I didn't take good care of Marshmallow (eating, weight, kidney)
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I lost my beloved cat, Marshmallow, March 8, 2013. His story was presented here, along with pictures. He was a big, beautiful kitty. a black & White Maine Coon, with the sweetest disposition! I loved him so much! But, in looking back, I really didn't take care of him the way I should have.
I'm not looking for sympathy, or words of comfort, I know I let him down. Perhaps others who read our story will not make the same mistakes I did.
First of all, Marshmallow was a rescue cat. we weren't sure of his actual age. At the time of adoption, some records indicated he was 8 years, others indicated he was 11 years. We managed to contact the former owner, but she hedged on disclosing his age. She probably felt we wouldn't want him if we knew his true age. That wasn't so, but she didn't know that. We had a vet tell us he was 3-5 years at the most. he was very healthy and happy, so we didn't think age was a problem.
We had him 3.5 years. During that time, he never had a health problem. He did see a vet 2 times, but we thought he was about 5, so they never did any senior blood work, etc. It just didn't seem necessary. Then, he started losing weight.
Its hard to notice on a long-hair at first. Also, I usually didn't pick him up. he loved to sit in my lap and cuddle, but didn't like being picked up. Then, one day I picked him up and noticed he felt much lighter. I should have taken him to the vet right then, but I didn't. Instead, I thought perhaps he didn't like his food, and bought a different brand. Unfortunately, it was a brand very high in carbs, and he was diabetic! He died within a week of the new food. He went into diabetic ketoacidosis, blood glucose was ~3000
Also, in looking back at some records, he weighed 18 pounds when we first got him. He weighed 12 pounds when he passed away. That's a fair amount for a human, but a tremendous weight loss for a cat.
So what did I do wrong?
First, since there was a discrepency in his actual age, I should have insisted a vet run a complete blood panel when we first adopted him.
Second, keep an eye on weight, its a leading indicator of health problems. You can weight a cat by weighing yourself, then you holding the cat, then subtract the difference. Bathroom scales don't have the resolution vet scales do, but at least it can indicate a major weight drop, like Marshmallow had.
Third, don't take chances and think you can diagnosis/treat kitty yourself. If something is severely out of line, such as a 6 pound weight drop, get to a vet ASAP!
Marshmallow died from diabetes, which could have been prevented and treated. I console myself with the fact that he was happy right up to the end. He was the sweetest cat I ever had, and I miss him so much
Yesterday, I took Buttons, my other cat, to the vet. Buttons is also a black & white Maine Coon type. We adopted him as a newborn, so we know his exact age, 8.5 years. I insisted they do a complete workup, about $300, but worth it. Buttons is in fine shape, I couldn't bear to lose another fur baby!
I am sorry for your loss and that you carry a burden of self blame. You're right, Marshmallow did have a happy life with you and I hope you can focus on that, in time.
Weighing weekly is good (I use a baby scale) but schedule feeding rather than free feeding is the best way to keep track of whether a cat is eating and how much.
If you know how much you are feeding at each meal, you know exactly how much a cat is eating, or not eating and can spot a problem before spotting weightloss.
Feed a canned diet, low in carbs, on a three or four meal a day schedule.
Made the same mistake...still beating myself up for it. Happily married 45 year old man I am, but when no ones looking, I still tear up a little...Ok, lets be honest, the tears flow like a waterfall when Im sure I wont get caught. My buddy lost weight, so...I started feeding him more. The food itself and the fact that I did not treat him unil it was far to late (Kidney failure) weigh down on me. My cat took a year, after diagnosis, and treatment got worse and worse. After 3 times to the vet to save him, I finally let go. There is no advice or consoling that makes a damn bit of difference to me. He was 18, and perhaps he might be gone today regardless of his illness, but Ill never know. Now he sits in a nice urn on the end table, and I think with sadness how I let him down.
Marylee, I hope in time you will forgive yourself and remember the good and happy life Marshmallow had with you. The mistakes are real, I know, and have real consequences. But always remember you are looking at that with the HUGE benefit of hindsight. Hindsight allows you to see these mistakes. It does not follow though that you should have been able to change all those things without the benefit of hindsight.
I've just been through a fairly crisis week and a half here with Amber. Even though the tests so far say we're at fairly early stage kidney disease the vet visits seemed to coincide with a much worse crash of sorts. Very rough time earlier this week thinking I might have to take her to ER vet, but got reassurance from my own vet, and she's been improving and coming a little more back to normal. And as I look back, I think about how many weeks she really wasn't eating well, how many weeks she might have been a little less herself (perhaps a bit more lethargic, etc), why didn't I keep track of her weight (she lost another pound since last visit, and I have a scale that will weigh to the 1/10th pound that I bought so I could keep an eye on her weight, but I didn't weigh her beyond a couple times early on), why did I drag my feet on her regular 6-month recheck (it was actually almost 9 months, and if checked at 6 months maybe we would have avoided some of this), and so on.
The worst though is thinking back to our other cat who we had for a few years as a senior cat and died about 4 years ago several months after being diagnosed with the same CKD/CRF. No fluid treatment (different vet and less informed), how little food she was eating. I read that so many CKD cats eventually starve to death, and I think that is probably what happened to her to some degree. I let her down, I think she could have had a more comfortable last several months at least, if not possibly had a little more time. But I remember the good life we did give her and that she came into her own in those senior years, compared to her earlier home.
Going forward with Amber I am incorporating things we didn't do earlier: every encouragement to eat, sub-q fluid, paying attention to weight, research on my own and asking the vet questions. That is what you are doing too, incorporating what you have learned. It's only if you DON'T change such actions after that experience that anyone should worry.
Sadly, it's most likely that someday (with any luck not until many years from now, but someday) Buttons will also have health problems. When you have a cat who makes it well into the teens in age, you just are likely to have one or more of these things to deal with. And you'll be prepared and he will be in very good hands with you, I am certain of it.
Made the same mistake...still beating myself up for it. Happily married 45 year old man I am, but when no ones looking, I still tear up a little...Ok, lets be honest, the tears flow like a waterfall when Im sure I wont get caught. My buddy lost weight, so...I started feeding him more. The food itself and the fact that I did not treat him unil it was far to late (Kidney failure) weigh down on me. My cat took a year, after diagnosis, and treatment got worse and worse. After 3 times to the vet to save him, I finally let go. There is no advice or consoling that makes a damn bit of difference to me. He was 18, and perhaps he might be gone today regardless of his illness, but Ill never know. Now he sits in a nice urn on the end table, and I think with sadness how I let him down.
My above post goes out to you too. I know the thoughts. It's been 4 years since that time we let go and I still know. I hear you on the tears. It's tough, but it's okay to go a little easier on yourself. 18 years. That's a good long life for a cat. You did well by him, I'm sure of it. I don't know if you have another cat, but if you do, or you eventually will, you'll do even better.
MaryleeII I know you aren't looking for sympathy or words of comfort but please know that probably every one of us has done things wrong so don't be too hard on yourself (I know easier said than done)! I know as a mother to both my human babies and animal babies I have done things wrong. My oldest is almost 30 and I still think of things that I could have done differently. I can only use that knowledge that I have learned over the years to do things differently now. And that's what I think your post is all about so I commend you on that because it's so hard especially when it is still so fresh and you are still grieving to try to help others! Thank You!!! HUGS!
I agree with the others. We learn from our mistakes. No one is perfect, no one can know it all. It's difficult to let regrets like that go, it's almost as if we are failing the loved one again if we forgive ourselves and move on, I've felt that way too, but that's not true. You loved Marshmallow and did the best you could with the knowledge you had. His time with you was full of love and comfort.
Every single one of our pets could have lived longer, or better lives, had we known then what we know now.
I no longer declaw.
I no longer let them outside.
I buy better food.
I bought a baby scale and weigh them once a month.
I refuse unnecessary vaccinations.
I spend $$ on basic tests instead of toys.
I watch for physical and behavioral changes and follow up with the vet.
I learn as much as possible about their conditions and diseases.
I play with them more often.
I tell them I love them more often.
I know they won't live forever, but I am determined to give them a healthy happy life.
Reading through what other have experienced helps arm me with what I need to make it happen.
What a wonderful legacy for Marylee's beloved Marshmallow.
Don't beat yourself up too badly. I'm sure you provided him a very loving home, which is something a lot of cats don't get, especially cats that end up needing to be rehomed in their later years. They don't make it easy on us either, doing their very best to hide any illnesses.
Don't beat yourself up too badly. I'm sure you provided him a very loving home, which is something a lot of cats don't get, especially cats that end up needing to be rehomed in their later years. They don't make it easy on us either, doing their very best to hide any illnesses.
Oh, yes, cats are quite stoic, and hide conditions until its too late! We have to be vigilant, like we are with small children. We watch closely what and how much our children eat and drink, watch their weight, pay close attention to their moods, and rush them off to a doc at the first sign of any problems. We don't expect small children to tell us when something's wrong!
Well, I guess its the same with pets, and I let my guard down. One thing I've learned from Marshmallow, diabetes KILLS, and can KILL quickly without warning. I have type II, and think I'm taking care of it, but won't hurt to monitor myself more closely. Perhaps that was Marshmallow's final job here on earth, to be a warning to me to get with it! RIP, my sweet baby!
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I let her down, I think she could have had a more comfortable last several months at least, if not possibly had a little more time. But I remember the good life we did give her and that she came into her own in those senior years, compared to her earlier home.
