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No. Just thinking. This is very hard for him. But, I have been a bit chilly, and he has worked on meeting me halfway. Leaving is never going to happen. For many reasons. This is a commitment, so some stuff is not in the way of that...
Things take time. This is not, "denial", at our age, no one is seeking the "love of their life", been there, done that.
It is all a process. And change is difficult. One day at a time. No rush.
It sure takes time to do this stuff.
No one else has to understand, but I am not going any where...
Life has sort of forced me to "let go" of things. For example I felt I was taking good care of our car. It was a little older but I kept it serviced and really didn't drive far...Not too long after my husband died my car had a blown head gasket and was too costly to repair. Later my son found out (through the Internet) that that my make and model had a defect that could lead to a blown head gasket but the company wasn't forced to issue a full recall...I sold my truck to local friends right after my husband died. So I was able to visit my truck and even ride in it at times. (With my friends)...We had a freak storm last September the night before my son died. The winds were so bad they blew a chicken coop and other large items around in my friends' yard and demolished the truck...So many things have broken since my husband and son died. Or other "weird forces" have pushed me out of my "comfort zone."
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Everytime something that was "ours" needs to be replaced, it's a learning experience. My disposal, dishwasher and washer (all brand new in 2008--go figure) have died, and it was eye opening to realize how many choices there were, and price ranges. I got new appliances that were mid-priced and had only features I needed--not wanted. I also gave up my big, gas-guzzling car that had been our road trip car when we went to visit daughters and grand-kids. It was a tank, but it was a top of the line car and at five years old, had a trade-in value that was equal to the car I bought, so all I paid were taxes, etc., and got a 2012 close-out last January. I did so much research on what kind of car, what features I wanted (GPS was NOT necessary as I have an external one), how big, what accessories, how much it cost, and on and on. These experiences are all learning experiences. The appliances weren't sentimental or anything, but the car sure was. So many wonderful cross-country road trips--so many memories--it was sad, but financially necessary. I keep thinking that Bob would be proud of my decision making...
I'm sure Bob would be, Marcy. Isn't it amazing how you need to search for a car sans all the doo-dads? If GPS is anything with directions like Map Quest, I'll stop at a gas station and ask directions and hope an english speaking person is there.
Marcy...I can relate. I was attached to our family car too...Now I have another car that doesn't have all the memories and history, etc...It's a nice car and it suits my needs. When our Bunn coffeemaker went "out" I used my son's "deluxe" coffeemaker but it developed problems over time too. (Go figure!) So now I'm using a coffeemaker that doesn't have memories of the past...Life is all about survival and flexibility! This is what I'm learning anyway!
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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My coffee maker also died. Coffee was Bob's and my thing. We would make coffee the night before, set the timer, etc and come down to freshly brewed coffee. Loved it! But that was a Bob thing. He always made sure the coffee was made. Now, it's a Mom thing. More and more things are transitioning from "our" thing to "my" thing. Very sad...I still say to others that it's our snowbird house; "we" love it here, "our" son...in my mind it is still "our", "we",
Marcy...Having so many things "break" after my husband and son died was hard to "take." I tried my best to take care of things. (Like the car and the coffeemakers and the DVD player and everything else.)...But now I'm getting used to having to "start over" and buy new things. What else can I do?...Coffee was important to me and my husband too. And my husband always made sure the coffee was set to go off in the morning. (Before we woke-up.)...Now I make coffee when I wake-up. (In a half-dazed state.) Then I feed the cats.
I saw a show on HGN over the weekend that made a big impression on me...A couple had been living in the husband's grandparents' house for over 15 years. The husband never wanted to move. And he had his grandparents' knick-knacks and other possessions displayed all over the house...The wife had become angry and frustrated. And she started her own collection of "clutter" all over the house too. (To "get-even?")...It was as if they put "walls" and "barriers" up. (Between them.) And they argued about each others' "stuff."...Both of them were stubborn! But in the end they agreed to "start over" in a new (and bigger) house and seemed excited about entering a new chapter in their marriage.
Right now I am cleaning out more "stuff". I downsized to a double bed from the queen size we had and am packing up sheets, comforters and blankets for the local animal shelter. I'd rather have the animals get it than humans. I love animals, don't care as much for humans anymore. Animals need US to care for them, humans could help themselves if they wanted for the most part.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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My issue with "stuff" was in trying to combine two households...the house in Colorado with this condo which was already furnished. I tried to keep the best (most sentimental or loved) from each, but due to size constraints, had to make really hard choices and give some dearly loved things away. A few things were just too big for this condo, as it was 1/2 the size of the house. Quite a bit went to my oldest daughter, but a lot was given away. That was hard--parting with things that had a lot of sentimental value if no real financial value. Same with knick-knacks. I still have three large boxes of knick-knacks I have no room for, but I don't want to part with them. I know that when I die, the majority of the things I love will be of no interest to anyone else, and they'll be tossed. I guess if I'm dead I won't care...
As for coffee...my sil has a Keurig and it's great--expensive for the machine, and the K-cups are really expensive. It's cheaper to make a pot of coffee and toss it than to use Keurig...so I have learned to make about six cups (which is really three mugs) and set it to go off in the morning. The smell of fresh coffee brewing is a really warm fuzzy!!
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