Moved to be close to grandparents. Grandparents become uninvolved.
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Thank you! Everyone who responded. I did look further and found additional threads on my topic. So my apologies for adding another.
A few more thoughts regarding my situation....
When I moved up here we moved in with his parents. A month after we were there, my son who was potty training one day ran naked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where she was. She slammed something down and screamed at him "This has got to stop!!" Then she came barreling into our room (well, her room) and yelled at me and my husband that we needed to get a grip on our son and spank him.
It turned into something violent, where she was screaming then his dad shoved his way into the bedroom and started screaming and shoving my husband. I sat on the bed holding my son in my arms in horror. I had NO idea his parents had violent tempers. I'm ashamed to even speak of it. I have no one to talk to at all here.
After that big blow up his mother told us to get out. Right in front of her grandson. She said she didn't want us there. So I quietly got up and started to get my things together in a bag. Then she paced around her house like a crazed woman and came back and said "no...no, I don't want you guys to leave....get out here and speak with us".
I decided to go talk to her and remained quiet as she spoke her peace. She said she was disappointed in her son's choice of who he married. And I began to break down and cry. She kept on. And said she was angry my husband and I got married on a beach and not a church. She said she didn't like how her son and I met (we met online).
I tried to talk to her, but in the end, she sat in her chair and sobbed and played the victim. Then my husband's dad said "Look what you do to your mother..."
When I insisted that I would get my things and go (in a quiet respectful manner), she insisted she buy us a pizza and that we stay. Then something really coo coo happened. She started to laugh. Wiped her tears and said "ok I got that out of my system and I feel better"
My son was a wreck ....and emotional wreck for the entire next month it took us to find a place and get out of there. he stopped listening to me. He misbehaved all of the time. He did not want to stay in a room alone with his grandparents at any time. he woke with nightmares. I too had nightmares and never slept.
I developed a fear of his mom. She would pace arond the house angrily and slam things around. Complained if even 1 or 2 toys was left out. I know this must sound exaggerated but it is not.
Then she started doing something new for the remainder of the time we lived there. She refused to look or speak to me. At all. If she needed to say something, she said it to my husband looking right at him even if I was sitting beside him. She walked around and said nothing as if I were invisible. When they left for vacation, we found a home and while they were away I got out of there as fast as I could. I was having panic attacks so bad the doctor put me on medication.
It took me months to be able to handle going back to her home. I went on thanksgiving day and when I got inside I felt sick and started to have a severe panic attack and I threw up in the bathroom. Everything I went through came rushing back. My husband took me home after my being there a full 40 min.
I have not been able to go back since and I have nightmares about his mom charging me and fighting with me. I'm not used to that kind of thing in my life.
I told my husband the other night that i can't go on this way. That I think I'm going to leave him. I can't be n a family that hates me. I cry all the time. I'm depressed and sick.
He is angry with his mother and wants nothing more to do with her. But this is so hard. This woman will never never accept me. And her blow up and revealing that she doesn't like her son's choice for a wife has damaged something. I feel so hurt all of the time over it.
She has no clue.
Yes she is in menopause. And you know, my mother and grandmother went through it and never mistreated their family and grandchildren. I don't see this as a good excuse for mistreating your own grandchild. At least, not for me.
Thanks all.
Good grief; your MIL is a nightmare. Mine was a nightmare too; she wasn't violent, she was just extremely passive-aggressive and my ex, unlike yours, wasn't willing to choose me over her. So, I divorced him...best decision I ever made.
If there's anything positive about this situation, it's that your husband clearly loves you enough to consider turning his back on his own parents. I shudder to think what would have happened if I'd had kids with my ex and they'd have to be exposed to his mother. I'd have gone to court to keep my children away from her.
I'm truly sorry about your situation; my suggestion is to just move back where you came from and keep these poisonous people out of your lives until they are ready to treat you all with the respect you deserve.
I would find others who might be in your church or orgainzaitons or look for seniors who want to be a grandparent through local organizaitions if you feel this is a void in your life, my child has grandparents on both sides who never reallly wanted to get to know her or be involved but again both my husband and I grew up in dysfuntional homes and we are actually glad they do not bother and at this point if they did, we would not alow it, ,would take them to court for abuse issues, they know that too..At first before I got into T and learned some things and found some things out, through a sibling and others.. I was hurt...if it feels better to move, maybe move..do what you feel is best for your situation..but you far rom being alone, trust me, sadly its not that uncommon...(((safe hugs)))
I would find others who might be in your church or orgainzaitons or look for seniors who want to be a grandparent through local organizaitions if you feel this is a void in your life, my child has grandparents on both sides who never reallly wanted to get to know her or be involved but again both my husband and I grew up in dysfuntional homes and we are actually glad they do not bother and at this point if they did, we would not alow it, ,would take them to court for abuse issues, they know that too..At first before I got into T and learned some things and found some things out, through a sibling and others.. I was hurt...if it feels better to move, maybe move..do what you feel is best for your situation..but you far rom being alone, trust me, sadly its not that uncommon...(((safe hugs)))
Your MIL has mental health problems. She probably does truly resent that her son married you, as she said it, LOL (well, that is a big clue!!! )
You do not want your son to be around someone who flies off the handle and you do not need that either. So actually, it is a blessing that your MIL does not want to be that involved w/ your son.
Menopause can make one irritable and impatient, but this woman has real problems far over and above menopause issues! Of course you have panic attacks!!! Who wouldn't after that!!!
Seaharbor's suggestions that you get involved in some other groups, such as w/ a church, and find other people who can be supportive of you and your son and H - that is a great idea. Find others who accept you and are interested in you and who will include you in activities . . . including other mommies w/ kids . . . you need someone to interact with, talk to, and have play dates for your child.
Have you checked to see if there is an online web group of other mothers in your area? Once you find other people to spend your time with, you will find you won't even think about your MIL very often.
Believe me, an unstable g/mother is NOT better than no g/mother at all! Your son does not need to be around someone who is going to over react and spank him just b/c she is incapable of handling normal childhood behavior. That is a very sick and unstable reaction on her part.
Omigosh - you have my complete sympathy!
You poor thing.
Look, you - and your son - have been through HELL. But take a deep breath, and put it behind you.
Don't go back to that house for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any other day. As long as your husband has your back, you don't need to ever worry about these strange people again. Stay away from them; they don't respect you or your child.
Move away; cut all ties with them. They are weird and you don't want or need this in your life! Have a good marriage with your husband, make a home for him and your child and STAY AWAY FROM THESE CRAZY PEOPLE. So they are his "parents," big deal, you don't have to have anything else to do with them, they sound insane!!!
My best advice to you is to stay away from her and just forget about her as soon as you get away from there. I think moving, if you can make it happen, may be the best thing for you and your family. I would even think about leaving your husband as he has obviously chosen you over his parents. That type of support is important and you need that around you.
My grandmother was never openly that bad while my father was alive, but once he passed away she started to behave just like your MIL did. She never really helped by taking care of us when needed, my mom's mother did that, but she always acted friendly towards my mother. After my dad died she not only started acting as though my mother was the worst person in the world, but she went so far as to accuse her of messing with his medication to kill him! She was doing it to try and get his insurance money, which she thought should go to her since she was his mother and was still alive.
I'm praying that my mother-in-law doesn't end up like this. She has already stated a few times that we should wait to have kids so my husband doesn't have to deal with the stress yet. He didn't want to wait anymore than I did so when she comes to town in 2 weeks we have to tell her that we're already expecting and didn't wait the year she wanted us to. I think she'll be ok, at least in front of us.
I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this, but I think your life will be a lot better and happier (for you, your husband, and especially your son) if you get the heck out of there.
I am actually moving back to the city I grew up in but on the other side of town...I doubt we will ever even run into each other...will run the other direction if I sae any of them again...You know we are handed this fairy tale that our families love us and that love and paintence always wins over hate...but that is a lie, a big fat lie and it can even be dangerous too...and this time of year, people feel as if they should have the family that abuses them around so they can make things be the way they iwsh and not the way it really is..and its hurts us and our \kids and it only harms the future geerations, if someone is mean to you and your kids,m they are not worth being around, no matter if they are a parent, sister or cousin, they are poison to you...take care, there are good people who care, blood is not thicker than water, bad blood is poison that slowly kills us with heart attacks and what not...
Very Sorry For Your Situation. Many Communities Have Foster Grandparent Associations. Last Year, A Woman Put An Ad In The Local Paper Stating "need A Grandma For Christmas?"she Had Hundreds Of Replies. You Could Do This Asking For One .you'll Get Many. If Your Mil Doesn't Approve Of You, You Can Be Certain She'll Take It Out On The Child. That's Usually The Way It Is.your Husband Loves You-so You And Your Son Are Not Alone...
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Take Seaharbor's advice . . .
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