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When you think you know someone, and they do something that surprises and shocks and disappoints you, have you mentally taken them off the friend list?
I guess this is the Hell of having expectations...and what is left is a hollowness, a disappointment and an emptiness that no amount of scotch will remedy.
I feel you, I just had this happen to me last week and it hurts like hell....my situation was more of someone warning me about this girl and how she interfered with someones' relationship (my friend's relationship), so I asked her if this was true and she said no but I do say I love you to lots of people...so I let it slide and it came up again and I questioned her again and she came out with more info and after that phone call that I thought ended well, she just acted shady and started blaming me for stressing her out and became distant...I apologized for bringing it up but she doesn't wanna talk anymore, and after some heartbreak I realize that as most women that are guilty do, she was just guilty and looked to point the finger at me, but I had opened my heart to her and now it hurts like hell, but at least I didn't do anything to hurt her or lie to her so my conscience is clear at least even though it hurts
When you think you know someone, and they do something that surprises and shocks and disappoints you, have you mentally taken them off the friend list?
I guess this is the Hell of having expectations...and what is left is a hollowness, a disappointment and an emptiness that no amount of scotch will remedy.
I "lost" a work friend, years back, because of her negativity and the actions she took because of it. Years later, when it became clear that we would be working for the same employer again, we discussed the issue, everything that happened, and the effects of her actions. It took a while, but we are good friends again...and probably more solid that we were before.
I can feel what you're saying... (not literally) lol... but I get it. I had a friend a long time ago that due to her actions made me re-evaluate how I make friends, what I look for in friends and at what level I keep friends (i.e., how close I allow them) because she was my BEST friend, she knew everything about me and vice versa. It was the fact that she did know everything and used it against me to get at and sleep with my then b/f of two years. In the long run it helped me see that I had become complacent in life and wasn't truly living up to my potential.
It helped me choose better friends and in the long run, better men. So, on one hand yes, I've been where you are but I turned it into a very positive experience.
The funniest and best part of the story is that she did end up marrying him and he turned out to be a big time abuser, beat on her all the time, and all sorts of drama...
I love karma.
Yes Phil, I've lost a friend or two for reasons you've stated. I've been in situations where I overestimated a friendship or that person flat out betrayed me. I don't take my friendships lightly. I consider myself a forgiving person, I don't like to hold grudges and I don't dwell on things for very long. But once I've reached the point where I realize I'm investing more of myself than I should, or that person is just not who I thought they were, I rid them of my life completely. I've had too many people I really love taken from me without a choice--if someone reveals their true colors and it turns out they aren't the friend I thought, I make peace with it and let them be.
Regardless it still burns. Especially as we get older, because there is a part of me that feels I should know better at this stage of my life. Sometimes I'm a little too soft-hearted and soft-headed for my own good...sometimes. The way I look at it, at least the few solid friendships I have make up for the ones that I've lost along the way. The bad ones only make the good ones look that much better.
Phil, was this a situation where someone mistook your kindness for weakness?
Last edited by Coolhand68; 09-30-2010 at 06:44 AM..
Location: i liv in a town, on the world..lol.. wat about evry1 else?? hehe
42 posts, read 90,009 times
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yea.. plenty of times. lik-> evry day of my lif. ugh. but, we gota learn from it.. try 2 thank positive. i usualy thank negative but im tryin 2 thank positive.. sumtimes it helps. :s
Thank you all for your replies - I think I'll go back to my original plan and just consider all of you here as my true friends. Pathetic, maybe, but it seems to be the logical thing to do at this point.
Because of my choices in life and my current lifestyle, coupled with paying off a rather enormous karmic debt , I've pretty much been a loner these past few years - usually I welcome that status, but I forgot that when you let down the walls for that beautiful Trojan horse you're just begging to be buried in Trojans.
...whoa, what a nasty visual THAT was...
Anyway, I got to thinking that if I were the type to have 4 million friends - a walking-FaceBook kinda' guy - the loss of one or even a dozen would be nothing, but when you're a bit more choosy with your friends there's greater repercussions when you lose one. I cannot change my basic nature, so I'll just retreat back into my cave.
Thank you all for your replies - I think I'll go back to my original plan and just consider all of you here as my true friends. Pathetic, maybe, but it seems to be the logical thing to do at this point.
Because of my choices in life and my current lifestyle, coupled with paying off a rather enormous karmic debt , I've pretty much been a loner these past few years - usually I welcome that status, but I forgot that when you let down the walls for that beautiful Trojan horse you're just begging to be buried in Trojans.
...whoa, what a nasty visual THAT was...
Anyway, I got to thinking that if I were the type to have 4 million friends - a walking-FaceBook kinda' guy - the loss of one or even a dozen would be nothing, but when you're a bit more choosy with your friends there's greater repercussions when you lose one. I cannot change my basic nature, so I'll just retreat back into my cave.
I KNEW I should have stuck with goldfish!
Phil, you crack me up... the visual comment really got me good LOL. Look, you're a seemingly intelligent man, you have a great sense of humor and a good handle on life and what it's about. If you lose one friend who isn't a friend at all, then you have lost nothing but gained a new insight.
It can suck balls to lose a friend. I recently just loss two friends of mine who are being clappy and not even telling me why they're being distant and its seriously killing me. They hold high expectations of me and I can honestly say that I have done nothing, NOTHING wrong. Just don't expect too much from people these days, I hate to say. When you expect too much, you'll more than likely always be disappointed.
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, I've pretty much been a loner these past few years - usually I welcome that status, but I forgot that when you let down the walls for that beautiful Trojan horse you're just begging to be buried in Trojans.
