Considering a move back to ME - where would I fit in? (Portland: houses, buying)

[mamamd]

Hi folks, I'm going to lay myself bare so please don't just judge, just trying to be specific so I can get specific advice -- I appreciate the help in advance!



Some background: I grew up in Maine in one of the wealthy Portland-area suburbs. I went off to a out of state college and then graduate school and have since lived in various large east coast cities for my professional life (Boston, DC, and now NYC). I haven't lived in Maine for nearly 20 years (my family has also left the area) and could never have imagined moving back when I left at age 17, but now I find myself longing for it. We have two young children (under 5). I work in health care and can find work anywhere, and my husband is in tech and can work remotely. As my babies get a bit older I am longing for more nature and simplicity, for both them and me, so Maine is calling me.



The question is -- what town/community to live in? Especially with a family, I know your town becomes your whole world in a lot of ways so I'm trying to find a place where we will fit in. I know things have changed a bit in the last two decades (though probably no that much..) and I really appreciate your insights.



In summary: we are currently big city people but longing to get back to nature, with Maine ties but still "from away" to any real Mainer. We would like a family friendly coastal town near(ish) to the quality of the Cape/Falmouth/Yarmouth schools but less preppy and overtly wealthy, more geographically adventurous to go up and down the coast for something a little more funky. Wanting some of the best parts of urban culture/liberalism while OF COURSE understanding that Maine is never going to be Brooklyn.


Here are a few more specific thoughts, in no particular order:


1.) Anything along the coast between about Saco and Belfast. We don't have to have a house on the ocean, but I want part of the town on the ocean and to at least drive by it as part of my daily life. I wish I didn't feel so strongly about it, but even somewhere like Gorham feels too inland for me.



2.) NOT Falmouth, Yarmouth, Cape Elizabeth. I grew up in one of these towns and while they are beautiful I am really turned off by the wealthy culture. We could probably could afford to live in one of these towns if we wanted to (might be a bit of a stretch), but we're low key people and want to live more modestly and don't think we'd fit into these preppy towns at all.



3.) Still, of course we'd like a family-oriented town with decent schools. They don't have to be the #1 school districts listed above, but public schools that have high rates of students going to college after graduation, where teachers love to work, where students can leave the state for college if they want to, opportunities for APs and some music/arts, etc. (Again, I don't know the state so well these days but Scarborough school district, Camden Hills Regional Schools, or the public school district that includes Thornton Academy seemed like great quality to me when I was a student in the area myself two decades ago.)



4.) FYI, don't need to consider commute time or proximity to Portland or anything. As I said, we can work from anywhere. The swath of coast I've mentioned is all close enough to Portland for me.


5.) Accepting of a stay-at-home dads. I know times have changed everywhere, but when I grew up in one of the towns mentioned above I had a working mom and a stay at home dad and we never really fit in. (A working dad and part-time or stay-at-home soccer mom was the norm.) While both of us work now, when we move to Maine it might be possible for my husband to take some time away from work and I'd like to be in a town where it's normal to be an involved dad. (Also, accepting of families with no dads, or no moms! A place where LGBTQ families are welcome is probably a place I would feel welcome.)



6.) Somewhere that accepts people from away. Though I grew up in Maine my family was "from away," this was fine in our Portland suburb but I worry that in some of the smaller towns that are otherwise beautiful and attractive (like in Midcoast) we wont' be able to find friends. Having been away for so long I don't think I'd been seen as a Mainer (and don't honestly feel like one at this point), nor would my husband.



7.) Some intellectual culture. This is hard to define, and maybe less important now that there's Zoom and more opportunities for online community, but it'd be nice to have, say, a local book store where authors sometimes speak, and where we could meet others who are into that kind of thing. Maybe Brunswick would be nice for college-associated events?


8.) Good local farms and/or farmers' markets. We're dying to get more fresh deliciousness in our lives (and also would love to have our own big garden and maybe some chickens or goats).


9.) Beautiful nature goes without saying, but I think all of this area is stunning. We imagine spending our weekends hiking some small trails with the kids, or exploring tidepools at local beaches.


10.) Safe goes without saying, but again I think all of this area generally is.



11.) Racially diverse? This might be a longshot. We are white but we're used to living in big cities and find it really jarring when we come back to Maine just how very white it is (though this has definitely changed in the Portland area over the years). I want to at least be in a town that would welcome families that aren't white.

[WhoFanMe]

Originally Posted by mamamd

Hi folks, I'm going to lay myself bare so please don't just judge, just trying to be specific so I can get specific advice -- I appreciate the help in advance!



Some background: I grew up in Maine in one of the wealthy Portland-area suburbs. I went off to a out of state college and then graduate school and have since lived in various large east coast cities for my professional life (Boston, DC, and now NYC). I haven't lived in Maine for nearly 20 years (my family has also left the area) and could never have imagined moving back when I left at age 17, but now I find myself longing for it. We have two young children (under 5). I work in health care and can find work anywhere, and my husband is in tech and can work remotely. As my babies get a bit older I am longing for more nature and simplicity, for both them and me, so Maine is calling me.



The question is -- what town/community to live in? Especially with a family, I know your town becomes your whole world in a lot of ways so I'm trying to find a place where we will fit in. I know things have changed a bit in the last two decades (though probably no that much..) and I really appreciate your insights.



In summary: we are currently big city people but longing to get back to nature, with Maine ties but still "from away" to any real Mainer. We would like a family friendly coastal town near(ish) to the quality of the Cape/Falmouth/Yarmouth schools but less preppy and overtly wealthy, more geographically adventurous to go up and down the coast for something a little more funky. Wanting some of the best parts of urban culture/liberalism while OF COURSE understanding that Maine is never going to be Brooklyn.


Here are a few more specific thoughts, in no particular order:


1.) Anything along the coast between about Saco and Belfast. We don't have to have a house on the ocean, but I want part of the town on the ocean and to at least drive by it as part of my daily life. I wish I didn't feel so strongly about it, but even somewhere like Gorham feels too inland for me.



2.) NOT Falmouth, Yarmouth, Cape Elizabeth. I grew up in one of these towns and while they are beautiful I am really turned off by the wealthy culture. We could probably could afford to live in one of these towns if we wanted to (might be a bit of a stretch), but we're low key people and want to live more modestly and don't think we'd fit into these preppy towns at all.



3.) Still, of course we'd like a family-oriented town with decent schools. They don't have to be the #1 school districts listed above, but public schools that have high rates of students going to college after graduation, where teachers love to work, where students can leave the state for college if they want to, opportunities for APs and some music/arts, etc. (Again, I don't know the state so well these days but Scarborough school district, Camden Hills Regional Schools, or the public school district that includes Thornton Academy seemed like great quality to me when I was a student in the area myself two decades ago.)



4.) FYI, don't need to consider commute time or proximity to Portland or anything. As I said, we can work from anywhere. The swath of coast I've mentioned is all close enough to Portland for me.


5.) Accepting of a stay-at-home dads. I know times have changed everywhere, but when I grew up in one of the towns mentioned above I had a working mom and a stay at home dad and we never really fit in. (A working dad and part-time or stay-at-home soccer mom was the norm.) While both of us work now, when we move to Maine it might be possible for my husband to take some time away from work and I'd like to be in a town where it's normal to be an involved dad. (Also, accepting of families with no dads, or no moms! A place where LGBTQ families are welcome is probably a place I would feel welcome.)



6.) Somewhere that accepts people from away. Though I grew up in Maine my family was "from away," this was fine in our Portland suburb but I worry that in some of the smaller towns that are otherwise beautiful and attractive (like in Midcoast) we wont' be able to find friends. Having been away for so long I don't think I'd been seen as a Mainer (and don't honestly feel like one at this point), nor would my husband.



7.) Some intellectual culture. This is hard to define, and maybe less important now that there's Zoom and more opportunities for online community, but it'd be nice to have, say, a local book store where authors sometimes speak, and where we could meet others who are into that kind of thing. Maybe Brunswick would be nice for college-associated events?


8.) Good local farms and/or farmers' markets. We're dying to get more fresh deliciousness in our lives (and also would love to have our own big garden and maybe some chickens or goats).


9.) Beautiful nature goes without saying, but I think all of this area is stunning. We imagine spending our weekends hiking some small trails with the kids, or exploring tidepools at local beaches.


10.) Safe goes without saying, but again I think all of this area generally is.



11.) Racially diverse? This might be a longshot. We are white but we're used to living in big cities and find it really jarring when we come back to Maine just how very white it is (though this has definitely changed in the Portland area over the years). I want to at least be in a town that would welcome families that aren't white.

I would suggest Cumberland/North Yarmouth, possibly Freeport to the North, Saco and Scarborough to the South would be good places to start.

[mamamd]

Thank you! I realize I had an insanely long post and I appreciate you reading through it and replying thoughtfully

[phoebesmom]

Belfast or Blue Hill if you don't want a bigger town! As a doctor, you will have a wonderful life anywhere in Maine, but Belfast would be my choice.

My son is a stay at home dad in Portland and has had complete acceptance.

[umograd83]

Brunswick

[mamamd]

Thank you for all of the recs, keep them coming! I love midcoast so it's great to hear some suggestions further up the coast, I will check these towns out!

[tarragon]

Maine has pretty lakes and ponds. I live on a lake but in 45 minutes I can be at the ocean. I wake up to eagles, awesome birds, otters in the winter, fantastic sunrises, and sunsets. You should check out the Belgrade Lakes, China Lake areas. A lot of Dr's who want small-town living, live in these areas.

[gf2020]

Brunswick

[roadrat]

Good luck finding a home to buy, the market is insane right now. Anyone with more than a dozen brain cells is bolting out of the cities and buying up anything and everything.
Houses on the coast are getting bids $100,000 over asking price with no inspection/site unseen.

[Driver 47]

Any place the kids can run and play safely would be my suggestion. Don't feel guilty about any perceived lack of diversity. Maine is mostly white. I have nothing against people of color. Public attitudes change in 20 years. I believe you'd all be welcome. Priority should be a safe nurturing environment for your kids. Best wishes.