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I notice in America, men are generally happy being weakened in their relationships. I hear American men happily spout off the old "happy wife, happy life" addage all the time ..always followed by a hearty high five from some other servile married man and a dopey "harty har har!" betwixt the two of them (although Ive actually witnessed entire roomfuls of married men carry on like this)...they seem to love this arrangement because theyve convinced themselves that being an underling in their own marriage validates that they are a part of an exclusive social club of subservient but married men, and as such, theyre just like the other guys. This is all done under the guise of reassuring each other that theyre all being a "gentleman" and a "good husband" who puts his wife first. However it quickly becomes clear that these guys are simply wimps. They often have no problem trying to stand up to a man because theres nothing truly at stake other than an a** whooping, but they find women, including their wives, intimidating.
But you dont see such an equal level of deference and subservience from married women; not even under the guise of being a "lady" or a "good wife". They know what they want in their marriage, and they get it, or they file for divorce. Their is no cute little selfless and equivalent "happy husband, lifes lovely" type quip to reaffirm the importance of the male half's happiness in their marriage, because most married women dont truly believe that, and therefore dont say it, nor anything similar. In most American marriages I see, both parties have agreed that it is really only the womans happiness that actually matters, and the mans happiness should be derived solely from making his wife happy and dutifully serving his wife, his preferences be damned. And this is all accepted by men with the understanding that this is the price you pay if you want to be able to say youve been normalized and allowed access into the prestigious social club that is marriage and that youre "one of the guys" when youre hiyucking it up with "da fellas" down at the local bar or pub or at the company's holiday party. Personally, I think this is the way American men want their lives to be. Its simple, straightforward, and requires no pushback from either direction.
SEE??!! SEE??!! This is the point of the thread. Too many wanna get deep with exestential reasoning that maybe this or that- which very well may be the case and you're not invalidated. The point is what is seen by an outside eye, and by an outside eye, everything most of us is saying on average and speculation is pretty much true. Seemingly. This is a foreign user stating what us americans are saying, and they aren't the only one who has stated this very thing. We can't see reasons why, that maybe it's the archaic chilvalry, or irresponsibillity, or inherit submissivness of the husband, we just see what is apparantly a very similar outcome of the wife is the warden. Thus for whatever reason, aside from defying personal experiences...this is what it looks like.
Personally I'll never be this man. I'll willingly stay single. I've been told by married men as relationship advice, that the woman is always right, never argue, she calls the shots, blah, blah, blah. I look at them like they're stupid. I'll be damned. I've sacrificed enough principals in relationships to learn happy girlfrend, sad me(unhappy life). Listening to Bob&Toms morning show, right now as they talk about the death of Mort Walker...there's damn near more healty marriages in the sunday comics, than in real life or tv. I haven't seen Lois or Blondie put Hi or Dagwood on the couch. Of all the marriages real or fake, we are far more intimate with the fake ones, than real ones, or something like that.
I find this really funny, just not funny ha-ha. Think about it: people always tell what to do when you're little, and when you're an adult/fully mature, you get personal freedom. Pretty normal, right? And yet, getting married and repeating "yes, dear" ad nauseam is a sign of even more maturity. WTF? And speaking of sex, I lost all interest in it. So when I hear about wives using sex as a weapon, I just chuckle and smirk.
Yeah you come to age where you can do as you please within the confines of the law(or don't get caught) and then marry somebody who takes it all away. I'm a fairly young man, younger than what people might think from my post, and older than some users or whatever. I just don't give my age, so it doesn't possibly discount what I say. But as long as Jax jr is working I want sex. Lack of it affects me mentally, I can't fathom living without when I still can.
"Happy Wife, Happy Life" they say as they let their wives make all the big decisions.
I think the loss of masculinity and power in the home has led to the increase in anti-feminism and misogyny.
I rarely meet married men I don't pity.
Hehe, I hear that expression from time to time and it makes me want to vomit. I have always been a bit too independent and apparently demanding to have stable marriages. Most of the men I know, that are in stable marriages are cut from a different cloth. It is rare that I see a marriage that I would want to be in. That said, there are a few couples I know that really do have a great thing going, but most just put up with each other, which I would find unpalatable.
I don't understand how grown ass men don't know what they want. Crazy.
Lemme tell you. "Grown ass men" (might be the worst phrase ever created) always know what they want. In the case you quoted chances are the man probably wanted to go but didnt want to be bothered with the logistics so in his mind "maybe, whatever" because it really wasnt anything he truly cared about.
To the OP. It isnt necessarily worth the battle to "stand up to their wives". We pick our battles. If it isnt anything the world will end over it isnt worth the fight. Want to paint the bathroom pink? Have at it. That is not the hill we choose to die on that day.
Lemme tell you. "Grown ass men" (might be the worst phrase ever created) always know what they want. In the case you quoted chances are the man probably wanted to go but didnt want to be bothered with the logistics so in his mind "maybe, whatever" because it really wasnt anything he truly cared about.
To the OP. It isnt necessarily worth the battle to "stand up to their wives". We pick our battles. If it isnt anything the world will end over it isnt worth the fight. Want to paint the bathroom pink? Have at it. That is not the hill we choose to die on that day.
This is correct. Why have part of your day wasted arguing over something small that your wife does or doesnt want that wont make a big difference in your life. I think most men would rather avoid all of that pointless harping and nagging.
Who are all these wives withholding sex from their husbands when they don't get their way? Don't they enjoy having sex with their husbands? I can't remember one time when my wife tried this with me. If she did, I don't see what advantage it would give her. We'd both be missing out and we'd both be losers in that scenario.
OP in your specific situation I think it's a case of the guy using his wife as an excuse to avoid any unpleasantness involved in rejecting your offer straight up. As far as domineering wives go, I know a few couples like that but I also know some where the husband is more dominant and others with more parity. At least that is the public face the couples in question present to the world. There is a fear among some men of getting "divorce court raped" and I've seen it happen to a few men so it is not just a baseless stereotype. I've seen men whose lives were ruined by it and one who even ended up committing suicide over it.
I can see some men being intimidated by those types of stories. The thing is though, in those cases that I know of there were always signs that the woman in question was evil, even before they got married. I know one man who was straight up attracted to domineering women. He respected it. Said he admired a woman who wouldn't put up with a man's crap. I won't get in to details but he is largely isolated now, even from his own children from a previous marriage. Other men are just weak and spineless and don't know any other way to be. I don't see how their wives would respect them fully. Maybe these are the wives who are withholding the sex.
There are bad women out there and good ones too. I've found the good women tend to be happy women, and I don't mean happy because a man did something for them or bought them something or did as he was told. I mean generally happy. Already happy when you met her. She's not going to try to be your boss and she's not going to try to destroy you if things go bad. She doesn't need to because she's already happy.
I think some of you are really overthinking the "Happy wife, happy life," stuff.
The phrase itself isn't meant to be used a rulebook to how to interact with your wife. I've uttered that phrase many times myself over the years. It's NEVER applied to anything more than simple thing my wife wants and that I really don't care about, or it's an issue of fairness and my wife is now getting "hers" so to speak.
Here's an example. My wife and I have 3 cars between the two of us. Two of them are "mine", one is "hers" though she can drive my daily driver if she needs to, but she has no desire to drive my sports car. We had two SUVs once. I had an older one, and I bought her a much newer one with the idea that she'd be driving it for 5 years or more. Well, that didn't work out, we both didn't really like the new SUV, so we sold it. Then she started driving my SUV. I ended up buying a sedan, partly with the proceeds of selling her SUV. So now I've got the newest car, when it was supposed to be her turn for the newest car.
Anyway, as car guys are wont to do, I still look for cars for myself. However, the wife said that there's no way I'm getting another new car before she does. And I'd tease her and say that she doesn't need a new car, she's carting our kid around and it will only screw up a new car, etc. But I know that she's right... it's her turn for the new car since the last one for her didn't work out. So, she's driving the newest car now after we sold my old SUV. Now, the next new car will be mine, and she won't say a word about it.
Most of the "happy wife, happy life" stuff is used in jest, and it's simply a matter of giving your wife what is fair. Men are more selfish than women in my opinion. So it's not a matter of letting your wife control everything, it's a recognition that they are generally more giving in a relationship/marriage, and sometimes, men need to give them something they want as a matter of balance between both partners.
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WTF? 
And speaking of sex, I lost all interest in it. So when I hear about wives using sex as a weapon, I just chuckle and smirk.