So, being best friends with your mother has its advantages, and its disadvantages. After her reccomending the Sally Hansen's Waxing Strips in a box, I picked one up the other night.
So much hair.. where to start! I haven't felt this excited since Christmas!
1) I could do my upper lip, it's blond hair, but it's still there!
2) I could do my eyebrows, I wonder how bad that would hurt.. hmm.
3) I could do my legs! (I shake the contents of the box dispairingly... ok maybe I need 2 boxes for my legs, next time!)
4) I could do my underarms! ..again with the pain, I'd better start somewhere as a "test wax" before I go too far. (doesn't stop me from sampling a strip or 2 under my arms to play with later though!)
5) I could do my... hmm. landing strip? or hardwood floor. will think on it, and decide later. Again with the pain factor.
As I'm taking my shower, I glance over at my lonely looking razor with an evil grin thinking.. "not tonight, sorry miss lady razor, you're gonna be old sack if this wax strip stuff really works!" Poor little pink razor.
Okay. Directions are as so:
warm strip in your hand by rubbing back and forth before peeling to seperate. *rub rub rub* Pause the rubbing, let the cat out who had been hiding under the bed, whoops, sorry Squeakytoy!
*rub rub rub* Let's try the upper lip first, shall we? While looking into the mirror I have next to my desk, I peel apart the seperate strips, and apply evenly with pressure to the left half of my upper lip. Now I'm directed to smooth down, towards the grain of the hair. It was sheer luck that the other half of the strip that had yet-to-be-used was lying face up on the dresser, and lodged itself in my hair during this. (note to self: put your hair back unless you want it stripped off too!)
I couldn't manage to get it out of my hair, so abandoning the wax strip that was hanging off my upper lip for the moment (it can't hurt, by just sitting there longer can it?), and abandoning the one that is dangling precariously in my hair, I opened up another strip, and applied it to the other half of my face.
I hear the phone ringing in the background. Hmmm, that one's gonna have to wait a moment. Hold down the skin closest to the wax strip, and peel off in an upwards motion, AWAY from the grain of the hair. Ready, set, go! Instead of peeling off, the little plastic edge I had been holding onto tears off in my hand. hmmmm. (is ANYONE going to answer that phone?) Second try!
I grab a substantially stronger hold on the little plastic strip that is threatening my upper lip now and beginning to burn... riiiiipppppp!! I drop to the floor holding my face and let out this bloodcurdling scream. I look down at the little wax strip in horror, yup, it took the hair off, I look into the little mirror by my dresser and... checking for a smooth clean feeling will have to wait. First priority is to stop the droplets of blood that I see forming.
Just as I'm getting to my feet, one hand over my face trying to stop the bleeding, half of my mind trying to concentrate on the wax strip that is stuck to the other side of my lip, (hmmm it will have to come off eventually) the wax strip that was stuck in my hair decides to lodge itself to the side of my desk as well! for joy!
Didn't I shut the door? It doesn't stop the beagle from coming in and trying to rescue me (he probably heard the screaming from earlier.. no doubt the neighbors did too!) No, Nomad, no! Bad dog! I don't need help. Yes I know I'm stuck to the desk, licking my face won't help.. no.. no STOP EATING THE HAIRY WAX STRIP ON THE GROUND!!! He's all big floppy ears, and floppy paws, tripping over himself in the excitement of what's going on... God please help me! My little brother wanders in and his eyes get huge. "Are you ok?" I look up in frustration. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.. "Just get the dog outta here please?" I ask, on the verge of opting for crying. He leaves, the dog leaves, the door closes. I hear this muffled little brother voice from beyond the door
"did you know your lips bleeding?" bah! First things first. I sit down and cut my hair out from the side of the desk. I throw the wax strip on the ground, sentencing it without a second thought to being either sucked up by the vacuum later, stuck to a sock and laundered to it's own demise.. or, if all else failing, Nomad will be back, and will be hungry, I'm sure.
The bleeding stopped from the left half of my upper lip, and amazingly enough, is so nice and smooth and hairless now! Hurray!
Now to focus on the job at hand... I turn to the wax strip on the other half of my lip (the directions DID say to do them seperately, if only to double the pain!) I hold down the skin, I secure my hold on the strip, and I yank! I scream again (maybe it was more of a yelp this time?) and promptly topple back onto the floor again. Surely this will get easier with time and practice. I'm sitting there shaking, inspecting the hair that is present on the clear wax strip out of fascination, when I hear the dog padding back up the stairs... hear his little chain jingling closer to my room... and hear the inevitable "THUMP" as his head connects to the door. I have to start laughing at this point. Closed door trumps mighty beagle head, take two! No bleeding from the other side... that's better.
I go into the bathroom and was my face thouroughly, just to make sure none of the wax is left over. All in all, with the exception of the blood, the 2 screams that now have the neighbor just a wee paranoid at exactly WHAT goes on in this house..(as if they weren't paranoid before!) I have to say my experience with Sally Hansen's Wax Kit was an A+ !!!!
The only question that remains now is... do the other people at work notice that I have strips under my arms? After last night.. I'm not yanking on anything anytime soon. They can fall off. Or better yet, I can wait it out, and let my hair grow, like an Amazon women, then cut the strips off!
Thank God for long sleeves and colder weather! But I crackle when I move my upper body now..
too cool! 
When I decide to instigate my next waxing adventure, I will be sure to have the following:
1) a cloth, or rag, possibly a sock, but a clean one, to stuff into my mouth when I'm yanking strips off to keep the bloodcurdling screams at bay
2) first aid kit. bleeding all over your sock can't be healthy while it's still in your mouth, and I'm still trying to scrub it outta the floor
3) keeping in mind these tips during waxing :
`making sure the door can close, if not possibly lock
`making sure I'm starting in a sitting position
`making sure my hair is securely fastened and out of harm's way
`making sure you don't have a heroic dog wanting to "help you wax", and if you do... threaten with bodily harm to leave you alone!
The moral of this adventure is.. not all dates are worth the sheer agony of a smooth upper lip. But if you
DO happen to catch me on a hairless day and you fail to mention how outstandingly hairless I look, I'm gonna drop-kick you in the shins!
With that being said, don't mind me while I go back to admiringly rubbing my upper lip now... carry on.
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I knew about the pain though.
