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First my background is that I am a white as apple pie American married into a Chinese family (whom where born in China) and I am exposed to the cultural misconceptions. One of the general misconceptions they have is the Educational system in the USA. Chinese parents will put heavy pressure on their Children to attend the best of the best Colleges and Universities. That's great that were pushing our kids to be highly educated, and very many do well after graduation. I'm talking about the ones who attend Harvard and can only find analyst positions at a bank starting at $30k/year. They could have bought their kids a semi-truck and they could make a lot more money with less tuition costs right!
1. Chinese or Asian culture doesn't have as much to do with academic success in the US as do the genes that made it over here. Many (most?) of the Asians who made it over here in the past 40 years are the "far right of the bell curve" Asians. The rich ones. The ones that had enough money to get out. The smart ones. The PhDs, engineers, etc. The "median bell curve" Asian is picking rice or turning wrenches still somewhere back in Asia.
2. You'll probably have a higher net worth attending a community college for two years then transferring into a state college while living at home (if possible) and majoring in something worthwhile like nursing, engineering, or business than you would majoring in some softology major at Harvard. In the former case at Cal State Nowhere, you're out with no to little student loans and you're making $45K to $65K out the door. Investing early when you're young. In the latter case, you may have killer student loans and your job opportunities are nothing compared to the guy from Cal State Nowhere.
First my background is that I am a white as apple pie American married into a Chinese family (whom where born in China) and I am exposed to the cultural misconceptions. One of the general misconceptions they have is the Educational system in the USA. Chinese parents will put heavy pressure on their Children to attend the best of the best Colleges and Universities. That's great that were pushing our kids to be highly educated, and very many do well after graduation. I'm talking about the ones who attend Harvard and can only find analyst positions at a bank starting at $30k/year. They could have bought their kids a semi-truck and they could make a lot more money with less tuition costs right!
I am not quite sure the problem, unless I am left to assume.
Your spouses parents are pushing their children to go to/do well in college? Economy is not great right now and many people are not making it into the jobs or careers they may want to be in, which goes along with their schooling.
An OTR truck driver can make as little as .30 per mile. They live sedentary lifestyles, I would venture to say they have very unhealthy eating habits and don't get much if any exercise and don't see a lot of their family.
I would rather my husband make 30k a year as an analyst at a bank than be a truck driver.
Is there some problem you have with the parents? I am just not getting this.
Many first-generations offspring of foreign parents are pushed very hard. The other area of conflict is in assimilation. That is, first-gen kids often fight with their parents to Americanize, while their parents feel threatened that the kids are leaving the values that are part of the ancestral culture.
One exception to this is Jewish kids, who are not products of a first-gen experience. I have more Jewish acquaintances than I do friends, but there is indeed a family expectation that their kids push the envelope in terms of achievement. I know of some Jewish families where the sheepskins and success are in evidence across the board.
I am not quite sure the problem, unless I am left to assume.
Your spouses parents are pushing their children to go to/do well in college? Economy is not great right now and many people are not making it into the jobs or careers they may want to be in, which goes along with their schooling.
An OTR truck driver can make as little as .30 per mile. They live sedentary lifestyles, I would venture to say they have very unhealthy eating habits and don't get much if any exercise and don't see a lot of their family.
I would rather my husband make 30k a year as an analyst at a bank than be a truck driver.
Is there some problem you have with the parents? I am just not getting this.
His point was they would taking huge student loans which could probably never be repaid at 30k a year to attend Ivy league.
Many first-generations offspring of foreign parents are pushed very hard. The other area of conflict is in assimilation. That is, first-gen kids often fight with their parents to Americanize, while their parents feel threatened that the kids are leaving the values that are part of the ancestral culture.
One exception to this is Jewish kids, who are not products of a first-gen experience. I have more Jewish acquaintances than I do friends, but there is indeed a family expectation that their kids push the envelope in terms of achievement. I know of some Jewish families where the sheepskins and success are in evidence across the board.
I have that problem with my wife, foreigner and her parents. They think that since what work in their country is the best way than it should work here too. Wrong in many cases.
My FIL didn't understand last weekend why you leave the house for showing when you are a seller. He thought you should stand there and point out the nicest aspects of your home. He said why does it matter that it smells like eggs those are good smells, well in America, in Denver, people want a neutral home, not a seller pointing out look at the crown molding and those were great eggs thanks.
The biggest problem is both my FIL and my wife to a lesser degree can be very stubborn and they try impose their cultural values on America, that's normal to an extent, but they don't see they are different.
I think a more balanced approach is called for.. education and hard work are very important to success but working ridiculously hard at education while paying little attention to everything else is not a recipe for success.
Understand the 80/20 rule.. what are 20% of the things that Chinese people work hard at that contribute to 80% of their success.. then shift focus to that 20% !!!
I have that problem with my wife, foreigner and her parents. They think that since what work in their country is the best way than it should work here too. Wrong in many cases.
My FIL didn't understand last weekend why you leave the house for showing when you are a seller. He thought you should stand there and point out the nicest aspects of your home. He said why does it matter that it smells like eggs those are good smells, well in America, in Denver, people want a neutral home, not a seller pointing out look at the crown molding and those were great eggs thanks.
The biggest problem is both my FIL and my wife to a lesser degree can be very stubborn and they try impose their cultural values on America, that's normal to an extent, but they don't see they are different.
That has nothing to do with him being from another country. I had the same discussion/argument with my dad recently and our family has been here for many generations. I think its an age thing. I was visiting when the real estate agent came for a showing. Couldn't blast him out of the house. Who would show off all the nice features of the house?
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