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My mom has just been diagnosed with cancer. They found the cancer in her brain after she was having severe pain in her eye, ear and neck. The cancer has spread from somewhere else though. They are doing more tests this week and then next week she will see the cancer doctor. I live 500 miles away so I plan on going to her house for the week to see the doctor with her. My plan is to go stay with her permanently when she needs to. I will take a leave of absence from work. I of course don't have any time frame for when all this will happen but I have never taken care of an adult before. I have raised 4 kids though. I do have some minor medical training. The one thing I am positive about is I will stay with her until the end. I am all she has. My sister died in November 2012. My step dad is worthless besides being on deaths door himself. What are some of the things I should prepare myself for?
Cancer is rough, so I have heard other family members say!
Hopefully, she won`t have to suffer for long. Be prepared for the worst. Im sorry I don't have anything positive to add.
Im sorry to hear about your mother. Some days will be better then others. Try to keep the good days in mind and in your heart. Setting up a plan and finding out whay resources are available to you and talking to those resources before they are needed will be extrmely helpful for you in the future. That way you arent having to scramble and find help or what ever it is you need when you dont have time to make a proper informed decision. As hard as it can be to think about some of the help that you will eventually need and its human nature to put things off that are sad or ahrd to emotinally deal with (we tell ourselves that we will have plently of time later to make decisions or choices or do research) but so often the times comes and we are not ready for it. IF your mother dose not have a will or trust and does not have both Power of attorney for money and for health care already done i suggest doing it sooner then later. Also an advance directive needs to be done sooner than later so that you know your moms exact wishes and dont have to face making a decision that you question yourself if your doing the right or best things and following your mothers wishes
I believe the emotional support you will provide will be far, far more valuable to your mom than any medical knowledge you could possess. I'm on year eight of caring for my elderly, disabled mother and while she has had multiple surgeries and a couple of near-death experiences since I've been with her, I've never had to deal with cancer. You have my sincere sympathy because I would think you'll be dealing with some ugly medical issues as well as emotional stress.
But the fact that you will be there — to drive her, keep track of her appointments and medication (which can be a full-time job in itself for serious health crises), to take in all the difficult communications her medical people will be handing out, field her calls, and make sure she has the meals and rest she will need — is what will be paramount to her.
When my mother is ill, in addition to her usual disability and aging problems, she has problems just keeping track of taking her meds at the appropriate time, staying hydrated (very important for sick people), and eating nutritious meals that you will probably also have to shop for and prepare. You will also be there to listen to her fears and provide her with a positive environment as much as you can.
AND, although this might be hard if she doesn't bring it up, make sure all of her financial and legal affairs are in order. Even if she survives this ordeal, it will be restful for her to know all that is taken care of. There's lots of good advice on this thread for how to handle those issues. In the end, it will give her strength to know she is free and clear to concentrate her thoughts only on her health and not other problems.
The help you will provide her will be every bit as important as the medical care she is receiving. Feel free to come here any time you have any specific questions. Some of them will be answered on existing threads. But if something new comes up, just make a new topic. You'll find someone here who has "been there."
What a way to start the new year. I wish you good luck on your journey. Above all, take care of yourself. You'll be no good to her if you let yourself get run down physically or break down emotionally. And, of course, best wishes to your mother. I'll be thinking of both of you. Keep us updated.
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