07-15-2009, 07:25 PM
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I'm a female in my early 30s who's going to be moving to the TC in September to attend grad school. I am a little concerned about some of what I've read about Minnesotans being somewhat distant and difficult to make friends with. I understand that it has a lot to do with people having lived here all their lives and thus having full lives with a solid social circle. But I'm just wondering if anyone has tips on what a person should do if they want to make new friends. I know general advice about how to make friends in new places may very well apply, but since I'm moving to Minneapolis, I thought I'd ask you folks.
You see, I hope to make friends outside of school because a) I will be older than most of my classmates and for various reasons I anticipate that I will not have that much in common aside from schoolwork; and b) I don't want my life outside of school to be all about school (i.e., conversations about grad school and the life of a grad student, etc). I'd like to meet people who are funny, smart, interesting, around my age... I have already thought about volunteering somewhere, such as the Institute of Arts. I also am thinking about joining a running club. I might be interested in joining other outdoor activity clubs, if my budget permits (maybe in future years). Any other suggestions or ideas or insights?
Thanks!
07-15-2009, 09:28 PM
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Those all sound like good ideas. I've in the past had good luck meeting people through volunteering, although at some of the larger museums (not sure about the MIA in particular) it can be more difficult to break into the inner circle of volunteers. I'd certainly still pursue it if that's where your interests go, but based on personal museum experience I think you'd have an easier time from the friend-standpoint if you found a slightly smaller place. They also tend to be a bit less regimented, so you'd have a better chance of being able to do a broader range of things.
If you're interested in local issues (or become interested after you move) there are always local neighborhood groups that need people, too. (although I'm biased - I think more neighborhood groups need more young people and more renters to balance things out. Still, you'd meet a nice range of people in your neighborhood.)
07-17-2009, 07:10 AM
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Thanks!! I did a search of the Minnesota forum and found this interminably long thread entitled, 'Is it really that hard to make friends in Minnesota?' I read the whole thing...probably not such a good idea (scared me a bit), but now I feel like I really do need to plan ahead and find good ways to get involved and meet people. I also now also know what lutefisk is (there's a funny sub-conversation about it running through the thread)!
07-17-2009, 06:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Isabel_009
You see, I hope to make friends outside of school because a) I will be older than most of my classmates and for various reasons I anticipate that I will not have that much in common aside from schoolwork; and b) I don't want my life outside of school to be all about school (i.e., conversations about grad school and the life of a grad student, etc). I'd like to meet people who are funny, smart, interesting, around my age...
Will there be postdocs in your department? If so, I'd suggest trying to hang out with them instead of grad students. They're probably going to be much less inclined to talk about school in off hours and they're going to be your age.
07-17-2009, 09:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
bhdavis1978
Will there be postdocs in your department? If so, I'd suggest trying to hang out with them instead of grad students. They're probably going to be much less inclined to talk about school in off hours and they're going to be your age.
Hmmm...yes, and there are upper year grad students who are about my age and may have more in common with me. We shall see if I can break the ice with them. It might be difficult though because I've heard that people tend to stick with their own cohort...but I think it's worth a shot.
07-18-2009, 05:01 AM
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Isabel.
You have a good start with your ideas.
From my handle, you can tell that I don't have a lot of experience living outside of our fine state.
It's my theory that most of what is going on is that Minnesotans have their core circle of friends filled. And while they are "nice", they are not looking to fill any more spots with ease. There is not some MN club. It's a simple matter that if we have enough friends in our mind, we tend on subconsciously close the door. Looking back and digging a little, I remember doing it myself several times.
Since I have read the thread that you referenced, I've paid close attention to what it takes to make friends and when it occurs. I've concluded there
is something to it. In the past when I politely shut the door, it was because I saw the other person coming on a little too strong as a friend or I felt I was too busy. I could describe the specific examples if you like. So my message is don't push too hard. It sounds odd to become strategic but I really do think you need to be.
So for fun, recently I've tried to "bust into" some friend groups that were acquaintances before. Just realize that once you find someone that enjoys your company, they may not reciprocate an invitation even though they say yes to a lot of your invites. Keep on asking and eventually the calls will sparsely return. If your pseudo-friends that are in development have Kid's, those return invitations will be much slower than if they don't have Kid's. I'm at the age where parents are "empty nesters". Entering into those circles are much easier.
I've found it takes a weekend trip or a vacation together in order to have stronger bonds. In fact, the circles that I have recently "busted into" have been at our cabin twice. Still, we have to initiate most of the activities. But we are becoming friends with some of their friends so we have gotten a invitations into the larger group events.
Best of luck!
07-18-2009, 08:12 AM
Location: Saint Paul
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Hi Isabel. I know you don't want your life and activities to be all about school, but it will certainly help you get a start in terms of meeting people. I also have some other ideas that I will send a DM to you about. Please don't get discouraged before you even arrive!
07-18-2009, 09:05 AM
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Thanks for your observations! I think coming on too strong is recognized universally as a sign of desperation and scares people off. And you definitely won't be seeing me being pushy or anything like that -- if anything I'm likely to err on the opposite side by not being forward enough. I like spending time alone (at home with my partner) and it's easy to fall into a routine where making plans with others actually seems burdensome or stressful. This might sound strange or familiar to some people, I don't know. I do have a bit of social anxiety. But I also recognize that when I'm around people I often have a lot of fun, so I think it's worthwhile to get a new, more social routine. Moving to a new city is a good opportunity for that. I just need to follow through on some of my ideas and the great ideas that have been suggested to me so far!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MN-Born-n-Raised
Isabel.
You have a good start with your ideas.
From my handle, you can tell that I don't have a lot of experience living outside of our fine state.
It's my theory that most of what is going on is that Minnesotans have their core circle of friends filled. And while they are "nice", they are not looking to fill any more spots with ease. There is not some MN club. It's a simple matter that if we have enough friends in our mind, we tend on subconsciously close the door. Looking back and digging a little, I remember doing it myself several times.
Since I have read the thread that you referenced, I've paid close attention to what it takes to make friends and when it occurs. I've concluded there
is something to it. In the past when I politely shut the door, it was because I saw the other person coming on a little too strong as a friend or I felt I was too busy. I could describe the specific examples if you like. So my message is don't push too hard. It sounds odd to become strategic but I really do think you need to be.
So for fun, recently I've tried to "bust into" some friend groups that were acquaintances before. Just realize that once you find someone that enjoys your company, they may not reciprocate an invitation even though they say yes to a lot of your invites. Keep on asking and eventually the calls will sparsely return. If your pseudo-friends that are in development have Kid's, those return invitations will be much slower than if they don't have Kid's. I'm at the age where parents are "empty nesters". Entering into those circles are much easier.
I've found it takes a weekend trip or a vacation together in order to have stronger bonds. In fact, the circles that I have recently "busted into" have been at our cabin twice. Still, we have to initiate most of the activities. But we are becoming friends with some of their friends so we have gotten a invitations into the larger group events.
Best of luck!
07-20-2009, 03:16 AM
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I'll be your friend. lol.
Actually, I think the same goes for many places. I'm a Minnesotan, who plans to start grad school in Iowa, and there is a thread there saying people can be standoff-ish, and everyone has their friends from school, and their clique. I don't actually believe it though. I really think, that if you are a nice and outgoing person, you can make friends anywhere. Minnesota and Iowa are no different. It's definitely harder to make friends when you are a bit older. Many people are married with children, and don't have the time to hangout for coffee. I'm sure you will meet many people, especially from your department.
07-20-2009, 09:24 AM
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I think the school environment is going to be different, anyway, even if you don't end up being friends only with those from your department. I think (and this is just a theory) that a lot of the people with the most problems are probably a bit older and are moving to neighborhoods where most people have kids and have a busy life (because kids today seem to have so many scheduled activities, and the parents are often busy bringing them from one place to another on top of managing their own non-kid lives). The school setting is going to have a different vibe, especially if at a large school. Some people will still have busy family or personal lives, but you will share a common bond of participation in academic life with them. (and as a parent of a toddler, let me be the first to say that while I love talking about my kid, I also have a strong need to talk to people about other more intellectually-stimulating topics as well. Given your age bracket you'll probably meet other people around your age that have kids yet are eager to make non-kid-related friends; their schedules may not be as open as those without kids, though.)
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Most Common Occupations - Production occupations (%)
Most Common Occupations - Transportation occupations (%)
Most Common Occupations - Material moving occupations (%)
People in Group quarters - Institutionalized population (%)
People in Group quarters - Correctional institutions (%)
People in Group quarters - Federal prisons and detention centers (%)
People in Group quarters - Halfway houses (%)
People in Group quarters - Local jails and other confinement facilities (including police lockups) (%)
People in Group quarters - Military disciplinary barracks (%)
People in Group quarters - State prisons (%)
People in Group quarters - Other types of correctional institutions (%)
People in Group quarters - Nursing homes (%)
People in Group quarters - Hospitals/wards, hospices, and schools for the handicapped (%)
People in Group quarters - Hospitals/wards and hospices for chronically ill (%)
People in Group quarters - Hospices or homes for chronically ill (%)
People in Group quarters - Military hospitals or wards for chronically ill (%)
People in Group quarters - Other hospitals or wards for chronically ill (%)
People in Group quarters - Hospitals or wards for drug/alcohol abuse (%)
People in Group quarters - Mental (Psychiatric) hospitals or wards (%)
People in Group quarters - Schools, hospitals, or wards for the mentally retarded (%)
People in Group quarters - Schools, hospitals, or wards for the physically handicapped (%)
People in Group quarters - Institutions for the deaf (%)
People in Group quarters - Institutions for the blind (%)
People in Group quarters - Orthopedic wards and institutions for the physically handicapped (%)
People in Group quarters - Wards in general hospitals for patients who have no usual home elsewhere (%)
People in Group quarters - Wards in military hospitals for patients who have no usual home elsewhere (%)
People in Group quarters - Juvenile institutions (%)
People in Group quarters - Long-term care (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes for abused, dependent, and neglected children (%)
People in Group quarters - Residential treatment centers for emotionally disturbed children (%)
People in Group quarters - Training schools for juvenile delinquents (%)
People in Group quarters - Short-term care, detention or diagnostic centers for delinquent children (%)
People in Group quarters - Type of juvenile institution unknown (%)
People in Group quarters - Noninstitutionalized population (%)
People in Group quarters - College dormitories (includes college quarters off campus) (%)
People in Group quarters - Military quarters (%)
People in Group quarters - On base (%)
People in Group quarters - Barracks, unaccompanied personnel housing (UPH), (Enlisted/Officer), ;and similar group living quarters for military personnel (%)
People in Group quarters - Transient quarters for temporary residents (%)
People in Group quarters - Military ships (%)
People in Group quarters - Group homes (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes or halfway houses for drug/alcohol abuse (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes for the mentally ill (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes for the mentally retarded (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes for the physically handicapped (%)
People in Group quarters - Other group homes (%)
People in Group quarters - Religious group quarters (%)
People in Group quarters - Dormitories (%)
People in Group quarters - Agriculture workers' dormitories on farms (%)
People in Group quarters - Job Corps and vocational training facilities (%)
People in Group quarters - Other workers' dormitories (%)
People in Group quarters - Crews of maritime vessels (%)
People in Group quarters - Other nonhousehold living situations (%)
People in Group quarters - Other noninstitutional group quarters (%)
Residents speaking English at home (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Foreign born (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Foreign born (%)
Residents speaking other language at home (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Foreign born (%)
Class of Workers - Employee of private company (%)
Class of Workers - Self-employed in own incorporated business (%)
Class of Workers - Private not-for-profit wage and salary workers (%)
Class of Workers - Local government workers (%)
Class of Workers - State government workers (%)
Class of Workers - Federal government workers (%)
Class of Workers - Self-employed workers in own not incorporated business and Unpaid family workers (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Utility gas (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Bottled, tank, or LP gas (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Electricity (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Fuel oil, kerosene, etc. (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Coal or coke (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Wood (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Solar energy (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Other fuel (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - No fuel used (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Utility gas (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Bottled, tank, or LP gas (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Electricity (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Fuel oil, kerosene, etc. (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Coal or coke (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Wood (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Solar energy (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Other fuel (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - No fuel used (%)
Armed forces status - In Armed Forces (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Veteran (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Nonveteran (%)
Fatal accidents locations in years 2005-2021
Fatal accidents locations in 2005
Fatal accidents locations in 2006
Fatal accidents locations in 2007
Fatal accidents locations in 2008
Fatal accidents locations in 2009
Fatal accidents locations in 2010
Fatal accidents locations in 2011
Fatal accidents locations in 2012
Fatal accidents locations in 2013
Fatal accidents locations in 2014
Fatal accidents locations in 2015
Fatal accidents locations in 2016
Fatal accidents locations in 2017
Fatal accidents locations in 2018
Fatal accidents locations in 2019
Fatal accidents locations in 2020
Fatal accidents locations in 2021
Alcohol use - People drinking some alcohol every month (%)
Alcohol use - People not drinking at all (%)
Alcohol use - Average days/month drinking alcohol
Alcohol use - Average drinks/week
Alcohol use - Average days/year people drink much
Audiometry - Average condition of hearing (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear a whisper from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear normal voice from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - Ears ringing, roaring, buzzing (%)
Audiometry - Had a job exposure to loud noise (%)
Audiometry - Had off-work exposure to loud noise (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high blood pressure (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Checking blood pressure at home (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Frequently checking blood cholesterol (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high cholesterol level (%)
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at supermarket/grocery store
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at other stores
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on eating out
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on carryout/delivered foods
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at supermarket/grocery store (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at other stores (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on eating out (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on carryout/delivered foods (%)
Current Health Status - General health condition (%)
Current Health Status - Blood donors (%)
Current Health Status - Has blood ever tested for HIV virus (%)
Current Health Status - Left-handed people (%)
Dermatology - People using sunscreen (%)
Diabetes - Diabetics (%)
Diabetes - Had a blood test for high blood sugar (%)
Diabetes - People taking insulin (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Diet health (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Milk product consumption (# of products/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals not home prepared (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals from fast food or pizza place (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Ready-to-eat foods (#/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Frozen meals/pizza (#/month)
Drug Use - People that ever used marijuana or hashish (%)
Drug Use - Ever used hard drugs (%)
Drug Use - Ever used any form of cocaine (%)
Drug Use - Ever used heroin (%)
Drug Use - Ever used methamphetamine (%)
Health Insurance - People covered by health insurance (%)
Kidney Conditions-Urology - Avg. # of times urinating at night
Medical Conditions - People with asthma (%)
Medical Conditions - People with anemia (%)
Medical Conditions - People with psoriasis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with overweight (%)
Medical Conditions - Elderly people having difficulties in thinking or remembering (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever received blood transfusion (%)
Medical Conditions - People having trouble seeing even with glass/contacts (%)
Medical Conditions - People with arthritis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with gout (%)
Medical Conditions - People with congestive heart failure (%)
Medical Conditions - People with coronary heart disease (%)
Medical Conditions - People with angina pectoris (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had heart attack (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had stroke (%)
Medical Conditions - People with emphysema (%)
Medical Conditions - People with thyroid problem (%)
Medical Conditions - People with chronic bronchitis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with any liver condition (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had cancer or malignancy (%)
Mental Health - People who have little interest in doing things (%)
Mental Health - People feeling down, depressed, or hopeless (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble sleeping or sleeping too much (%)
Mental Health - People feeling tired or having little energy (%)
Mental Health - People with poor appetite or overeating (%)
Mental Health - People feeling bad about themself (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble concentrating on things (%)
Mental Health - People moving or speaking slowly or too fast (%)
Mental Health - People having thoughts they would be better off dead (%)
Oral Health - Average years since last visit a dentist
Oral Health - People embarrassed because of mouth (%)
Oral Health - People with gum disease (%)
Oral Health - General health of teeth and gums (%)
Oral Health - Average days a week using dental floss/device
Oral Health - Average days a week using mouthwash for dental problem
Oral Health - Average number of teeth
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to control insects (%)
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to kill weeds (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People walking or bicycling (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - Average hours a day doing sedentary activities
Physical Activity - Average hours a day watching TV or videos
Physical Activity - Average hours a day using computer
Physical Functioning - People having limitations keeping them from working (%)
Physical Functioning - People limited in amount of work they can do (%)
Physical Functioning - People that need special equipment to walk (%)
Physical Functioning - People experiencing confusion/memory problems (%)
Physical Functioning - People requiring special healthcare equipment (%)
Prescription Medications - Average number of prescription medicines taking
Preventive Aspirin Use - Adults 40+ taking low-dose aspirin (%)
Reproductive Health - Vaginal deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Cesarean deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Deliveries resulted in a live birth (%)
Reproductive Health - Pregnancies resulted in a delivery (%)
Reproductive Health - Women breastfeeding newborns (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had a hysterectomy (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had both ovaries removed (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever taken birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women taking birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used Depo-Provera or injectables (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used female hormones (%)
Sexual Behavior - People 18+ that ever had sex (vaginal, anal, or oral) (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had anal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had any sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had anal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had any kind of sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first had sex
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female vaginal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a woman (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of woman performed oral sex on in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male anal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a man (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male oral sex partners in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - People using protection when performing oral sex (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of times people have vaginal or anal sex a year
Sexual Behavior - People having sex without condom (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male vaginal sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Circumcised males 18+ (%)
Sleep Disorders - Average hours sleeping at night
Sleep Disorders - People that has trouble sleeping (%)
Smoking-Cigarette Use - People smoking cigarettes (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with smell (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with taste (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had wisdom teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had tonsils teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a loss of consciousness because of a head injury (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a broken nose or other serious injury to face or skull (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had two or more sinus infections (%)
Weight - Average height (inches)
Weight - Average weight (pounds)
Weight - Average BMI
Weight - People that are obese (%)
Weight - People that ever were obese (%)
Weight - People trying to lose weight (%)