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I love Maine. I never regretted leaving everything I knew for 61 years and moving 800 miles north to a place that I didn't know hardly anyone.
But I wonder if people up here don't understand "the invited for dinner protocol".
Where I came from, if someone invited you to their house for dinner, it was a big thing. You knew that they had probably cleaned their whole house and spent at least 2 -3 hours making the dinner. If you asked what you could bring and they said a salad, then you brought a big classy salad. Usually you brought a bottle of wine of some kind as a heath-warming gift.
And when you arrived you made for sure that you knew where they lived so that you got there on time. You didn't show up later than 5or ten minutes at the outside. Showing up an hour late without calling was considered extreme faux pas.
And when you got there, you owed them at least 2.5 hours, even if you didn't get along really great. You didn't leave as soon as you ate the dinner they made for you, complete with appetizers, main course, and dessert.
And then, you knew that even if you really didn't hit it off, you owed them a return dinner .
I have run into too many people who don't understand any of these protocols. They show up as much as an hour late with lots of dumb excuses. The leave after only 90 minutes of which more than an hours is spent in their eating your food. They bring a salad that will fit in a breakfast bowl. They make no conversation except to talk about their kids---any other subjects far like lead balloons.
And after you did all this for them in the hope of developing a relationship, you never hear from them again.
I'm hoping that I just have made a series of really bad selections of possible friendships, but I'm beginning to wonder if people up here don't understand the "the invited for dinner protocol", after all.
Where I came from
^From above, maybe that's where it all started to go wrong.
I think your post represents more urban areas, not more rural. As you even later stated here that it is a little puzzling that you really live with more 'urban turned rural' folks in you community. Perhaps when one leaves their "from" place and ends up in Maine, the manners of society seem less important amongst the trees and clean air and water. I don't know, just speculating. I can only imagine that if I was a neighbor, you'd be ok with me "popping in" just about dinner time a couple days a week. I might not have some wine or time to spend after the food is all gone but I will always come up with a couple anecdotes, family gossip or mental entertainment that may just help make up for my bad manners.
I can see that you are just asking and that you love Maine and it's people and would like some positive feedback about manners. I think that some people have little to none and were never taught. Or they were taught and just forgot what they used to know. Assuming things, taking for granted, taking advantage or just taking. That's just the way some people are in our neighborhoods.
I mean, I guess we have to start with WHO are these people that you invite to dinner and WHY did you invite them in the first place? Most of your complaints seem to indicate these are people that you don't know very well ("don't really get along", "never hear from again", "don't have anything in common to make conversation with so they just talk about their kids instead") - so maybe you're being too quick to invite guests. Maybe hang out with them a few more times at a neutral location to determine if they are people you actually want to get to know and invite over.
I've gotten enough feed back on this topic. Just letting anyone who is still posting on it that I'm not coming back. I've explained things already several times that people are asking me to do, and that I've already done.
So again, since I noticed that people are still replying to the thread, I(the original thread starter), am not returning.
You'll have to talk among your selves now, as they say in workshops when the presenter goes to the bathroom.
I guess I'm not big on social graces. I never judges my friends on how long they stayed, what they brought or whether they reciprocated. Oh- and I do have friends in low places.
Deleted a number of gratuitous posts. Thread closed.
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