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The doorman doesn't give a rat's butt. Even people you know don't care. People are mostly just concerned about themselves. Obviously you think the world revolves around you and your clothing choices. The reality is that it does not. You need therapy and fast.
Then why did a couple of my neighbors ask me why my parents are holding hands all the time when they see them come over sometimes to visit? I mean, I never ever pay attention to whether any couples are holding hands on not. Why are people paying attention to things like that, let alone asking me why they are doing it?
I don’t think he would say anything, but he might bat an eye or something. And just the fact that he notices is enough to make things feel awkward and uncomfortable for me.
Do you live in a snooty building? You know, where snobs live? I wouldn't care a hoot what the doorman thought, especially if it were in a snooty building. Learning to feel comfortable being the real you might be more difficult because of where you live? Just a thought. The real you meaning, trying new things, wearing things you enjoy without caring what people think, wearing something that makes you feel good or is comfortable for the occasion or the weather.
Is it normal for people to change fashion every once in a while? Sometimes I feel like people expect me to wear the same style all the time.
Why would anyone else have expectations like that? Nobody cares. Seriously. Nobody cares.
You have an issue, though, in thinking that they do. You might want to give some serious thought and ask yourself some hard questions about the reasons behind why you think this way.
I am not a therapist, but I've had therapy, and generally speaking, when you focus something as unimportant as this and attribute it to worrying about OTHER people, you are using this thinking to avoid something within yourself that needs to be looked at. Start peeling the layers of that onion.
Then why did a couple of my neighbors ask me why my parents are holding hands all the time when they see them come over sometimes to visit? I mean, I never ever pay attention to whether any couples are holding hands on not. Why are people paying attention to things like that, let alone asking me why they are doing it?
Ask them. "What made you notice that?" Or "Why do you find this significant enough to comment on?
Why would anyone else have expectations like that? Nobody cares. Seriously. Nobody cares.
You have an issue, though, in thinking that they do. You might want to give some serious thought and ask yourself some hard questions about the reasons behind why you think this way.
I am not a therapist, but I've had therapy, and generally speaking, when you focus something as unimportant as this and attribute it to worrying about OTHER people, you are using this thinking to avoid something within yourself that needs to be looked at. Start peeling the layers of that onion.
There are many reasons why I feel this way. First, I was bullied a lot in high school for what I was wearing. My peers used to make fun of me because I used to wear New Balance sneakers instead of a Nike. Seriously, why does anybody care what kind of sneakers I’m wearing? Second, my parents love to gossip about people and how they look and their choice of fashion. So it’s natural that I feel that others probably do the same about me.
I’m a guy and am always self conscious trying on different clothings in front of people I know. The worst people are the doormen on my building! You see, me residential building has a doorman at the front door and a couple of them have been working at my building for YEARS and they know all the residents very well. And because they know me well and they see me walk in and out of the building everyday, they know me too well and what I wear everyday. And because of that, I feel self conscious trying different new things. Like I wanted to start wearing sandals over the summer a few years ago but couldn’t get myself to do it because the doorman has NEVER seen me in sandals. So for him to suddenly see me in sandals for the first time after all these years is embarrassing. And also this year, I want to start wearing sleeveless t shirts and tank tops because it gets very hot sometimes here in the summer and would like to wear something a little more comfortable during the muggy, hot weather. But again, the doorman has known me for YEARS and never seen me in sleeveless or tank top. So again, I’m very self conscious and I can’t wear what I want to wear because of that.
Anyone else go through the same trouble? And anyone know how I can get over this?
Why would you feel self-conscious - especially by relative strangers like your doorman?
I thought you were going to say that maybe your close friends were going to tease you for wearing paisley pants and a feather boa. You've been too timid to wear a t-shirt for years??? Isn't it time for you to get past your high school persona?
You get over it by telling yourself the truth: What kind of wimp would worry about what a building employee thinks about my clothes? All he cares about is how much I tip him.
I wear sneakers. If I switch to sandals or slip ons, I think it might call attention because no one has seen me in them.
Same thing with my shirts. I always wore short sleeved shirts for YEARS. For me to suddenly wear a tank top or sleeveless shirt, people will see my upper arms and shoulders for the first time and it would shock people.
I am curious...do you look at and observe what the people around you are wearing, or not wearing, and if they've changed up their wardrobe in some way? Like, you probably are familiar with some of the people in your building. Do you notice if Mrs. Stephenson is wearing a new blouse, or new shoes, etc? Or do you notice if Mr. Smith is wearing a new trench coat instead of his usual puffy jacket? Do you judge these people one way or the the other?
The funny thing is, our building has 12 floors and 20 apartments per floor, with many of those apartments having multiple people living in each apartment. So doing the math, there is literally over 240 people living my building. I really wonder how much the doorman really thinks about me when there are so many other residents to think about.
Of all people to be concerned about. What about other people in your life? Are you also concerned about what your boss and coworkers and friends think of your clothing and shoe choices? Getting teased at school is one thing. We're adults now.
I suggest you just make your changes, don't think about other people. If someone comments, just say thanks, I love these sandals, glad I bought them, and move on.
Then why did a couple of my neighbors ask me why my parents are holding hands all the time when they see them come over sometimes to visit? I mean, I never ever pay attention to whether any couples are holding hands on not. Why are people paying attention to things like that, let alone asking me why they are doing it?
Sometimes people are nosey. I suppose everyone has THAT nosey neighbor. But why would you let the nosey neighbor influence your fashion choices? It's like you're letting these nebulous people own you.
First, I can confirm that I do notice and remember what people are wearing. But I enjoy fashion and have a pretty keen attention to detail. It is not unusual for my friends and I to notice when one of us is wearing something new and to comment on it (though almost always positively) or ask where someone got something. And I do sometimes notice if someone I see regularly is wearing something new.
That being said, I don't "worry" about what other people think of what I wear. I wear the style that I think suits me well and that does typically evolve over time. Are you worried about someone noticing PERIOD, even if their view is positive? Or are you only worried about someone viewing a change and having a negative reaction? Voicing that negative reaction?
I think the key here is to realize that you can't control what other people simply notice with their own eyes. But you can control how you feel and your own confidence. So that's the only area that deserves focus. You need to feel confident in your own skin (and your own clothes).
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