i am angry at my non-mortgage paying brother

[tamajane]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

Oh please. Save the right-wing talking points for the politics forum. If you think it's just the irresponsible people who are underwater, think again. There are a lot of people out there who bought homes they could afford and continue making payments on. But the value of those homes have dropped so much that they're now underwater. You tell people to sell their home as if that's so easy. Maybe you've been living in a cave if you haven't noticed how hard it is to sell any house these days or get a loan if you want to buy one. As MontanaGuy correctly pointed out, the bailouts are going to the banks, not homeowners. And tamajane, there's nothing immoral in not paying your mortgage. If someone owed me money and couldn't pay it back, I wouldn't look at them as immoral. But I wouldn't trust them again either. There's a big difference between being a deadbeat and immoral.

The OP stated that the guy makes six figures, is stashing the money away while refusing to pay his mortgage. What if the person who owed you money was going off buying big screens and driving a beemer? Still OK? If that is not immoral... ! Then stealing should be all good as well because that is what it is.

The guy has an entitlement attitude, something that became common with easy loans, car leasing, etc. but it is still a matter of personal responsibilty. Before those things existed people with such attitudes still complained and tried to get money and freebies for their never ending desires. These "poor" people always have the latest- gadgets, clothes, cars, etc. and like to look down on people who live within their means, while whining pooor me.

I feel for the OP, I've been there, and just stay far away from those types, even family members.

[silverwing]

Originally Posted by liladocks

why is this the wrong forum? my relationship with my brother is suffering and i need advice! this doesn't have anything to do with personal finance or real estate. this has to do with the fact that my brother is being disengenuous about his financial situation and it's driving me nuts.

Drop the rope.

You can't (and, IMO, shouldn't) do anything about his money troubles - not in this case.

Have stock lines ready:
"Well, that's too bad <change subject>"
"I have issues of my own that I don't cast as a burden on you. I'd appreciate the same respect in return"

You might have to escalate if the dolt doesn't buy a clue:
"I enjoy our visits but there is a rule: when you walk in my door, I expect you to leave that subject on the porch"

The guy is yanking your chain because he wants to share in the (supposed) misery. You clearly demonstrate that you are affected by his poor character and he's abusing that weakness. Grow a spine and declare that subject off limits.

[miyu]

You just need to stop comparing situations with your brother. 100k per year isn't a lot. I wouldn't envy his situation. He's going to lose the house. It might not be next month, but he will lose it. He's just doing what he thinks is "practical", even if it isn't exactly ethical. Just tell him you don't approve of his actions and move on.

[mrstewart]

Why would you talk to your brother about his finances at all? If you find yourself getting agitated then perhaps this is a sign you need to change the subject.