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What are the differences between male and female mid-life crisis? Is it depression or a normal transition? What are some coping strategies to beat the challenges of middle age?
Last edited by csmsherry; 04-05-2010 at 08:36 PM..
Reason: change subject line
What are the differences between male and female mid-life crisis? Is it depression or a normal transition? What are some coping strategies to beat the challenges of middle age?
I'm really not sure what male mid-life crisis is supposed to be, but I could probably claim to be in it. I'm almost 50, married & chugging along well vocationally, and our kids are grown.
Is there something I'm supposed to be feeling here? Because I'm not sure what it is. Am I supposed to be unhappy? Because I'm not. No hankering to step out and have an affair. Life is good.
In my case it was mostly menopause, physical changes, empty nest syndrome, crazy emotions, rethinking what was important in life and what wasn't, and learning to embrace the future and accept the enevitable.
In my husbands case it was "Oh Hell No! I am NOT getting old! And I will ditch my stable, boring family and run around with single 20-somethings and get some chaos in my life to prove it!".
In my case it was mostly menopause, physical changes, empty nest syndrome, crazy emotions, rethinking what was important in life and what wasn't, and learning to embrace the future and accept the enevitable.
In my husbands case it was "Oh Hell No! I am NOT getting old! And I will ditch my stable, boring family and run around with single 20-somethings and get some chaos in my life to prove it!".
Needless to say our marriage didn't survive.
So sorry to hear that.
I told my wife that I either needed to have an affair, buy a red convertible sports car, or buy a motorcycle.
I knew she's kill me if I had an affair - and neither the affair nor my resulting death appealed greatly to me.
I knew I couldn't afford a new convertible sports car.
So I had no choice but to buy the new motorcycle!
I, of course, explained my reasoning to her after I bought the new cycle.
I have friends who call it the last chance with males and the I could be the Bit.. in the mercedes in feamles. males seem to see it as their last chance to be a stud. Feamles seem to think they would the the one in that mercedes if they had married their husbands. most endup worse than they were and find that they are were they should be. Much like people who think that the rich are just lucky.
I bought a motorcycle during this crisis. I did dumber things during the earlier ones. My tour in 'Nam was nearly an end life crisis. I like having crises every 5 to 7 years or so to stay in practice.
I don't think a mid-life crisis is required for men or women. If you've been living your life according to your values, then there's no reason for a crisis at mid-point. If you've been lumping along, doing what you think you're "supposed to do," then yeah, maybe a crisis of meaning. I mean, after all, it's obvious with each passing day (and birthday) that your youth is falling further behind you.
As for menopause, well, I guess it depends on the individual. I had no physical anything except a blessed relief from the feeling of being kicked in the stomach every month for 40 years for a function I never had any interest in (and therefore no empty nest to notice).
Anyway, statistical mid-life is a lot earlier than one's 50s. I suspect the "mid-life crisis" is another media/advertising invention, similar to the "biologic clock ticking"- which used to be assumed to be age 30, now is 40. What changed?
At midlife, many people try to "make right” what they perceive to be wrong in their lives. It is the time of “correction” before they’re too old to have a choice, too old to care. It is a journey sometimes called a “midlife transition” but more often referred to as a “midlife crisis.”
Like yourself, not all people experience this mid-life crisis. Midlifers sometimes try to flee their problems through things such as extramarital affairs, or to hide from them, maybe behind a bottle of alcohol. But these "fillers" may only provide temporary relief and will eventually cause much grief.
Finally, midlifers in crisis describe themselves as trapped in a dark tunnel with no light at the end. Fortunately, you can the see light at the end of the tunnel and your direction is clear. This is where your faith has prevailed. At midlife, we must decide what we believe in and struggle toward it even when our progress seems bleak.
I prefer the term "mid-life transition" rather than "mid-life crisis" because it is not all bad. During this mid-life transition, a period of growth can occur also. A mid-life transition can occur between the ages of 35 - 55. This is a time in life were people experience significant life events. Male or female mostly go through the same stages during a midlife transition: shock, denial, depression, anger, and acceptance. But it looks different in both genders. Men go through midlife crisis because they reach a certain age and realize that life is passing them by. Women, on the other hand, reach a certain age and find they finally have the opportunity to do all the things in life she has put off doing while caring for her family and she experiences menopause.
People who live their lives fulfilling their dreams and with a purpose are less likely to experience a transition/crisis at midlife. People who put little thought into what they want out of life and more thought into taking care of others are more likely to experience a transition/crisis at midlife.
Any crisis is an opportunity for growth. If your spouse is a person who is able to look internally and use the changes in a healthy way you will both profit from each other experiences. If your spouse is not a person who is able to do some internal investigation and use the changes he/she is experiencing then, hold on because the ride will get bumpy and you will both suffer the consequences.
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