Christians and friendships (Sodom, believe, scripture, praying) - Christianity - - City-Data Forum

Pathwalker · 09-01-2007, 12:34 AM

Christians, is there ever a time or situation in which you feel it's acceptable (particularly in God's eyes) to willfully and permanently choose NOT to be friends with someone, even if it's a fellow Christian?

kawgpz550 · 09-01-2007, 01:47 AM

I think that really depends on the circumstances. Is it because the two said persons do not get along? Is it because one feels wronged by the other (a matter that could be resolved if "forgiveness" and communication were entered in)? Or is it simply an unhealthy friendship? Does the friendship have underlying issues that may be considered sinful?
It's extremely important for friends, especially Christians, to try and resolve their problems as well as letting go of any animosity that is shared. However, I believe there are circumstances when a friendship is simply unhealthy in a person's Christian walk....In those instances, I feel that God would understand and accept the decision to terminate the friendship.

Here's a good biblical explanation for friendships!

What is true friendship according to the Bible?

jeffncandace · 09-01-2007, 04:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WCRob

Christians, is there ever a time or situation in which you feel it's acceptable (particularly in God's eyes) to willfully and permanently choose NOT to be friends with someone, even if it's a fellow Christian?

Great question! I personally feel the only time as a Christian I would not be friends with another Christian would be if I felt this person had issues that caused me to stumble, or vise-versa, or if I felt the person was not Christ-like and loving in their actions. Even then, it's important not to get into the flesh and sin in your anger at them...

As for the unsaved, I think that would be situational. I don't feel it would be good for me to hang around people who party 24/7 either.

Hoosier · 09-01-2007, 06:34 AM

Take "Christian" out of the equation. We're all people who are different. Some will get along, and others will not. We can still share the same faith and not have to be friends. It's like dating. I've heard people say, "just marry a good Christian girl, or man". Well there's so much more to it than just being Christian. You need to have similar likes and dislikes. It's not just about being a Christian.

Pathwalker · 09-01-2007, 04:40 PM

Okay, here's the deal. We're commanded to love our enemies and to forgive or we won't be forgiven. So does that mean we are obligated to be someone's friend if that person says they want to be your friend, even though you do NOT want to be THEIR friend?

I'm just curious, because the other day I had a 20-year long friendship come to a screeching end. The other person told me I am to have absolutely no contact with them at all, whether via email, telephone, regular mail or in person. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I was told any attempt I made to contact them would constitute harassment and/or stalking. Now before you get any wild ideas about what I did that would make them say that.... well, don't. Just put it back out of your mind, because I didn't do anything illegal and I was NOT stalking them or harassing them. It's just a long and complicated story that culminated in us BOTH basically severing the relationship. They just happened to choose to have the final word, and they did it in such a way as it rendered me powerless to obtain closure. After they did this, I decided that I no longer ever again wanted to have anything to do with them. Not because of any interest in playing a childish game of tit-for-tat, but rather because I'm just tired of the confusion I went through in the 20 years of the friendship, and I simply cannot keep going through the types of situations I went through while friends with this person. I do not EVER want to go through that again with ANYONE. Yet in thinking about it, that makes me feel as though I'm being unforgiving. And I'm not. But I wondered how I would respond if one day they decided to change their mind, and wanted to reconcile. Well, personally I do NOT ever want to. BUT..... I got to thinking about how the Lord would have me respond, and I wondered how I would feel if God Himself decided He no longer wanted to fellowship with ME because I had finally gone too far with something. I know it would crush me to know that I wanted to desperately be in fellowship with God while perhaps He wanted to cast me away. I'm not saying that would ever happen, and I'm not trying to compare the love and mercy of the Lord with some inferior human mercy and forgiveness. It's just that it made me wonder that if I take the position that I never again want to have anything to do with this person, does that mean I'm not forgiving them? What happens when we both die and meet one another in Heaven? Shouldn't we forgive NOW while in this life, without having unforgiveness and bitterness on our souls when we die? How do you do that when you can't even contact the other person for closure?

So as I asked, do you think there is ever a situation in which a Christian is not obligated to be friends with another believer? What if I decided that I would only be acquaintances with them, but no longer friends such as we once were? Is that acceptable?

Sorry if this sounds strange. I'm just seriously trying to figure out how to get closure in all this, and move on with my life. For what it's worth, I am not completely innocent in how things transpired between us. I want to forgive this person, and I think I could. But I also want to forget them. In fact, I wish I'd never met them. But I can't travel back in time and erase that moment when I met them. Any thoughts about this?

kawgpz550 · 09-01-2007, 04:52 PM

Rob, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you. My heart goes out to you.

I think you need to focus on your part and forgive them...however, that doesn't mean you have to make contact with that person to do so...just do it in your heart and to God.
Forgiving is the easy part, the forgetting that is something else entirely. You just need to ask God to take away the sadness and bitterness that you have been left with and to bring you comfort.
While it is important for us to try to mend broken friendships, I think it is equally important that we do not get ourselves into friendships or situations that make us lose sight of who we are and our walk with Christ. If this friendship has brought you so much despair, I think God understands that and He wouldn't want you to keep exposing yourself to such torment! While we are to turn the other cheek, that doesn't mean that we keep coming back for more and more agony...KNOWING what the end result is ultimately going to be.
I know this must be hard for you, but you really do need to just let it go. Do your part and do the forgiving...then let it go. Look forward and bring yourself out of the slump. It sounds very unhealthy! Don't keep setting yourself up.

I'll be praying for you! he will give you the strength and the wisdom that you need!

Pathwalker · 09-01-2007, 05:17 PM

Thanks, Kawg - I appreciate the kind words.

I'm dealing with it better now than I did at first. I'll move on. I actually get a sense of peace in knowing it's over. There's a familiar sense of freedom that I haven't felt in a long time, so that's truly refreshing!

MTbound · 09-01-2007, 06:32 PM

My father used to say that just because you should be kind to all people doesn't mean you have to associate with all people. Very simple, but I think very true.

princessvanessa · 09-01-2007, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WCRob

BUT..... I got to thinking about how the Lord would have me respond, and I wondered how I would feel if God Himself decided He no longer wanted to fellowship with ME because I had finally gone too far with something. I know it would crush me to know that I wanted to desperately be in fellowship with God while perhaps He wanted to cast me away. I'm not saying that would ever happen, and I'm not trying to compare the love and mercy of the Lord with some inferior human mercy and forgiveness. It's just that it made me wonder that if I take the position that I never again want to have anything to do with this person, does that mean I'm not forgiving them? What happens when we both die and meet one another in Heaven? Shouldn't we forgive NOW while in this life, without having unforgiveness and bitterness on our souls when we die? How do you do that when you can't even contact the other person for closure?

So as I asked, do you think there is ever a situation in which a Christian is not obligated to be friends with another believer? What if I decided that I would only be acquaintances with them, but no longer friends such as we once were? Is that acceptable?

Sorry if this sounds strange. I'm just seriously trying to figure out how to get closure in all this, and move on with my life. For what it's worth, I am not completely innocent in how things transpired between us. I want to forgive this person, and I think I could. But I also want to forget them. In fact, I wish I'd never met them. But I can't travel back in time and erase that moment when I met them. Any thoughts about this?

Here is a piece of scripture that may help ease your mind:

Matthew 10:5 These twelve Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not:
6 But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
7 And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand.
8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give.
9 Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purses,
10 Nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is worthy of his meat.
11 And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, enquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence.
12 And when ye come into an house, salute it.
13 And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you.
14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.
15 Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.
16 Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

I had a long term friend who disowned me when I converted to Roman Catholic. She said I would be welcome to visit her but I would probably much prefer to be with other Catholics. It bothered me that she felt this way and I spoke to my priest about it; he told me "to shake the dust off of my feet" and go on.

His reference to this passage in the Bible helped me to understand that it was alright to let go of a friendship that had lasted about 25 years (from 2nd grade). I have not had any contact with her for 20 years now. I have never hated her or felt ill feeling towards her; nor have I ever wished her anything but the best in life.

That, I think, is the what is important in God's eyes...not harboring hatred or wishing another ill-will.

Peace be with you.

Pathwalker · 09-02-2007, 12:08 PM

Thank you, Princessvanessa. Funny that you would actually post that passage from the Bible, because I was thinking about the very same verse this morning! I think the only way I can view this is in the same way I would view a married couple that later divorced amicably........remain open to being cordial, friendly and forgiving, but never again sharing the same kind of relationship as what used to be.