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I saw a post on the far side and had to go read it. The issue related to a man’s spouse who was not going to church. It seemed his spouse would always make an excuse to avoid going, but the husband still asked or pushed the issue in an easy way for several years. She always had an excuse and avoid going.
I at first had to wonder what point a person would recognize his spouse has an issue with the church, religion, or people of the organization he was pushing. I think to avoid the subject for years would tell me both had a problem communicating, and regardless of years together they needed to learn some basics facts about each other.
Their thread made me think what I would do if I had a spouse pushing me go to church. In the case of my wife and I the issue was known long before we got married. I respect her deist values she respect my non-religious values. When she wants to go to a church or temple it OK and if I am asked it is just to let me know I am invited it not a push, just acknowledgment if a freedom of choice.
My question is do any on our side of the religious divide have this issue and if so how are you dealing with it.
Well, my wife & I are going through a divorce, but still seeing each other (long story). She believes there is something bigger than us humans, but she don't really believe it's a "god."
She don't know what it is but she is pretty sure there is something more to all of this. She knows I don't believe in any of it. Until I see it or experience something greater I will continue to be a non-believer. I think that bothers her a little. We don't really talk much about it. It don't bother me if others believe but it does tend to bother others that I don't.
This is a good question, I would talk to her more about it but I never impose my disbelief on anyone.
I think it is wrong for a spouse to ever question or try to force the other to go to church, that's something a mother would do to their young child. It's very childish, but then again so is religion.
My parents were at odds regarding religion and my Mother was very active in church activities while my Father was never a believer. I can see how this could become a major problem. Eventually they divorced and my Mother married a man from her church and after a few years my Father married a woman who was also very skeptical of religious teachings. This is such a basic issue about the nature of our lives that I can understand how two people who might love each other could drift apart because they have opposing views.
My folks, on the other hand, were able to work out my momma's Christianity and desire for us kids to go to church with daddy's atheism and no desire to attend. Their marriage made it to almost 49 years, and ended only upon her death.
As a lifelong atheist, I have never dated a deist, and would never consider doing so. I consider it a major deal breaker, along with habits like cigarette smoking and excessive drinking. And I don't think that my current boyfriend would have considered dating me had I been a deist. We both just don't believe in a god that much that we couldn't have a relationship with a deist. I don't care if my friends are deists but they don't get my total respect either.
Location: In the North Idaho woods, still surrounded by terriers
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I was married at a very tender age (20) and so "in love" that all I wanted was for my husband to approve of me and adore me, etc. He was from a strict Luthern family (Missouri Synod) and so I began attending church with him, even was baptized, taught Sunday School, attended bible studies, etc etc etc. 17 years later he decided he wanted someone younger than me so off he went (with my blessings). I guess the church did not matter that much to him.
That was then and this is now. I would never attend church or accept someone else's religion now...but I am 42 years older now and much wiser and have a lot more self-esteem and self-worth than I did back then. I now know that my beliefs are my own and have worth and that I do not need to pretend a faith to please someone else. So...the answer to the original OP is that "I would never go to church or take part in a religion or belief that I did not hold true myself." But I once did.
As a lifelong atheist, I have never dated a deist, and would never consider doing so. I consider it a major deal breaker, along with habits like cigarette smoking and excessive drinking. And I don't think that my current boyfriend would have considered dating me had I been a deist. We both just don't believe in a god that much that we couldn't have a relationship with a deist. I don't care if my friends are deists but they don't get my total respect either.
I must be lucky. I found my wife in college, and as most college students we both had anti-religious views. She was a deist and seems to go with the flow where religion was concerned. Mine view was agnostic, but soon fell into atheist and now into the strong atheist category. We understood the issue (religion) we both did not really value should not than or now affect how our lives should be spent. We grew together, our views changed and our values blended to form a better family core than if we just accepted one view. If I had been so short sighted as to avoid a relationship with my Deist wife I would be much less of a person today, and I am sure not as happy as I am now.
Over 35 years later she is still a deist with a strong leaning toward agnostic. She shares my view on religious organizations, but still hopes there is something more which we just can’t see. In all the years we have been together she has never pushes me to go to church, but may go herself with friends for special days or events. She has invited me a few times and than just smile when I go into my normal speech on organized religion. We both have lines and we know where and when not to cross those lines, but we also have had in-depth discussions on religion. This is part of the basic respect you learn in marriage. In my situation the Deist and Atheist match works, and I personally think it is a winning match for any relationship.
My wife believes but does not believe in churches, from time to time she puts on some tv evangelist on sunday morning but does not sit down to watch or listen, uses the show kinda like background noise, to her credit, she normally choses guys who are really easy to ignore, you know the type, read out of the bible then tell you "what god is trying to tell us here is...." and goes off on a tangent with a half-baked interpretation. If I change the channel she does not mind. Sometimes I listen just to remind myself why I don't believe this stuff.
I grew up being dragged to church, no way would I risk marrying someone who didn't completely and fully understand how I felt about it. I will not listen to anymore nagging, I do not attend church, period, full stop.
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