Nice weather in Mass...suddenly people in Mass are friendly? (Boston: job transfer, living)

[ColorsOfMe]

I just think it's funny when New England folks try and justify their "reserved" personalities by saying that southerners are "over friendly". I suppose we should pull out the proverbial swords and shields.

[Champ le monstre du lac]

Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe

I just think it's funny when New England folks try and justify their "reserved" personalities by saying that southerners are "over friendly". I suppose we should pull out the proverbial swords and shields.

I'll tell you what, the same reason you justify your own opinions. If you think we're all reserved in Mass then you truly don't get out much. And it seems you have been missing the whole point many others have made on this thread. You get what you put out. It's not that hard to break the ice around here. I'm sorry it's not working out for you in Boston but I'm a bettin you would be taking that with to wherever you go next.

Go to all fifty states on this C-D site and I'm sure you will see people knockin character flaws on all the states. I think it's clear which side of the fence you're on. You can make good friends in Massachusetts or anywhere else but the choice is yours.

[ColorsOfMe]

Originally Posted by caphillsea77

I'll tell you what, the same reason you justify your own opinions. If you think we're all reserved in Mass then you truly don't get out much. And it seems you have been missing the whole point many others have made on this thread. You get what you put out. It's not that hard to break the ice around here. I'm sorry it's not working out for you in Boston but I'm a bettin you would be taking that with to wherever you go next.

Go to all fifty states on this C-D site and I'm sure you will see people knockin character flaws on all the states. I think it's clear which side of the fence you're on. You can make good friends in Massachusetts or anywhere else but the choice is yours.

If you read my posts you would see that I don't live in Boston anymore, and I'm SO much happier for it.

Would you disagree that, by and large, the southerners think of New England'ers as "cold and "unfriendly"?

[RLCMA]

Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe

If you read my posts you would see that I don't live in Boston anymore, and I'm SO much happier for it.

Would you disagree that, by and large, the southerners think of New England'ers as "cold and "unfriendly"?

Why should anyone care what southerners think of us or vice versa? I could care less what anybody thinks about me. Everyone is different. I only care what my friends and family think of me. Strangers opinions mean nothing. The very fact you keep bringing this subject up tells me you're just a negative person and misery needs company so you post on here trying to rile people up who don't care what southerners think of them nor do they have any opinions of southerners. You need to realize that geography does NOT play a role in friendliness. I've never heard of something so absurd in my life.

[Champ le monstre du lac]

Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe

If you read my posts you would see that I don't live in Boston anymore, and I'm SO much happier for it.

Would you disagree that, by and large, the southerners think of New England'ers as "cold and "unfriendly"?

Funny, for one you don't come across as happy at all otherwise what would compell you to have such a vendetta. Also I go to NC very often as my sister lives there and I have never come across a New England vendetta there myself. I've been to Atlanta and encountered rude drivers and Debbie downers like anyplace else but also met people some very fine people, some of whom had been to Boston and loved it. You miss everybody's point and insist upon your self defeating prophecy. It's all you man.

[holden125]

Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe

If you read my posts you would see that I don't live in Boston anymore, and I'm SO much happier for it.

Good for you. Then why lurk on a Mass. board?

Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe

Would you disagree that, by and large, the southerners think of New England'ers as "cold and "unfriendly"?

Would you disagree that, by and large, New Englanders do not care what southerners think of them? And could come up with equally, or more, unflattering generalizations about southerners if they were in a generalizing mood?

[RLCMA]

We need to put this whole subject to rest because it is just silly. It's amazing how many of us reply to negative posts. Perhaps we just like a little bit of online drama once in a while. HAHA!! I look at people as individuals and not as a generalization. Some people are nice and friendly and others aren't. It doesn't matter if they live in SC, Boston, or Timbuktu. People are people. I prefer to spend my time conversing with positive people. If I run into a negative person I just move on without even thinking about the encounter afterwards. Obviously some people take rudeness personally when in fact it isn't.

[kell5252]

Hello Colors of Me,
I read your post that ended in "earning the right to a friendship" and I understand just what you are talking about. This expression you have used expresses something I have experienced and tried to make sense of myself, and it's refreshing to hear someone put it into words. I am a first generation American and moved to New England when I was 10. A lot of my values came from my parents who were not New Englanders and did not have the ways of New Englanders. I have been confused by people in New England and many (not all) having a perverse approach to making friends. I have known aquaintances in the community, work, school etc. who say nasty insulting things to me, put downs and generally being disrespectful. Not just joking stuff either. Really ugly stuff. Then 6 months or a year go by or more, and one of these people starts to warm up to me, and says something to me along the lines of indicating that they really like me as a friend, I've passed some kind of test with them, that they have feelings of friendship for me. Wow -- is this the part where I'm supposed to roll over and thank my lucky starts that the person who has been disrespecting me and nasty to me is showing me their inner most feelings, and revealing a warmer side of their personality to me? You are right, People, in the South (and I have lived there) do not make friend this way. In order to build a healthy friendship, you start off on the right foot, be nice and kind and understanding and respectful. Or at the very least, just don't be nasty. Wow, should that really be so difficult? I've experienced this time and time again in New England, someone who has been nasty to me eventually lets me know that I've now passed some kind of test and they now deem me worthy of their friendship. I don't consider this healthy, they've created mistrust and negative feelings by their behavior, that's not the basis for any kind of friendship.
Okay, now I'm done my "rant".

[Champ le monstre du lac]

Originally Posted by kell5252

Hello Colors of Me,
I read your post that ended in "earning the right to a friendship" and I understand just what you are talking about. This expression you have used expresses something I have experienced and tried to make sense of myself, and it's refreshing to hear someone put it into words. I am a first generation American and moved to New England when I was 10. A lot of my values came from my parents who were not New Englanders and did not have the ways of New Englanders. I have been confused by people in New England and many (not all) having a perverse approach to making friends. I have known aquaintances in the community, work, school etc. who say nasty insulting things to me, put downs and generally being disrespectful. Not just joking stuff either. Really ugly stuff. Then 6 months or a year go by or more, and one of these people starts to warm up to me, and says something to me along the lines of indicating that they really like me as a friend, I've passed some kind of test with them, that they have feelings of friendship for me. Wow -- is this the part where I'm supposed to roll over and thank my lucky starts that the person who has been disrespecting me and nasty to me is showing me their inner most feelings, and revealing a warmer side of their personality to me? You are right, People, in the South (and I have lived there) do not make friend this way. In order to build a healthy friendship, you start off on the right foot, be nice and kind and understanding and respectful. Or at the very least, just don't be nasty. Wow, should that really be so difficult? I've experienced this time and time again in New England, someone who has been nasty to me eventually lets me know that I've now passed some kind of test and they now deem me worthy of their friendship. I don't consider this healthy, they've created mistrust and negative feelings by their behavior, that's not the basis for any kind of friendship.
Okay, now I'm done my "rant".

It sounds more like this person was bipolar rather than a regional character flaw. I knew a Texan that treated me the same way, believe me they are a highly opinionated bunch down there too.

[lrfox]

That seems about right. I tend to pick my friends by throwing insults and other degrading words at them until the breaking point of most people. If they don't crack and have to be institutionalized or move to the sane, friendly, confines of one of those Southern states, then they pass and can call themselves my friend (when spoken to first, of course... we can't have people running around proclaiming friendship everywhere). This technique was passed down to me from those that are now closest to me in New England (I'm not a native born New Englander). I passed the test for some of them and am now accepted as a "friend". Unfortunately, I'm one of the lucky few... we lost a lot of good men and women along the way.

That's the only way to find friends here in New England which is why you may have experienced that attitude from your coworker (congratulations on passing, by the way! You must be thrilled! Was the celebration enjoyable?). It would most certainly have nothing to do with that person being a complete nut job/ jerk. We're all just like him when trying to weed out good friends from bad ones.