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Still, I say this "society" you like to speak of doesnt "look down" on men who date larger women. Only the guy's male friends would give him crap about it, but once they date for long enough and/or the dude gets serious about her his friends would give in and stop giving him crap.
I never give one thought to what "society" is thinking about anything I do... or how I look... or who I have sex with. If I'm happy with my life, what do I care what "society" thinks?
That's not the question of the topic. I didn't ask whether people cared what society thought.
I guess this question is tied into the whole issue of whether society looks down on larger women in general, but this thread is about society's perceptions of men who date larger women. By "larger" I mean larger than themselves. I am not dealing with the issue of large men dating large women. More so thin men who date large women.
I think society looks down on men who do this because it implies the man couldn't "do better" and it doubly implies that a larger woman doesn't deserve a man who is thinner. So both are seen kind of "at fault". I also think that society probably assumes that the man couldn't possibly be sexually attracted to his larger partner, so he must be just dating her because he's alone and has many other issues that a thinner woman couldn't overlook. I feel it's more likely for men to think this about other men but I feel maybe women could think that, too. I am not sure about female opinion on the matter. Do some women think a guy who has dated a large woman is not dateable?
I also feel there *might* be a double standard when it's the other way around. Like if a larger guy has a thin woman, both men and women cheer him on, but when a larger woman has a thin man, the man is seen as the loser and the woman is given no credit.
These are my theories. I'm not saying society is "right" for doing this, I'm just pointing out possible theories. What are your thoughts, O diverse opinionated people of city-data?
Eddie, as a man who married a woman twice his size (literally - I was low 200's and she low 400's when we married), I can assure you that you're right on about your assumptions. It is ALL about what society, and the big-money media machine, brainwash us into thinking is attractive or preferable.
When I was in middle school and high school, guys who dated fat girls got picked on... largely because the implication was that they couldn't do any better. That's the only reason why a dude gets picked on for the girl he dates. Whether it's because she's fat or because she's "loose" or because she's substantially disabled, it's always the same - "what a loser, you can't get a normal girl who's good looking".
The older I got, the less of an issue this became. Oh, some of my college buddies pranked me by getting fat-chick clothing catalogs mailed to me, but that wasn't so terrible for a young college guy who was very much attracted to women of the type seen in the catalogs.
Now, in my mid-30's, I very rarely hear anything. Not long ago, a lady at one of the nursing homes where we play commented on how good looking I am, and how I could have done so much better than my wife. That's the only comment I've gotten, of that ilk, since marrying her almost 4 years ago. (Bear in mind that the lady was probably around 50 years old, fully "with it" upstairs, missing a leg for whatever reason, and a smoker. Obviously not a happy person to begin with. I find it quite ironic that such a person would chide me for dating someone of an unusual appearance.)
The problem is one of differing value scales. It's not unlike my friend who told me, many years ago, that instead of driving a $500 22-year-old Cadillac, I should buy a brand new Porsche. The implication was that I could do so much better than driving a cheap beater. It begs the question - do better as in how? He assumed that driving a new exotic foreign car constituted "doing better". However, I say that the ~$1,000 I would save every month by not having that car payment and the increased insurance would qualify as "doing better". I paid cash for my $500 Cadillac and it got me from A to B just like that new Porsche would have.
Ultimately the only people who would rib a dude for dating or marrying a fat girl are people who are unhappy with themselves and don't know how to think independently of the big-money media machine. People who are merely brainwashed by the media machine wouldn't pick on a guy for dating a fat girl - they'd think insulting thoughts but would keep them silent. It's the unhappy people who feel like there is something worthwhile to be gained by voicing those comments... unless they're so insane as to think that a guy like me would hear a comment like that and be like "Crap, you know, you're right! I COULD do better! I'm going to dump my fat girlfriend right now and pursue someone thinner!" Don't make me laugh.
The truly mature among us, even if they don't dig fat chicks, would be like "I don't get it, but if it makes you happy, go for it."
Men can be sexually attracted to all kinds of women. To prove that, all you have to do is run an internet search for all the different kinds of porn out there. It never ceases to astound me, what turns men on.
You asked if some women think that a man who has dated a large woman is not dateable. I say - it depends. Let's face it - if a man dates a fat woman, one of the following two conditions is likely to be true:
1) He prefers fat women.
2) He doesn't prefer fat women but he is of sufficiently low self-esteem that he doesn't feel he should pursue the thinner women he does prefer.
Now, if you're a thin woman with reasonable self-esteem, you won't want to date a man who would rather have a fat woman, nor will you want to date a man who doesn't think highly enough of himself to pursue the type of woman he really prefers. If the guy actually has no preference at all, again, no woman of reasonable self-esteem would date a man who couldn't say "I prefer someone who looks like you". When it's "any port in a storm", you are, to an extent, devalued as an individual.
I can tell you from my own life that having dated lots of fat women has made me unusually desirable among fat women... because I have a "track record" to back up my pursuit of such women. I recall my ex-sister-in-law, a fat woman herself, being uneasy for a long time about the guy she was dating, because he had always dated thin women. She asked herself why he'd suddenly want to date a fat girl... "is he using me? Is he just desperate?" Etc. See, I don't have to worry about those things. I haven't dated a thin girl since I was 17. Thus, when fat girls got with me, they could think "this guy really does prefer girls who look like me!"... and then they don't have to worry about me concealing ulterior motives or head issues.
This would cease being a problem if society would stop discriminating on appearances. I find it to be a real head-scratcher that we trumpet from the rooftops that discrimination is not right when it is based upon race or sexual orientation.... but it's still okay to discriminate on size. (After all, if it's "hate speech" to use racial epithets against minorities and "homophobic" epithets against homosexuals, why should it not be "hate speech" of the same caliber and legal implications to call a fat person a pig?)
I guess this question is tied into the whole issue of whether society looks down on larger women in general, but this thread is about society's perceptions of men who date larger women. By "larger" I mean larger than themselves. I am not dealing with the issue of large men dating large women. More so thin men who date large women.
I think society looks down on men who do this because it implies the man couldn't "do better" and it doubly implies that a larger woman doesn't deserve a man who is thinner. So both are seen kind of "at fault". I also think that society probably assumes that the man couldn't possibly be sexually attracted to his larger partner, so he must be just dating her because he's alone and has many other issues that a thinner woman couldn't overlook. I feel it's more likely for men to think this about other men but I feel maybe women could think that, too. I am not sure about female opinion on the matter. Do some women think a guy who has dated a large woman is not dateable?
I also feel there *might* be a double standard when it's the other way around. Like if a larger guy has a thin woman, both men and women cheer him on, but when a larger woman has a thin man, the man is seen as the loser and the woman is given no credit.
These are my theories. I'm not saying society is "right" for doing this, I'm just pointing out possible theories. What are your thoughts, O diverse opinionated people of city-data?
Who cares what "society" thinks? If you are attracted to BBW so be it. I don't care who people date, as it has no personal effect on me/mine.
I personally don't care, but I think most people do. There is that sexist mindset that even ugly old men should have a young skinny girl by his side. If a woman is full-figured and/or older, she should settle.
no woman of reasonable self-esteem would date a man who couldn't say "I prefer someone who looks like you". When it's "any port in a storm", you are, to an extent, devalued as an individual.
Nice post.
I don't know about the part quoted above. I am sure that there are some guys who have a varied enough preference that it's probably not any port in a storm but enough ports and one includes you.
I knew a guy who stated that while many may have narrowed tastes he likes them slim to pretty think depending on the woman. That almost sounds like any port in a storm ir it would look that way if you saw his dating history but they were all cute girls with decent personalities. That was more his "type".
Fourteen year old dorks do. Mature, intelligent people don't.
This.
I think some women look down on a presentable man who chooses to date a larger woman, because the other women think that a thinner woman is more "deserving" of a presentable man than a fat woman. So the fat woman is taking away something from the thin women and that's bad.
I also think that some men look down on a man who dates a bigger woman, because if the man is presentable, it "sends a message" to other women that fat women can get dates too. This in turn may "encourage" other women to let go a little and maybe gain a little weight. Then that means that if more women gain weight, then the "supply" of thinner women is diminished, and that is bad.
@ RomaniGypsy: Great post. I've shared a lot of the same sentiments and thoughts myself, but you've done so in a very matter-of-fact and logical manner. Well done.
I think some women look down on a presentable man who chooses to date a larger woman, because the other women think that a thinner woman is more "deserving" of a presentable man than a fat woman. So the fat woman is taking away something from the thin women and that's bad.
I also think that some men look down on a man who dates a bigger woman, because if the man is presentable, it "sends a message" to other women that fat women can get dates too. This in turn may "encourage" other women to let go a little and maybe gain a little weight. Then that means that if more women gain weight, then the "supply" of thinner women is diminished, and that is bad.
Interesting insight. Personally, if the supply of thin women decreases, then it means "may the best man win". Any man who is afraid of "supply" of women decreasing must not have much to offer. I mean men in the Deep South who prefer thin women seem to manage. Those that don't, well they couldn't get ANY woman if they tried. Sucks to be them!
In my opinion, if supply of women that I considered hot decreased, then wouldn't that just up the hot factor of said women, anyway? It's like if I'm into blondes, but I move into a town where everyone is blonde, eventually I get sick of it. It's like, if every woman around me is fit, would I value it as much?
I thought society praises for men being with large women. At least, they think the man is 'sympathetic'.
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