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My husband is having another episode of severe depression. It came on suddenly and hit hard. Not going into details but suffice it to say I thought I'd never see him again after this morning.
Which leads me to my question. He tends to be the most depressed upon awakening. I suppose this is normal for depression but is there anything other than talking to him until I'm blue in the face to lessen the a.m. sadness? It's soooo very hard to get him moving either for a walk to out the door to work. I succeeded today but tomorrow's another day, followed by Thurs, Fri and so on.
He has an appointment with a new psychiatrist on Thursday afternoon. His regular one is on medical leave.
Don't frown about his regular one being on medical leave. The new one might do better at prescribing medication. If it's worse in the morning, he probably needs a medication adjustment or change. Maybe he's taking an antidepressant that has a short half life and it's wearing off in the middle of the night. It's also possible he is misdiagnosed and he's on the wrong types of medications entirely. Make sure he tells the doctor all of his symptoms and that he is more depressed every morning.
My husband is having another episode of severe depression. It came on suddenly and hit hard. Not going into details but suffice it to say I thought I'd never see him again after this morning.
Which leads me to my question. He tends to be the most depressed upon awakening. I suppose this is normal for depression but is there anything other than talking to him until I'm blue in the face to lessen the a.m. sadness? It's soooo very hard to get him moving either for a walk to out the door to work. I succeeded today but tomorrow's another day, followed by Thurs, Fri and so on.
He has an appointment with a new psychiatrist on Thursday afternoon. His regular one is on medical leave.
My husband is the exact opposite ! Around 4pm, you can set your watch, he goes into such a deep depression he will cry or lay down or just pace. There has to be a name for this kind of depression. He is depressed all the time but in the afternoon watch out. I know exactly how you feel. How do YOU cope? Aren't you just completely worn out ?
Is your husband in therapy too? In therapy if your husband can identify why morning is extra hard it could help him push through those times. Also to come up with healthy ways to cope or a better routine.
Have you asked your husband why he feels he struggles so much to get going for the walk? Does he feel better mentally when you are done? If so that could be a good reminder for him that when he pushes himself he feels better about himself.
I am sorry about your husband but you sound like a very supportive wife. I understand this must take a toll on you too.
it is hard for me to determine if i can help. I have been fighting depression and anxiety since the beginning of my adult life. However in my case i never found much sympathy. In fact when i told others about it they made some mean judgements about it. Years ago it was hard to find sympathy as most people think they are experts on the subject.
At the start of my depression i was very moody too. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on the point of view i was forced to adapt to survive. It is amazing what strength the mind has when it is a matter of sink or swim.
Yet quite honestly i had to isolate to survive. When things got really bad i went to a hospital where i felt safe for a while because i was around others who felt the way i did.
The moral of this story is that it DOES feel better when your around others who KNOW how you feel.
Think about getting your husband into a day program. Even if only a few days a week.
never underestimate the value of a good therapist with good skills. I personally never benefited from medication for depression.
However for a while i was taking anti- anxiety med and with lowered anxiety my depression felt better. Too many people are both depressed and anxious. I find anxiety is the worst.
I suggest these things and do some research on Rogerian therapy. And DBT therapy. Both practiced at the same time works well for resistant depression. Rogerian (Carl Rodgers style therapy) therapy is a therapy where the therapist actually shows a caring attitude and treats a patient with respect and is very encouraging (even nurturing). Not many therapists practice this but when you find one for your husband he will be in good hands. Don't expect overnight results. It took me a year of therapy with one of these wonderful therapists to go from feeling suicidal to feeling some real control over my life. Hopefully when he is in treatment you will be very encouraged by the progress even if only a little bit at first.What can you do now? Lots of positive reinforcement helps. Commend him on his tiniest achievements. Lots of praise at the slightest effort. Steer him away from negative thinking. Keep a sense of humor. Humor is a powerful antidepressant. Sometimes just hug him and say nothing.
I hope this helps.
Has your husband been checked out on the medical end? There are medical issues that can cause fatigue at different times of the day. Deficiencies, sleep apnea, heart problems, etc. Certain deficiencies also cause depression. Has his testosterone been checked? B-12? That sort of stuff? Mental health professionals are supposed to rule out physical causes prior to treating for depression and anxiety, but many don't bother to do it.
My husband is the type of person that dosen't put much faith in therapy although he is seeing one. He could cancel at any time. He wouldn't go anywhere to be with others. He is 66 and set in his ways even though he has been depressed and anxious all his life. He is on Cymbalta. I am not looking for a pity party but I am worn out trying to get him to do different things to help him. He won't go for walks, anything that would help. I really think he has given up and if I talk about him being admitted to a mental health facility the look on his face is scary. He has been admitted once in the past. He would rather be dead than be admitted so that is where I am now. He hardly eats anything even though I cook. He has heart disease and kidney disease. No diaylisis yet but he won't do that. Like I said I think he has given up. Thanks for listening. Oh, are there any type of meetings I could go to to learn how to cope with this situation ? Also if I didn't constantly argue about him wanting to have a beer sometimes he would just drink himself to death. We have had some horrible arguments about that. He just wears me down and I let him have one.
Sorry I kind of disappeared for a bit there after posting. This happens to me when he falls down the dark hole----I kind of go with him and spend less time doing my normal things (including eating----I've lost several lbs. in less than a week).
Thank you for all your replies and Hopes, you hit the nail on the head! His new doctor adjusted his meds so that they won't wear off so quickly. Getting the prescription filled today.
In this particular episode of depression, he's not nearly as bad in the a.m. as he was in 2008 (THANK GOD!) and overall, it hasn't hit him as hard.
Mindscape, thank you for your comments and I'm so sorry you too are struggling with this and without much support…you must be a very strong person. I wish you well.
Tarajane---I'm right there with you…depression takes a terrible, terrible toll on spouses/partners. He once had a really bad episode which lasted for months. He had support from me, his doctor and a few friends who knew about it. What did I have? Nothing. I gave so much to keep him afloat but I had nothing. The friends were as helpful as they could be but what I yearned for was someone who was in the same position as I. I even searched online for some kind of support group for spouses of depression but found nothing. If anyone know of anything, please let me know. As for you, Tarajane, feel free to PM anytime. I know what you're going through. It's hell.
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