Family considering moving to Salmon, Idaho

[banjomike]

Originally Posted by pnance26

Well neither do we... but it's with the daughter or a nursing home. My wife nor I can take care of her as we both do shift work as Paramedics. And the nursing home situation is very palatable to us.

I don't think there's much you can do to stop the move except trying some gentle persistence.

You're correct in refusing to follow them. A move like that for you should be something you really want as a benefit to the entire family, and should not be something that is imposed on you by others, even if there's a family member who is imposing the move.

I went through the some of the consequences you are facing now a few years ago in 2018.
My sister took care of our mother very willingly and well for the 5 years it took dementia to claim Mom, but she almost waited too long to accept that Mom needed to go into a rest home.

My sis was working full-time, so for most of those years, our mother was alone in her house all day long, becoming increasingly frail as her mind was slipping away. It was only after she took a serious fall and was hospitalized that my Sis finally realized the house our mother had lived in for so long was now a dangerous place for her. And how distressing all those hours alone had become for her.

My brother and I both visited our mother often, but neither of us saw her every day. We both saw the situation was degenerating much earlier than our sister could see, but neither of us could persuade her to see her devotion was being mis-spent in the wrong way.

After the bad fall changed my sister's mind, her devotion never wavered, as her mission became finding the best rest home she could. She found the best one pretty easily, and her choice satisfied us all.

There were plenty of choices available here in Idaho Falls. Elder care is a thriving business once a city becomes large enough to support more than one local rest home.

Mom lived for exactly 30 days after we finally placed her in a shelter home after a month that Mom spent in a physical rehab unit, recovering from her fall.

Once she had continual care, she wouldn't have lived for much longer- Mom was 93- but her last days were far happier and less stressful.

My sister's life became profoundly happier in that last month as well. She still saw our mother daily, but she could go back to Mom's house afterward and live without the continual worry that had crept up on her.
Now, enough time has passed. My sis readily admits she was mistaken.

But then, my sis never turned her life inside out by moving 1000 miles away from the life she had always lived to care for our mother.
If she had done that, I'm sure admitting that she made the wrong choice, even though it was made from devotion, would not be so easy for her. She has always been resolute, so changing her mind has always been difficult for her.

[ejisme]

I live in Idaho, and have been to Salmon and Challis a few times. Yes, Salmon and Challis are true small town living in the middle of nowhere. Both towns have all the basics that a family will need, but there is nothing but the the town, and miles to go for anything different. But, there is nothing wrong with never shopping in Wal-Mart or Home Depot, and supporting local businesses that might hire your daughter and son-in-law. Having a job up front should be the biggest factor, and housing lined up. Can they live with the step-mother for a time, or will she help them find housing and jobs?

I expect they will go whether you want them to or not, and they'll get by and maybe thrive. Simply being Hispanic probably won't be a big deal. Hispanics are everywhere in Idaho, it's not like they are from the moon or Mars. They'll be given the chance to fit in like everyone else. Good and bad people will act like good and bad people everywhere. You mentioned they are seeking God's advice for this move. Have them contact their church denomination of choice in Salmon, and seek their assistance upfront. Plus, you said they went to Salmon for a wedding. Are the bride and groom still in Salmon? If so, then they have a contact that can be helpful. If they won't do the research on jobs and housing, then do it for them, and tell your daughter if your son-in-law isn't open to your helpful advice. At least she can be prepared. Be helpful, positive and supportive, even if you don't feel this is a good move. I'm sure you've already told them how bad a decision they are making. That apparently didn't help. Now go the other way, and accept their adult decision and give them all the help and support you can.

If they do integrate, survive and thrive, there is nothing wrong with you and your wife moving to Salmon in a few years to be closer to the grandkids.

Good luck to all involved.

[ejisme]

OK, I've got some lag going on here, so some of the posts hadn't loaded before I started typing above. Wow, home schooling and an 80 y/o moving in the winter!! Yes, get them some warm coats, socks, stocking caps, gloves and mittens. They'll be needing them soon. Church will be a good source for meeting new people. Public school if they want to give it a try in a smaller town.

[pnance26]

To both Mike and Ejisme,

Thank you both for tons of information and advice. We have to just hope it works out...

[banjomike]

Best of luck to you all

I think ejisme offered the best advice; a strong family bond can repair a bad choice, and can enhance a good choice like nothing else can.