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Amazing that I ran across this thread exactly 6 years to the day I posted the first time. Strictly coincidence. My life hasn't changed much since my first post.
Although I have reached the conclusion that I miss being around people I like, but wouldn't want to be around "just anyone" for the sake of having someone "there". The people I do miss are my father's mother, my grandmother. Her sisters, my great aunts. My aunt and uncle. Not so much their spouses. My grandmother's same-age neighbors throughout her neighborhood, who were her peers. Grandmother's friends, who were wonderful people. There are other family members I miss, too, like my father, who I adored. For some reason the people I just mentioned had "it"....they were caring, very kind and warm, very special people. I have recently become aware that these people were a gift and I am very fortunate to have known them for as long as I did. But not particularly my brother or sister, their spouses, or our mother and step-father.
Why I am this way, no idea!! It wasn't a choice, it's just how I am by nature. I can see my nature in photos of me when I was ages 3 and 7.
Here is an awareness I've had since my post in 2013 ... during the past year or two: I have had many romantic relationships throughout my life, and not one of them treated me well. I, however, did treat all of them very well, and enjoyed doing so. I would not change that and try to remember the good times we had. But overall, did not enjoy their treatment of me. So I say 'bah-humbug!' to all that. My people-picker is severely broken. I would like to see these favorite family member-types once in a while, but not every day. Uncomfortable around chatterboxes with mindless chatter, or even people who are intelligent and have a need to talk constantly. I begin to feel a form of assault when even intelligent people do a lot of talking .... have noticed people who are in a certain profession tend to like talking all the time, non-stop. They are amazing in that as soon as one sentence ends, they can immediately begin another sentence without taking a breath. Sometimes I find myself in a trance, watching their lips as they go from one sentence to the other. I do not enjoy people who have never tried to better themselves, or even realize that they could better themselves, who are like sheep and follow whoever is the personality du jour. As an empath, it is too painful to be around people who focus on lack instead of looking at how they created their own world of lack. Ha-ha! I could be one of those people myself after writing all of this. Although, seriously, there is a lot I have in my life that was built by hard work, and from paying attention to my intuitive nature, not by a focus on lack. I appreciate all that I have. I get this from my dear grandmother and her two dear sisters.
Some distant relatives attacked me on social media...so out they went to the blocked group. They get one chance, and they are gone. Good riddance. My social media accounts are professional and positive. And want to keep them that way. My brother attacked me via phone call. I know his wife was behind that because she nags him. Then he unfriended me (I know she nagged him until he did it) because I don't put up with abusive social media behavior aka his immediate relatives, who are toxic. He did not start his life this way and was one of the most positive people ... but when a spouse is toxic, it can literally rub off, especially if there is constant nagging. This made me very sad, to lose my brother. Will call him in a few months. He is married to a highly toxic woman as is my sister's husband. All 3 of us have been attracted to this type of romantic relationship. The family curse. We began as very good, solid people, and it went downhill.
Discovered I'm not an Aspie, I'm an empath. Very intuitive and psychic, even. So am too sensitive to other people's energy. Psychically, I can read people very well, and predict their behavior(s). I am a member of some closed groups on social media...mostly empath groups, that are very supportive for people like me. It helps that we don't meet each other face-to-face...having that automatic boundary is good for me since my people-picker is so broken. I don't allow people to get too close to me unless I have been able to get to know who they really are.
Still working in a field 4 days/week where I must work around people all the time, so I enjoy my downtime immensely. Enjoy my clients - up to a certain point - and am very wary of them and their families because they can turn toxic in a flash. Once you get to know them on deeply personal levels, probably 2 out of 3 families are toxic. Our world is not the same world it was 40-50-60 years ago. Sometimes I casually - sometimes more than casually - think about ending my life because I am always in such a quandary about "why" I keep attracting toxic people where I must set very firm boundaries. I can never be off-guard around them, and I need to work very hard at that, which can be exhausting. I'm tired of feeling as if I don't fit in anywhere. I do have a few fairly good friends - who are somewhat like me - that I meet for dinner and movie, or a hike. Am not totally comfortable with how I am, but am not willing to do very much about it because I know it would be too uncomfortable for me to venture out like that. At my age, I won't be around much longer anyway. I am curious to find out what it is like on 'the other side'...if that is even possible. I really don't know...no one does know this for certain.
Meanwhile, I am enjoying life as much as is possible for someone like me. Some days I am very happy....like when I go to the botanic gardens and can be among the green-growing things, and the koi pond. Or when I can be around our furry friends. Other days, I am not so happy. I just exist and go through the motions of being. Thanks to everyone who posted here....it helps to be with people who understand to a certain degree. All for now. Cheerio!
I may be an empath too. I don't like socializing in groups, unless all are getting along well and happy people. I take in the room of people and I see what's going on in the social and emotional dynamics and its overwhelming.
I am glad you are doing all right, six years later.
Isn't it a bit strange and/or humorous to read things, years after, that we posted on City Data.
Sometimes I see how far I've come -- and other times I see how far I haven't progressed. But I always find the very old posts very interestng.
I wish you well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 'M'
Amazing that I ran across this thread exactly 6 years to the day I posted the first time. Strictly coincidence. My life hasn't changed much since my first post.
Although I have reached the conclusion that I miss being around people I like, but wouldn't want to be around "just anyone" for the sake of having someone "there". The people I do miss are my father's mother, my grandmother. Her sisters, my great aunts. My aunt and uncle. Not so much their spouses. My grandmother's same-age neighbors throughout her neighborhood, who were her peers. Grandmother's friends, who were wonderful people. There are other family members I miss, too, like my father, who I adored. For some reason the people I just mentioned had "it"....they were caring, very kind and warm, very special people. I have recently become aware that these people were a gift and I am very fortunate to have known them for as long as I did. But not particularly my brother or sister, their spouses, or our mother and step-father.
Why I am this way, no idea!! It wasn't a choice, it's just how I am by nature. I can see my nature in photos of me when I was ages 3 and 7.
Here is an awareness I've had since my post in 2013 ... during the past year or two: I have had many romantic relationships throughout my life, and not one of them treated me well. I, however, did treat all of them very well, and enjoyed doing so. I would not change that and try to remember the good times we had. But overall, did not enjoy their treatment of me. So I say 'bah-humbug!' to all that. My people-picker is severely broken. I would like to see these favorite family member-types once in a while, but not every day. Uncomfortable around chatterboxes with mindless chatter, or even people who are intelligent and have a need to talk constantly. I begin to feel a form of assault when even intelligent people do a lot of talking .... have noticed people who are in a certain profession tend to like talking all the time, non-stop. They are amazing in that as soon as one sentence ends, they can immediately begin another sentence without taking a breath. Sometimes I find myself in a trance, watching their lips as they go from one sentence to the other. I do not enjoy people who have never tried to better themselves, or even realize that they could better themselves, who are like sheep and follow whoever is the personality du jour. As an empath, it is too painful to be around people who focus on lack instead of looking at how they created their own world of lack. Ha-ha! I could be one of those people myself after writing all of this. Although, seriously, there is a lot I have in my life that was built by hard work, and from paying attention to my intuitive nature, not by a focus on lack. I appreciate all that I have. I get this from my dear grandmother and her two dear sisters.
Some distant relatives attacked me on social media...so out they went to the blocked group. They get one chance, and they are gone. Good riddance. My social media accounts are professional and positive. And want to keep them that way. My brother attacked me via phone call. I know his wife was behind that because she nags him. Then he unfriended me (I know she nagged him until he did it) because I don't put up with abusive social media behavior aka his immediate relatives, who are toxic. He did not start his life this way and was one of the most positive people ... but when a spouse is toxic, it can literally rub off, especially if there is constant nagging. This made me very sad, to lose my brother. Will call him in a few months. He is married to a highly toxic woman as is my sister's husband. All 3 of us have been attracted to this type of romantic relationship. The family curse. We began as very good, solid people, and it went downhill.
Discovered I'm not an Aspie, I'm an empath. Very intuitive and psychic, even. So am too sensitive to other people's energy. Psychically, I can read people very well, and predict their behavior(s). I am a member of some closed groups on social media...mostly empath groups, that are very supportive for people like me. It helps that we don't meet each other face-to-face...having that automatic boundary is good for me since my people-picker is so broken. I don't allow people to get too close to me unless I have been able to get to know who they really are.
Still working in a field 4 days/week where I must work around people all the time, so I enjoy my downtime immensely. Enjoy my clients - up to a certain point - and am very wary of them and their families because they can turn toxic in a flash. Once you get to know them on deeply personal levels, probably 2 out of 3 families are toxic. Our world is not the same world it was 40-50-60 years ago. Sometimes I casually - sometimes more than casually - think about ending my life because I am always in such a quandary about "why" I keep attracting toxic people where I must set very firm boundaries. I can never be off-guard around them, and I need to work very hard at that, which can be exhausting. I'm tired of feeling as if I don't fit in anywhere. I do have a few fairly good friends - who are somewhat like me - that I meet for dinner and movie, or a hike. Am not totally comfortable with how I am, but am not willing to do very much about it because I know it would be too uncomfortable for me to venture out like that. At my age, I won't be around much longer anyway. I am curious to find out what it is like on 'the other side'...if that is even possible. I really don't know...no one does know this for certain.
Meanwhile, I am enjoying life as much as is possible for someone like me. Some days I am very happy....like when I go to the botanic gardens and can be among the green-growing things, and the koi pond. Or when I can be around our furry friends. Other days, I am not so happy. I just exist and go through the motions of being. Thanks to everyone who posted here....it helps to be with people who understand to a certain degree. All for now. Cheerio!
Now I have no kind of anxiety, social disorders, depression, etc., but I love alone time & understand the need for it too!
I've lived in my city for now about 30 yrs (a city about an hour from L.A. in California) & it was nice for the first 1/2 at least, but it's ALWAYS continuously been constructing the whole 30 yrs. For the last 2 yrs I'd say, I can really see & feel the overpopulation now. They're using every centimeter of land to build more apt complexes & warehouses.
Every darn weekend is almost unenjoyable anymore & almost forget going to the movies, shopping malls, & other fun places unless you're there at opening time & just stay for 1-2 hrs. It feels like Black Friday all the time everywhere! They need a TON more restaurants, malls, movie theatres, etc. to accommodate everyone.
I am very much triggered by being around others. It's like an envy. Being made to watch others have fun and live the life you can't live
How sad. What about enjoying the life you have? If being happen depends on others -- well, I just don't get it.
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