neighborly? (shop, food, land)

[rossco17]

Thanks for the replies. I really wasn't calling anyone socially inept; just recounting other posts of the same subject. I'm sorry if anyone was offended.

[maine4.us]

Most people who consider a move to Maine are looking for something they have lost in their present location. They may be tired of traffic gridlock, tired of their present climate, or just have happy feet and need to move on. They may be raising children in a place that is not great for kids. They may want some wide open spaces and move to an unorganized territory. Whatever draws people to Maine? That is a question with lots of answers. We could start a thread on 'the call to Maine' and get a good idea of peoples motives.

Myself, I wanted a colder, note not cooler climate. I wanted to find a small town to become a part of. I wanted the wide open space feeling, while even in a small town in downeast Maine. A five minute drive and you are in the deep woods.

It all depends on the person. I am an outgoing, strike up a conversation with strangers type of person. I was met with smiles, questions about myself, and what brought me to town. Staying in a local B & B for a week really helped. I got a chance to meet the local, and even established a nightly hangout in town. It was such a great visit, that we bought a home. My wife and I had been looking for a small house for several years, we only had to find the place. Out of the blue, (actually oppressive heat), we booked two tickets to Manchester, and rented a car. We drove up 95 to Bangor and crossed 9 to Calais and then down to Eastport. We knew what we wanted ahead of time. 1) small town 2) water everywhere 3) a town at the end of the road, a town that people go to and not through. We did our homework, and that was all we needed.

Sorry, but back on thread now. We have yet to meet a person who was unfriendly, cold, and standoffish. We know quite a few people in town, and have meet here on CD quite a few more. All warm, always ready to answer a "newbie" question. What more can you ask for? Will Maine be a change? Youbetcha. Am I ready for a change, Youbetcha.

[corgis]

I have to agree, the term 'social inept' means different things to different people and I'm thinking that Roscoe's interpretation is different than mine. He's simply worried about not being able to 'fit in' so to speak. There are rude, obnoxious people in Maine and every other state, there's sure a bunch of them here in WV, but I digress.

Roscoe - In my going on 5 years owning a house in Eastport, I have only run into 1 person that was less than pleasant to me. I'm not pushy or aggressive, I smile and wave to everyone whether they wave back or not, I ask questions about my new town and never, never compare it to where I came from. I never suggest the town would be better if they had a particular store or industry, I never start a conversation with ".........where I come from.......". I am in Eastport because I don't like where I'm from now, I embrace the Eastport culture just as you will embrace the culture of anywhere in Maine you decide to put down roots.

The only person that's been less than pleasant to me was a woman walking by my house, saw me on the deck and proceeded to lecture me on "people from away who think they can come in here and buy up all the houses meant for local people". I was astounded that she would say something like that, but when I told other locals what she said, they said she was on state assistance and had hoped to rent my house for 30% of her assistance money and the owner of the house wanted to sell it. Thus, she held me responsible for her not getting to rent a house cheaply. Now that I understand, I take no offense at her comments.

You'll do fine if you all just be yourselves and embrace the Maine culture and opportunities for learning about your new, adopted town or city.

[elston]

This conversation about moving into a new area reminds me of a family story about when I was a kid and my folks moved from very small town New England to Cincinnati Ohio. They had never lived nor traveled outside of the Northeast before. Dad was a minister, and this was a much bigger church and we all wanted to make a good impression.

At the first church social supper (to welcome us I suppose) Mom went to help the ladies in the kitchen. (That was the 1950's and yes it definately was the ladies in the kitchen in those pre-liberation days). When she asked what she could do to help, she was told, "We'll its all pretty much ready, I got the potato salad in the oven to keep warm and the beans are in the fridgidaire to keep them nice and cold". Mom felt like she had fallen into Alice's rabbits hole to Wonderland.....but before the night was over had several recipes for Hot German Potato salad, and Hot Slaw. The beans we also got used to, especially Dad who (as a Mainer) already enjoyed a cold bean sandwich from time to time with sugar and vinegar.

I guess my story is about relaxing and going with the flow and like others have said, getting to appreciate the local ways and culture. That doesnt mean that you can't enjoy your own family traditions and that there is something wrong with having a life before Maine. I am a friendly person and smile and wave at almost everyone....unless they are casting their eyes away or crossing the street to avoid me. I have lived in many regions and states and traveled extensively in Japan. I have never had a problem meeting people and making friends. People have known that I was not a local.....I'm not a local anywhere, but it has never got in the way of friendship.

[Northern Maine Land Man]

I can't define Northern Maine socially. I don't see the back yard barbeque NFL back slapping social scene. The participants in that type of group would never back each other up in a pinch. The whole thing appears to be phony from my point of view. Up here if somebody is in a bind their friends and neighbors just appear out of nowhere to do what needs to be done. A neighbor of mine was killed in a wreck in November. He had 9 beagles. The next day at least five people showed up to feed and water those dogs. Nobody asked. There was no committee. It just needed to be done until his family could get here and make arrangements.

As I look back at the original post in this thread, from my point of view there is no social scene per se. There are churches, snowmobile clubs, school functions and fire department suppers. The nearest bar is a long way from here. I heard there is a night club in Bangor, but have no idea where it is. I hope that doesn't make me "inept".

- - -

"enjoyed a cold bean sandwich from time to time"

My favorite sandwich is cold baked beans with crisp bacon and a thin slice of sharp cheddar cheese and a thin slice of onion on raisin bread. Now, that's hearty for a day of hunting. The cheese goes between the beans and the bacon to keep the bacon crisp and the thin slice of onion on the other side keeps the bread from soaking up any bean juice. Mmmm good.

[Bydand]

I think you hit the nail on the head NMLM. Not a large "social" scene here like other places I have lived, but those who call you friend, will have your back right into the fires of hell itself if they thought you needed them there.

[elston]

NMLM your version of my dad's sandwich sound wonderful! I will definately have to make one and in the order specified for the structure and the function of each ingredient. I love the way you describe it!!!! I have long known that the value of using spreads or ingredients to seal the bread from the inside! I guess you have a definate top and bottom of that sandwich.....onion side down.

[Northern Maine Land Man]

This sandwich is best eaten if you are going to be outdoors for a while.

In Lincoln on the third Thursday of each July they have the River Driver's Supper. They have beanhole beans, biscuits, cole slaw and old time molasses cookies. About 3,500 people show up. It is all part of Homecoming Weekend when those who have left to find a higher income come home to renew old acquaintances. It's a fine time.

One year they had a folk group called North of the Waldo Patent who told stories, jokes and did some of the old time songs of Maine. Virtually all of the audience had been to the public supper. I mentioned this to the group before the show and made them aware that the person who had scheduled this was from away. I pointed out that nobody who had been brought up here would put 800 people who had just stuffed themselves with baked beans all in the same room.

Part way through the show, people began to fidget. They leaned left and right and finally one lady over on the right produced a little musical toot. Now nobody else had to be the first one and it all went down hill from there. The actors putting on the show made significant mention of the person who had done the scheduling and made sure that doors were open for some cross ventilation.

[Submariner]

Some friendly new-comer to Maine recently said these things about moving to Maine, [and how to get aong with their fellow Mainiacs]:

What social groups do you belong to?

Have you joined the Elks?

I have gotten right into the American Legion, and VFW ...

I have attended the Masonic lodge and church.

These are the friendliest folks.

And in another thread:

The Maine that I have experienced has been very friendly and open.

Do you belong to a church?

A fraternity?

Are YOU active in the schools?

I have spent my entire adult life, moving into new communities every couple of years, learning to make my way around in them, and trying to fit in.

So far Maine has been very friendly to us.

But again, I went and got active in the lodge, and the Legion and at the post; we joined the farmer's market.

Just yesterday, I picked up a hitch-hiker, who turned out to be a neighbor.

Now I have made yet one more friend

When any of my goats get lose, and a neighbor brings one of them home again; I go to their home and give them a dozen of our hen's eggs. Making friends !

By and large, folks will treat you like a mirror. If you are not friendly, then they will mirror your coldness back at you.

And in yet another thread:

Which groups have you joined?

Have you gotten involved with the volunteer fire department?

Do you participate in the school district?

Do you include yourself at the Legion? Lodge? Grange? or in a church?

How have you included yourself into the community?

Do you know your neighbors?

How many neighbors have you helped to dig a sewer? or to re-roof? or to chase down their lose livestock?

What I am asking is how have you gone out and became a part of your new community?

[elston]

I have been giving this thread a good deal of thought and energy. What does it mean to move from one community to another. What is "community"? What are the reasonable reciprocal expectations and things of that nature.

At church this morning the opening reading was by a teacher named Starhawk and it addressed some of the issues that were important to me. Not whether my neighbors would smile and say "hi" or "howdy" and not advice on how to "fit in". I couldnt quite put my finger on it until serendipitously the minister started off saying,

"We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been-a place half-remembered and half envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community, somewhere there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free."

I guess the answer for me is that community isnt a place you move to, it is a circle of comfort and belong that we can create by weaving the tapestry with our heartstrands, by investing in others. I won't look for that in any piece of geography be it, Portland or Bangor or even the friendly hamlet of Milo ; I will seek it in the quality of relationships with family and with friends I have and will meet and in parishioners with who I share a pew and others--with neighbors whom I work to make things just a little better.

I feel so much better.