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I'm not trying to make him stop. I know that's not happening. But people are making me feel like I'm the biggest ******* for not wanting to be right there near it when hes smoking.
We have filters. Waste of money.
You are in no way the "bad guy" here. I think that you would just like a little reciprocation in the respect department. You are being tolerant of his adverse behavior yet he doesn't give a whim about your opinions/health or his own. Others are actually right. It is his house and he probably figures at his age he will die of something anyway so do what he wants. Express your concern about yourself and let him know you love him and wish him to be around longer. If it's too late to matter to him? Relocate to another part of the house and just know that you are there if he needs something. Check on him but you don't have to sit there all the time. And for goodness sakes never have any guilt for not doing more, you are doing more than most do anyway!
signed..................an Alzheimer's/disabled caregiver w/ a mentally ill Mom in my own home!
I moved in because my mom passed away a month ago. I'm taking care of all the finances because mom always did. I've gotten all the life/health insurances straight. I'm also helping with the bills since he only receives a little over $1,000 in SS which won't nearly pay for the bills.
I'm just sick of people looking at me as the bad guy because I don't won't to smell smoke. I put up with it when I was growing up there. I thought he would be a little more appreciated and not smoke as much or at least go outside. The walls have a brown film on them now. You can actually see a fog of smoke in the living room.
But he can do what he wants. I just want be there with him while hes doing it which is pretty much all the time. He gets mad at me because I stay in my room all the time and tells family this so they get mad at me.
I moved in because my mom passed away a month ago. I'm taking care of all the finances because mom always did. I've gotten all the life/health insurances straight. I'm also helping with the bills since he only receives a little over $1,000 in SS which won't nearly pay for the bills.
I'm just sick of people looking at me as the bad guy because I don't won't to smell smoke. I put up with it when I was growing up there. I thought he would be a little more appreciated and not smoke as much or at least go outside. The walls have a brown film on them now. You can actually see a fog of smoke in the living room.
But he can do what he wants. I just want be there with him while hes doing it which is pretty much all the time. He gets mad at me because I stay in my room all the time and tells family this so they get mad at me.
Condolences on the loss of your mother.
You sound like an awesome son, and certainly not a "bad guy".
I'm so sorry anyone has tried to make you feel that way.
You sound like the only healthy person in your family actually.
If you find the smoking personally intolerable I would recommend you make plans to move out.
I know you wanted to be there to help him, physically and financially, but you are not obligated to do so at the risk of your own health.
As an adult, he has the right to make his own choices, but then, SO DO YOU.
You know you can't get your dad to stop smoking. He's too old. Smoking indoors is nasty though. I feel your pain. I can tolerate smoking -- and used to be a smoker -- but I don't get people who smoke in their houses. Most smokers I know have been going outside to smoke since the 1970s.
I moved in because my mom passed away a month ago. I'm taking care of all the finances because mom always did. I've gotten all the life/health insurances straight. I'm also helping with the bills since he only receives a little over $1,000 in SS which won't nearly pay for the bills.
I'm just sick of people looking at me as the bad guy because I don't won't to smell smoke. I put up with it when I was growing up there. I thought he would be a little more appreciated and not smoke as much or at least go outside. The walls have a brown film on them now. You can actually see a fog of smoke in the living room.
But he can do what he wants. I just want be there with him while hes doing it which is pretty much all the time. He gets mad at me because I stay in my room all the time and tells family this so they get mad at me.
Never mind what he tells family, they have decided to let YOU burden this responsibility. Tell anyone what complains to switch positions with you and they will shut up. Tis so much easier to spout off when not in anothers' position. Let it go in one ear and out the other. If you feel good about what you are doing nothing else matters and you will have peace when your father passes. Maybe other family members have their own guilt and are trying to shove it off on you to make themselves feel better. Finger pointers are never coming from a good place.
I totally agree with Swanstone as to what to say to family and I don't see how else you can handle the situation.
You are the kind of child every parent hopes theirs will turn out to be; I applaud you for moving in and helping out despite knowing your father's habit. I'm sorry about your loss.
As a former smoker, I know and appreciate what you are living with and I absolutely do not fault you for retreating to your room, as I would do in this situation. It's really horrible being in a home where people smoke when you're a non-smoker (I know that NOW). If there are other non-smokers in the family, invite them to stay a week while you go on vacation - I bet you won't get any takers.
Same story with one of the relatives. He had a difficult surgery for an aortic aneurysm, I believe, was told to stop smoking, and has not listened to repeated doctors' orders.
If he's 72, I doubt you're going to change him. It's your right not to breathe "second hand smoke." I have never allowed people to smoke in my car, because it's hard to get the smell out.
your Dad is 72. that means that 1 he is old enough to be dead set in ways and NOTHING you do will change that. and 2, he does not have many years left even if he never smoked in his life. Take a chill pill and enjoy your time left with him.
BTW, you are exposed to the chemicals in the smoke just as much living in the house with him as if you were sitting next to him while he does it.
This..At this point does it really matter if he stops smoking??? No so let it be and enjoy the little time he has left
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