Open Adoptions now the norm (birth mother, parents, meeting, first time)
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It seems to work for most folks but I'm sure it takes a lot of give and take. I'm just so glad the shame and secrecy which dominated adoption for so long seems to be out the window. I also think more young mothers would be more willing to make adoption plans for their children if they can be assured they will know how their children are doing or at least get pictures from time to time.
I have family members who did this. They were in the hospital for the birth, and their adopted daughter is now 10.
The whole situation was just as the article described, wary. What makes it even more complicated is that the birth mother went on to have another child a few years later, making the daughter start wondering why she "didn't want" her.
But my relatives have gone to GREAT lengths to stress that she is wanted and was chosen by them. They have educated our family about acceptable language to use or not use around them and their daughter, and yelled at one grandfather who casually said about another new baby in the family, "He's a keeper!" Most relatives walk on eggshells around them because they are very sensitive.
But that's their situation. Not everyone deals with adoption, open or otherwise, the same way. And they went through a lot to be matched with a birth mom.
I admire people who can tread the adoption journey. I mean no offense when I say that I don't truly "get" open adoptions. Personally I am fairly uncomfortable about the situation, which I'm sure just means I don't really understand it. This relative has kept in touch with her birth mother and has met her and her brother twice. But right now, at least, her parents make a bigger deal out of it than she does.
I'm sure she will be glad to have that relationship as she grows older.
I think it's nice if it works for them . Personally if i adopt i am not sure i want there to be contact.
I have some experience as an adoptive parent with open adoption. Its been virtually a 100% positive experience for everyone involved. We not only have contact with the birth mother, but with the birth father as well.
I agree there are some situations that are unsuited for it. For example, some children are removed from their homes because of abuse or neglect. Open adoption with birth parents who are responsible for these acts would clearly be inappropriate. In our situation, though, we adopted newborn infants from a licensed adoption agency. The birth parents of our children are very normal, very decent people who simply were not in a position to provide for their children, so they placed them with us for adoption. Open adoption in that situation can be near ideal.
Some parents make the mistake of thinking when they adopt that their children are a "blank slate" and the everything they do will be a product of environment. This is simply not true. Children are a product of both heredity and environment. Having access to birth parents can be quite advantageous in terms of getting important health information and even understanding certain types of behavior.
Finally, some potential b moms will not place for adoption because they aren't aware that open adoption is a possibility. The notion of signing relinquishment papers and never seeing a child again or knowing what happens to them is so overwhelming they cannot face the thought of adoption. Open adoption can help a b mom in a situation like this and make adoption a more acceptable experience.
I have some experience as an adoptive parent with open adoption. Its been virtually a 100% positive experience for everyone involved. We not only have contact with the birth mother, but with the birth father as well.
I agree there are some situations that are unsuited for it. For example, some children are removed from their homes because of abuse or neglect. Open adoption with birth parents who are responsible for these acts would clearly be inappropriate. In our situation, though, we adopted newborn infants from a licensed adoption agency. The birth parents of our children are very normal, very decent people who simply were not in a position to provide for their children, so they placed them with us for adoption. Open adoption in that situation can be near ideal.
Some parents make the mistake of thinking when they adopt that their children are a "blank slate" and the everything they do will be a product of environment. This is simply not true. Children are a product of both heredity and environment. Having access to birth parents can be quite advantageous in terms of getting important health information and even understanding certain types of behavior.
Finally, some potential b moms will not place for adoption because they aren't aware that open adoption is a possibility. The notion of signing relinquishment papers and never seeing a child again or knowing what happens to them is so overwhelming they cannot face the thought of adoption. Open adoption can help a b mom in a situation like this and make adoption a more acceptable experience.
Sounds alright, but if I found myself in a situation in which I was adopting or giving a child up for adoption, I think I'd want a closed adoption. Giving up a child, that would be easier for me emotionally and adopting I don't think I'd handle the worry and possible problems that come with birth parent contact.
I don't think I'll find myself in such a situation, though, since I would sooner abort than give up a child and if I want to adopt in the future, I would hope to adopt a little girl from China.
I have a half-brother that was given up for adoption and found our mother as an adult. I think I would have preferred them to have an open adoption versus meeting for the first time later in life but then I wasn't around when the decision was made so maybe the earlier years would have been harder.
Personally if I were ever to adopt I would want either an open adoption or an adoption with some communication via the agency.
I adopted internationally. We wanted to adopt a child not a family or a mother.
We have biological children. We are adopting again. Internationally.
We want no contact. If an adopted child wants to see or meet their birth parent, that is up to them.
Currently, ours has no desire, but wants to see a photograph of the woman who gave birth to her. We understand this and we are trying to arrange for it. Our adopted child wants no contact and is not particularly interested in her country of origen.
I think open adoption, and the idea that teenagers who have unplanned pregnancies should actually chose the parents on the basis of their appearance, wealth or the size of their home, is disturbing on so many levels that I don't know where to begin.
I would not be a part of this. I am a great believer in adoption. But not this type.
I also think that biological families are "preserved" far longer than is good for the child.
By the time foster kids are free for adoption, they have sp many issues that many people shy away from adopting them.
BTW, if open adoption works for you - do it. Please do not judge me for my choice.
~ Sheena
I agree with your choice and totally understand it. We looked years ago at adopting the waiting children in both our state and across the US. Many of the school age children had been in care almost since birth with many having had 8 or homes. We were discouraged by the case workers not to adopt the children even when we tried and even when I fought to try to get children released from the system. We finally adopted a infant with Down syndrome through a private agency in our state and it is a closed adoption with the exception that the birthmother can contact for pictures and update. She did that once over 20 years ago. I would never have been comfortable having the birthmother involved in our lives and I know some people don't mind but I would have. I have an older birth son and I think that if I would have put him up for adoption that I would not have wanted to be part of the new family he entered but having contact with him as an adult would have sounded very attractive. I do wonder how many desperate parents agree to the open adoptions to regret it later and how many move across country to limit the contact.
There is never a universal right or wrong answer for everyone or for every situation.
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. Personally if i adopt i am not sure i want there to be contact.
