constant complaining, worse than a nagging girlfriend.

I don't like getting out of bed in the night because he complains, it is really over the top.

I'm not saying I'm perfect.. but it is just driving me crazy.

Getting to a main question now, having a roommate like this.. how do I have a relationship? I am dating a girl now and I want to bring her back to my place sometimes , obviously. But this roommate never leaves the house, never goes out on weekends, is in bed by 9:00 and complains about any noise past that. What do I do about bringing my girlfriend back to my place?

Any advice on handling this would be great.

[CSD610]

Get your own place or get a new roommate who is more compatable to your hours and living/sleeping/playing habits. Other than that go to her place and tough it out until your lease runs out and you could always rent a motel room for a weekend, have some quiet time, relax in the pool, etc.

[JanND]

You two are not a good fit. Go to the girls place problem solved. Otherwise you'll have to find someone else to room w/.

[intelfan11315]

I can't find anyone else. We're both stuck in the lease for a while.

We're not a good fit at all, and it drives me nuts. The problem is, I am not the one doing any of the complaining and every time I get nagged I get angrier and angrier. I keep everything clean, I never leave a single dish in the sink, I never leave food out, yet if I do anything that's outside of his routine he whines to me. I swear its worse than my last relationship lol!

It just doesn't seem fair that I can't do anything or have anyone over. It's really stressful dealing with it.

[D. Scott]

Originally Posted by CSD610

Get your own place or get a new roommate who is more compatable to your hours and living/sleeping/playing habits. Other than that go to her place and tough it out until your lease runs out and you could always rent a motel room for a weekend, have some quiet time, relax in the pool, etc.

Agreed. He is not going to change, Just maintain the bare minimum contact and the OP's advice here is sound given the quiet time. And since the lease is not indefinite-Start preparing now to move when it's up. Average leases are 1-2 years and you will be surprised how fast that goes. Save, Work extra shifts, cut back on some things if you can-Don't splurge too much on a hotel room if you go. Be ready to leave when the lease is up, And hopefully you two will maintain peace enough to just shake hands on your last day, Wish each other luck and move on. I hope this becomes the reality.

[intelfan11315]

Originally Posted by D. Scott

Agreed. He is not going to change, Just maintain the bare minimum contact and the OP's advice here is sound given the quiet time. And since the lease is not indefinite-Start preparing now to move when it's up. Average leases are 1-2 years and you will be surprised how fast that goes. Save, Work extra shifts, cut back on some things if you can-Don't splurge too much on a hotel room if you go. Be ready to leave when the lease is up, And hopefully you two will maintain peace enough to just shake hands on your last day, Wish each other luck and move on. I hope this becomes the reality.

I'm probably going to end up the bad guy in this one. I can't afford a hotel every time I want to hang out with my girl and I can't imagine that I have to change everything from the time I eat dinner to the people I hang out with because I have an anal roommate.

Sucks, but I guess that's the reality. If the only way to really deal with this kind of person is to make all the sacrifice then I guess I just can't do that.

Thanks for the advice though, makes a lot of sense. I guess I'm just not that good of a person.

[D. Scott]

Originally Posted by burgler09

I'm probably going to end up the bad guy in this one. I can't afford a hotel every time I want to hang out with my girl and I can't imagine that I have to change everything from the time I eat dinner to the people I hang out with because I have an anal roommate.

Sucks, but I guess that's the reality. If the only way to really deal with this kind of person is to make all the sacrifice then I guess I just can't do that.

Thanks for the advice though, makes a lot of sense. I guess I'm just not that good of a person.

Living with people, even in intimate relationships or family is not always easy and roommates even more so as it is usually just a business arrangement with sharing space.

He sounds way over the top as you said-Almost like he needs a roommate but expects things to be like living alone and the anal part makes it worse. Roommates should respect each others privacy and comfort and understand adults will have a life. Sometimes this works well, roommates become good friends but more often then not it's the opposite.

Since you are in a lease and likely stuck there, have you tried stepping out with him (I know, man) and on neutral ground have a talk explaining how you both can perhaps compromise so that, while you are in the same boat you can at least have peace and the ability to enjoy your personal time at home. between work and other life things this is paramount. The home has to be a place to retreat and relax. Without this, Stress will build and come to a conclusion for sure.

You are not a bad person either, The situation is bad-As of now.

[cozzy]

Yep, bad situation. Why not just sit down and have a talk with him and let him know how you feel? Maybe you guys are not communicating well enough.

[Skydive Outlaw]

The only time in my life that I have ever had to deal with anyone that could be considered a "roommate" was for a couple of years when I rented two of the rooms out to my buddies in a house I owned.


I had absolutely NO idea what I was getting into. It was a nightmare that I hope I will never have to live through again.

- I charged both of them rent and covered the utlities on my side of things. Amazing how much my water bill increased with those two sloths taking 25-30 minute showers each in the morning. I eventually lowered the hot water tank temperature into the "warm" range from where it was near hot and put a lock on the door that led to the closet the tank was in.

- Both clowns just loved cranking the heat up to sub-tropical temperatures. I got home from a trip once and neither of them were home and the heat was pushing 88 degrees when I walked in the living room. It felt like I was in a sauna.

- Then things got real insane when both of them were on unemployment. I was working 50-60 hours a week and they just sat around drinking beer all day and playing XBox360. Ridiculous considering the circumstances.

- During their period of unemployment, one of them would spend his unemployment check close to the Tuesday that he was going to get a new one, and he would freak out when he was out of beer and walk into the kitchen, open the refrigerator and yell really loud "I'm FCCCCCKKKKD!" and keep doing it until I agreed to get him some beer.

- The quality of women that both of them had over was pathetic. It was cow central. One of them dated a bi-polar chick at one point and they were out at a bar where she thought he was flirting with another woman, and their argument made it back to the house at 2am and she was screaming, crying, throwing things and when I went to see what was going on, she was on the floor crying and shaking and my buddy was sitting next to her and I was like WTF!

- Neither of them knew how to park correctly so getting out of my drive way was like playing vehicular Jenga. I actually took out a post on my front deck trying to get out one morning with what little room was left by Idiot #1.

- Empty beer cans all over the place. Food boxes sitting on the kitchen counter, just 2ft from almost making it to the garbage can, dishes piled up in the kitchen sink.

- And then came the onslaught. They both mutinied at some point regarding my rules for keeping the bathroom clean and started getting out of the shower soaking wet and there was always about 1/8th of an inch of water on the bathroom floor along with a sink full of hair from them shaving and then pubes in the bathtub.

- Constant yelling and loud noise at all hours of the night. One of them would get into arguments with his girlfriend on his cell phone and walk around yelling into his phone at 3 and 4am. I didn't know he had a record from California until one morning he was yelling into the phone "I saved you by taking the charge for manufacturing and you walked away clean, you F-ing bi---". Wow again on that one.

- During their unemployment check era - they were both paying rent in increments sometimes weekly and I was like, cool but WTF do I do with 25% of your rent. Then came the late night comments from both of them regarding rent "Well, here is your play money for the month" like they were both oblivious to the fact that I had a mortgage.

- The constant, beyond creepy staring if and when a woman that I knew came over. I had a separate entry to my part of the house, but both of my buddies would hoover near the drive way if a woman came over to see me. It's kind of awkward when that would happen and in one case she drove a BMW and she could hear Clown 1 and 2 in the other part of the house saying "Shes loaded!" "She must have money!" "Ask him if she has any friends" Like WTF again on that.

- Then being forced to feel guilty when I would come home with groceries and Heineken and they were both sitting on the couch feeling sorry for themselves and lack of job prospects and they would stalk me in the kitchen checking out everything that I bought like they were starving.

- Dealing with the clothes dryer running at all hours of the night, with small metal things like coins still in their stuff, rattling and banging around. Along with the ridiculous country music one of them would play non-stop.

It was a trip straight to hell and back. I got one of them to move out after he parked wrong when he rolled in at about 3am one night and I blew up on him on the front lawn and was ready to hurt him and the other moronic imbecile found a girlfriend and I convinced him that he should move in with her and fortunately he did before that relationship imploded.

The only other time I have ever lived with another person is within the paramters of a romantic relationship and that is the only way I ever will.

[brokencrayola]

It sounds like moving out and getting you own place will not work at this time. I'd suggest you get a lock on your bedroom door and bring your girlfriend home now and then. Who knows, maybe he will leave for a few hours because it is too uncomfortable having a woman there.